Miss him.

“I’m not going to the White House Correspondents’ dinner,” he said. “I don’t need to be laughing it up with Henry Kissinger.” He then launched into a tirade about how it sickens him, having travelled in Southeast Asia, to see Kissinger embraced by the power-lunch crowd. “Any journalist who has ever been polite to Henry Kissinger, you know, fuck that person,” he said, his indignation rising. “I’m a big believer in moral gray areas, but, when it comes to that guy, in my view he should not be able to eat at a restaurant in New York.”

I pointed out that Bourdain had made similarly categorical denunciations of many people, only to bury the hatchet and join them for dinner.

“Emeril didn’t bomb Cambodia!” he said.

From a 2017 article in the New Yorker.

I miss Anthony Bourdain. So, so much. 

All the thoughts for all the people

What a roller coaster. 

Tuesday, I went to bed as despondent as I was four years ago, so depressed I couldn't cry. Wondering when, not if, my family would handle deportation orders. Wondering how quickly my friends' marriages would be declared null and void, how quickly friends would be fired for being gay or a different religion or just some other thing that had nothing to do with their job performance. Wondering how I would protect myself from COVID-19. Wondering how we were going to survive, knowing that four more years of this would be far, far worse than the last four years. At a loss for any productive thought. Here's my post to Facebook that night:

I feel as bad as I did in November 2016. Humans are horrible. You are hateful, evil crap. It's time for a meteor to hit this planet - WHAM - so it can start over. As I said after almost getting run off the road by methed-out truckers as I rode the Alaska Highway in British Columbia: FUCK ALL YA'LL.

Wednesday, I woke up to numbers I wasn't expecting. But I should have. Whereas pollster got it wrong AGAIN, the press said this over and over: what the results are at the end of Tuesday night, when in-person voting totals are in, will not be the results when vote-by-mail results are in over the course of the next two or three days. The press repeatedly said that. We didn't listen. 

But even then, I wasn't ready to believe. I had very cautious hope when I went to bed Wednesday night. Thursday, I was just in a holding pattern. Friday, even though no delegate numbers had changed, the voting totals were clear. And I knew it: Trump lost. 

And here we are on Saturday. So. Much. Joy. We walked our dog and I danced for the postman and with three other neighbors during the course of that walk. I don't feel like everything is fine now, but I have hope. I know we'll need to hold the White House through three Presidents to undo all this crap. But I have hope. I know that there is an enormous amount to do now to undo this horror show - knowing that some things can't be undone, like the trauma of children separated from parents, like those who have died or been permanently disabled from COVID-19, like the restaurants, clubs, bars, arts groups and other businesses that have closed for good. Like the people murdered by police. 

Of course, now I'm reading right-wingers and middle-of-the-road Democrats talking about compromise, talking about not celebrating "too much," talking about "forgiveness." 

No.

I'm not at all interested in punishing Republican voters but I AM interested in prosecuting those who broke the law. I want those who have broken the law in this administration to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. It's time for the country to see actions DO have consequences and that, as President, you are NOT "King." If there are no prosecutions, there is no rule of law, period. If there are no prosecutions, this WILL happen again. 

And I want a full-throttle agenda: on health care, on restoring the protections of public lands, on restoring EPA rules, on restoring voting rights, on restoring US State Department funds and programs, on restoring protections for programs like Voice of America and AmeriCorps, on restoring DACA, on establishing a realistic path to legal residency, on addressing the pandemic, on free community college and affordable state universities, and, ALWAYS, on access to abortion. No compromise. None.  

I get it, Republican voters are going to have such a hard time: they are going to get more affordable health care. They are going to have cleaner water. They are going to see billionaires pay a fairer share of taxes and the ballooning federal deficit under Trump get reduced. They are going to have family members who are NOT going to die because of the global pandemic. They are going to have more welcoming markets abroad for the things their employers grow or make. They are still going to get to go to churches that prohibit gay marriage. They will still get to avoid black, Latino and Asian neighborhoods and businesses. They get to still buy and drive gas-guzzling pedestrian-killing trucks. They will still get to quietly take their wives, sisters, daughters and mistresses to clinics for abortion services that they publicly protest about. They still get to discourage their children and grandchildren from going to college. They still get to disparage people who read books, love the arts, study philosophy, speak languages other than English and travel to other countries. They will still get to believe stupid crap like pedophile parties in non-existent pizza restaurant basements. They will still get to go to rallies by Trump if he still wants to have them. And they'll get to keep all the guns they have now and buy even more, at least of certain kinds. 

