Breaking her spirit

I don't know why some people delight in tearing women down. But I have, too often, befriended such people, or worked for them. 

It's a calculated plan: these folks first look for opportunities to make a passive-aggressive comment, or call into question something the woman has said or done, particularly if they can do it in front of other people. Why did you do it that way?! implying in the presence of others that they had no idea what you were doing or why you are saying whatever it is you are saying. But these folks save the worst comments for one-on-one conversations, so they can later deny what was said was ever said. They also like to entice you into conversations where you think things are fine, great even, and so you share, as they are sharing with you... but later, you hear them represent some comment you made twisted in a way you never meant, or something you thought you were sharing in confidence revealed to all your friends or colleagues. 

The goal is for others to see you as these folks are framing you, and for you to second guess everything you say or do. And, unfortunately for women, it's a strategy that works all too well. 

These folks know when they've made a woman doubt herself. They know when they've stopped her on some kind of trajectory she was on, and now she's not going to do that project at all, or in quite the same way, or tell that story, with the confidence she had just a few seconds ago. They know she's going to become more and more silent and tentative. That realization is their first moment of triumph, and they work hard for more.  

The strategy starts off as little, infrequent attacking comments. And it may never escalate above that. And you may tolerate it because this person is otherwise really great to be around. Or brilliant. Or a neighbor you will probably see every day. Or your boss in a job you really, really need. Or someone your boss really likes. Or a family member.  

Or it may become relentless. And soul-crushing.  

It's all about control. These folks have, somehow, seen something in a woman - you - that intimidates them, that threatens them, so they have to pick at it, if not out-and-out try to crush it. There's something about that woman that makes the person think, I cannot let her confidence continue. And I know how to kill it.  

The word bully gets thrown around a lot these days, but I can't think of anything that better describes these folks. A bully isn't just someone who says something that hurts your feeling. A bully isn't just someone who criticizes you. According to my dictionary, a bully is a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. 

I think about the people who have spoken out about their treatment by Joss Whedon, someone whose work has touched my life and lifted me up as much as any actual friend I've ever had - and maybe more. I think about what Megan Markle said about her experience in London. And I think about my own experiences, including a recent work experience. 

When I complained about being sexually harassed at one humanitarian job site by a co-worker, the HR person said, "You know that this kind of work is hard and presents really tough challenges. If you aren't cut out for it, you might need to look for work elsewhere." And I quit complaining and asked a co-worker to please make sure I was never put in the same