That last paragraph was dripping with sarcasm, in case you didn't get it. In other words - ya'll Republicans get to benefit from all that is coming AND still be full of hate and bigotry and have guns.  

I wonder when you will understand that nothing changes for a white man if he hears people speaking Spanish in line at WalMart. Nothing. It doesn't make English somehow not matter anymore. There has never been a time in the history of this land we now call the USA when humans weren't speaking a myriad of languages - nothing has changed, not really. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you if woman who is raped has access to abortion services - unless you are that woman. If you are against abortion, you never, ever have to have one, even if terminating a pregnancy would save your life. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you at all if a mosque gets built in your county. You don't ever have to go. If you don't want to hear the call to prayer, push for an ordinance that would prevent such - but know that it will also apply to church bells and drums (I live across the street from a new Pentecostal Church - I DREAM of such an ordinance...). 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you at all if your local grocery store starts selling tamales or hummus. Unless you like tamales or hummus - then you are going to be SO HAPPY. 

I wonder when white people will realize that nothing changes for you if black people get treated by the police and courts the same way white people do. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for straight people, even Christians, if gay people get married. You get to stay married to whomever you are married to. You can be disgusted by anyone's marriage. You are always free to do that. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you if a neighbor buys an electric car or commutes by bicycle, that even if that happens, you get to keep driving your big gas-guzzling truck.  

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you whatsoever if people kneel quietly during the national anthem. 

Just so you know: I'm white. I'm middle class. I love Johnny Cash. I love honky tonks. I love Bi-mart and Costco. I love college basketball. I love the Andy Griffith Show. I love The Waltons. I love The Dirty Dozen. I love Judge Judy. I used to watch Live PD - though I tended to yell "Don't answer questions! You have the right to remain silent!" at the TV over and over. I still watch Gone With the Wind. I don't like when things that are bland are called vanilla, because, in fact, vanilla is a rich, delicious flavoring and, also, I don't think I'm bland, I don't think bluegrass is bland, I don't think opera is bland, I don't think anything I love is bland. 

Being a part of the Democratic Party doesn't mean I lose any of the "white people" things I love. Supporting civil rights and Black Lives Matter doesn't mean I lose any of the "white people" things I love. I just think about things VERY differently than I did in my younger days: I am always sad now that there are no black people in Mayberry. I love GWTW while also acknowledging it was written by a racist and represents racism. I will watch Judge Judy reruns until my dying day and also be appalled at how tone-deaf she can be about how hard it is for renters to find new places to live. 

I guess it comes down to this: I just don't get how white people that voted for Trump think they are under siege. The majority of white voters are NOT under economic stress, they are NOT economically disadvantaged, they are going to keep loving what they love, they get to keep their guns, and that's not going to change in their lifetime.

I think you, Trump supporters, are fascists. I really do. I'm not calling you that to hurt your feelings - I'm saying it as a reality. You are fascists. By definition. 

Fascism is a belief in ultra-nationalism (jingoism), fueled by xenophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, chauvinism, and isolationism. Fascists believe in the supremacy of their national or ethnic group over all others. Fascists are usually on the extreme political right. Fascists usually have one favored religion over all others. Fascism is characterized by an insistence on obedience to a powerful leader - a demagogue. Fascists are often elected to office in fully Democratic processes. And fascists can be happy only in the defeat of those that are not fascists - that is their only path to joy. 

Even with this election, the United States is a fascist country. That cannot be disputed. We are full of millions and millions and millions of fascist people. This is who the Republican Party is. This is who at least half the country is. And I've no idea how to make you not fascists. Can you love your country and not be a fascist? Yes - I love my country and I'm not a fascist. You can love your language, love your country, love your religion and love a person in your political party and NOT be a fascist. 

I'm exhausted. I'm tired. But I'm also relieved. I'm going to rest up and regroup so I can be part of the movement to retake a LOT of things we've lost and so we can rebuild a bigger, better "wall" between church and state, between American values and fascism, between misinformation and facts.

Lots to do. Wear a mask while you do it. 

Masks are cowardly?

I was lamenting to a Facebook friend that I know a woman who did not vote for the Cheeto four years ago but I know she is this year: she now rails against masks, customer limits at businesses, etc. "We have to live our lives!!!" My friend responded that "Trump has successfully positioned himself as the 'No Fear' (Conquering Fear) candidate. For those who need or want to show their bravery, he's become a symbol for that." 

He's right. 

I am appalled that wearing a mask has become equated with cowardness and a restriction of "freedom." It's similar to how some people react to me being ATGATT - all the gear all the time - when it comes to riding a motorcycle. The comments about wearing a helmet alone ("riding a motorcycle is all about FREEDUMBS, wearing a helmet is just stoopid!") are annoying AF. You are really going to call *me* cowardly as a motorcycle rider? Are you freakin' kidding me? 

One of the reasons I followed security guidelines in Afghanistan was that I didn't feel like I had the right to put security forces in danger to come rescue my ass if I did something really stupid. It's the same reason I've been in this house since March. Cowardness? No - I CARE.

I get it - having your movements restricted is SO hard. It is. Kabul restrictions just about broke me - those of you who read my updates know that. I wasn't perfect in Kabul either, because my mental health cried out for some attention: on my one day off a week, I sometimes went to a coffee shop that was officially off-limits a few times (it was under the "protection" of one of the most powerful warlords in the country, so I figured I was as safe as anywhere). There was the day I marched back to my guest house instead of taking a car, furious about a workshop I had helped facilitate. There was the day I went to a lake with Afghan colleagues. Those were moments of weakness. I pushed boundaries and, thankfully, didn't pay for it in a negative way, and that's just pure LUCK. 

I'm not perfect now either: I allow people to get too close to me when I walk Lucinda. It's my weakness. It's so great to see people and it feels normal and I have to remind myself: PANDEMIC! PANDEMIC! 

Otherwise, I am one of a shrinking minority that wears a mask if I go inside a restaurant for take out, I still get curbside pickup at the grocery, I don't eat at restaurants, not even out on their patio or whatever, I've stayed away from outdoor festivals (too many people don't wear masks properly), etc. We're trying to design a safe little vacation nearby, one where we could stay away from everyone, but it's SO difficult to reduce risk when people are such assholes (I'm looking at you, California bro in a convertible that walked maskless into a gas station convenience store where I was in line, ready to pay). 

This is hard. So, so hard. But I'm not living in fear - I'm living in care. 

About your "resilient" friends...

First, this:

And then, this: before you say to someone, particularly a woman who usually seems so strong but has confessed she's facing really tough times, "Hey, you got this! I know how strong you are!", keep this possibility in mind:

 

A USA citizen & election observer talks about voting abroad

I have a lot of friends who are USA citizens and live abroad. One of them lives in Eastern Europe, and has for many years. This friend has been an international observer for 18 elections in six countries in the past 13 years. Below, she describes what volunteering for her is like in 2020 and just how messed up the USA process for voting is:

I started my voting process - and yes, it's a process for Americans living abroad. Many people have asked me how an American living abroad can vote. It depends - voting in the U.S. is decentralized to the states and each state has its own rules and procedures. This is often surprising, if not shocking, to non-U.S. citizens. In most countries, even other decentralized ones, voting is usually legislated at the national level to ensure the same rights/opportunities/responsibilities for all citizens. Not in the U.S., friends! In my state, Ohio, because I live abroad, I can now receive my ballot by email (the first 10 years I lived abroad, I could only receive my ballot by postal mail, and I never received it in time at my international address to actually vote).

I LOVE receiving my ballot by email and having the time to read up on all the candidates and issues - national, state, city, county... there are SO many kinds of elections on my ballot! Back in the pre-internet day when I voted in person, I literally had no idea who most of the people on my ballot were. Now I can sit with my ballot and research all the candidates for judges, board of education, State Attorney General, City Council, and all the other myriad of positions we get to elect as Ohio citizens. There were 3 issues on my ballot this time and I was delighted to have the time to research them and I feel like I made informed decisions on each of them.

Despite receiving my ballot by email, I have to return it by postal mail. By the way, a few states let overseas voters both receive and submit their ballots electronically, but many do not (some still only send ballots by postal mail, which essentially disenfranchises many overseas voters when/where the post is slow). For Ohio voters, if you want to vote absentee and you are IN the U.S., you cannot receive your ballot by email, only by postal mail. Along with your ballot, they send you 2 special envelopes to return your ballot in - your ballot goes in one sealed envelope with your name, ID (birth date and last four digits of your Social Security Number or Ohio driver's license number), address, and signature printed on the envelope; and then you put that envelope inside a postage-paid (for mailing inside the U.S. only) envelope addressed to your county Board of Elections. The instructions we overseas voters receive are the same as for absentee voters in the U.S., but of course we don't get any special envelopes by email, only a .pdf of what goes on the envelopes. Buried in the 4 pages of instructions is a note that overseas voters can print out envelopes with the necessary information on them. You know what? Paper and envelope sizes EVERYWHERE ELSE in the world are different than American standard paper and envelope sizes, so the template .pdfs don't work here. I printed the forms in standard European sizes, taped the completed and signed "envelope form" to a European-size envelope, put it in another European-size envelope addressed to my county Board of Elections, then put that into a DHL envelope, and paid $60 for DHL to deliver the envelope-in-an-envelope-in-an-envelope to Columbus, Ohio. Best money I've ever spent. My vote better be counted.

I have been an international observer for 18 elections in 6 countries in the past 13 years. There are some differences I wish more Americans knew and cared about. Can incarcerated prisoners vote? To the best of my knowledge, not in any U.S. state, yet they can vote in every country where I have worked as an international election observer (mass incarceration of people of color is a uniquely and horrifying way the U.S. disenfranchises minorities). Can people who have served their time vote? In many U.S. states, no, voting rights are lost for life after serving a prison sentence; yet they can vote in every country where I have worked as an international election observer. If a person has served their time, why are they still punished by being disenfranchised in many U.S. states? Oh right, because it's a way to disfranchise people of color.

After 13 years of observing elections in half a dozen countries, I am also 100% convinced that a printed ballot that a voter hand-completes (with appropriate email exceptions for absentee voters) is the best voting method. Hand-counting in front of partisan and non-partisan citizen observers can be a time-consuming process but eliminates computer and hacking problems, and and can be manageable if polling districts are limited to a reasonable number of voters.

And the Electoral College, the most undemocratic voting process in the modern world, NEEDS TO END.

End of my TEDTalk. Thanks for attending.

Heaven

A friend posted this on Facebook:

This week I have been so deeply nurtured by my community. I’ve received so much wisdom, insight, gracious support by loved ones around me.

I appreciate you all so much. Your care, thoughtfulness and generosity. Thank you for holding space for me through all the tough times.

To have such a community... I'm so in awe... and full of envy...

pushing back against the "cannabis is harmless!" bandwagon

My mother has smoked tobacco every day of her adult life - and probably before she was 18. She's over 80 now. She has never had cancer. 

My siblings all smoked tobacco, well into their 30s, and one into his 40s or 50s. They are now in their 40s, 50s and 60s. They have never developed cancer or emphysema or COPD. 

I have known a few people personally who died from lung cancer. None smoked anything at all ever. 

I have never known anyone personally who died from cancer-related to smoking anything: no family member, no co-worker, no friend. 

My husband smokes, and he has met a lot of interesting people when he steps out of a restaurant or concert venue or hotel to smoke. On trips, he's ended up with some valuable information for our travel because he's met someone on a smoke break. 

Based on all of that personal experience, I should think smoking tobacco is just fine, right? My own, personal experience shows, explicitly, smoking tobacco is JUST FINE and, in fact, quite enjoyable. Plus, look at Now Voyager - if Paul Henreid lit me a cigarette, HOW could I not take it?!?

None of my personal experience has shown me that smoking is a horrible addiction that may lead to permanent disability and death, but I know it's a horrible addiction that may lead to permanent disability and death because of extensive scientific studies and lots of publicity surrounding the disabilities and death of famous people who have died from smoking-related illnesses.

Yet, by that exact same criteria, by their own personal observations from family or friends and experiences of their own, I have heard so many people tell me cannabis smoking or eating is:

• harmless
• can cure a host of ailments
• fights cancer
• improves breathing
• reduces anxiety
• prevents diabetes
• slows development of Alzheimer’s disease

In addition to their own, personal experience - through their own use or what they've "seen" - they also find something on a web site with a URL like "greathealthnews dot com" or "natural good health dot com" or whatever that touts all the health benefits they believe. Or they find one study on a university site - never mind how old it is, never how small it is, and never mind that aren't lots of other studies affirming the results - and use it over and over to support their belief that cannabis is magical, that "big Pharma" is working to keep this miracle drug away from everyone, and on and on.

I was one of those people that wanted cannabis to be at least harmless, if not actually beneficial. For years, I had no fear of it whatsoever. 

But then I got asthma, and I can tell you, first hand, cannabis did NOT help. And then I got more and more frustrated with the lack of concentration and short-term memory and motivation of people I was working with, all daily pot users. And then I started reading more and more - not just studies that said what I wanted them to say, but studies that said what I really didn't want to hear. And my conclusion: there is not enough known about long-term cannabis use to say that it has health benefits, conclusively, but there is a plethora of studies showing some very dire results from long-term use, like its adverse effects on brain development among young people. The connections between cannabis use and schizophrenia are also quite disturbing. 

Am I telling you not to use cannabis? No. Am I denying that you believe you feel dramatically better after smoking it or eating it? Nope. Do I think alcohol use is oh so much safer than cannabis use? Nope. Do I doubt that cannabis use has any actual medicinal benefits? Nope. 

I'm saying you need to stop saying or implying that cannabis is harmless or even beneficial because we just do NOT know. There is NOT enough evidence, period. I hope there will be more studies, I really do, but there needs to be so, so, so much more. And we need to be ready for where the evidence leads us, even if we don't like it.  

A person I loved dearly died from cancer a few years ago, and her last six months were increasingly painful. She was dating someone who had a legal business associated with cannabis, and he touted one small study out of Italy that seemed to say it reduced the size or spread of cancer. One study. One. Study. Based on that, he kept her so stoned that she had no idea what was happening for the last four months of her life. I'm not sure she was able to make proper end-of-life decisions. I'm not sure if she was making fully-conscious decisions to stay stoned. If all that pot smoking made her substantially more comfortable and less-in-pain in those last months, then great, even if it did remove all of her capabilities for any clear thought or conversation, but I will always wonder if she would have completely "checked out" mentally and emotionally so soon if she hadn't been so heavily stoned all of the time. 

During my university days, I watched a friend have an anxiety-ridden freakout after sharing a joint with several people, something so outrageous it could have been out of the ridiculously over-the-top and medically inaccurate movie Refer Madness. No one else had that reaction, so it wasn't laced with anything, she wasn't taking any medications, but her reaction was so dire, so disturbing, we came very close to taking her to a hospital. She gradually calmed down. A few months later, she tried pot again, and she had the same reaction. I really, really hope she no longer gets anywhere near cannabis.

I bring up these two personal experiences because, if other people are allowed to bring up some personal observation they had about someone's pot use that they deemed as positive, they should also know there are a lot of stories out there that are NOT positive. The reality is that anecdotes are not reliable for conclusive decisions. Neither of my two stories prove ANYTHING except ONE person's observations. It would be ridiculous for me to make decisions based on those two first-hand observations about cannabis use - yet I hear people do so all the time regarding the positives of cannabis. 

And one or two studies are also not reliable for conclusive decisions. A study in April 2020 regarding COVID-19 noted that "Available data from China suggest a lower than expected number of hospital admissions among the smoking population." The media jumped on that news and reported that smoking might reduce a person's chance of getting the novel coronavirus. The "finding" eventually got debunked as more data came in, but I heard about it for at least a week on various news outlets before that. I wonder how many people never heard the debunking part?

Look, as long as you do not use any cannabis products before or while driving any vehicle or ever around your children, or do not use it if you or your partner are pregnant, and don't use it before you are 25, I don't care if you use cannabis. If you aren't putting anyone else in danger through your use, if you are able to care for your family and manage your life while still using cannabis, I don't care. I feel the same way about alcohol, in fact. If you are stoned or drunk when I'm talking to you, and I can't tell, and we still have nice conversations and you are pleasant despite your lack of sobriety, I also don't care.   

I also don't think people should go to jail or prison for using cannabis. 

But I am going to push back against the "cannabis is harmless!" bandwagon. 

Update: "Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS) affects the GI tract and can trigger severe uncontrolled vomiting. Once thought to be rare, doctors in the United States are increasingly reporting CHS cases in states that have legalized cannabis. If you are a frequent user of cannabis, please be aware of this, as many doctors, unless they are gastronomist, have not heard of it." More from this article in the Washington Post.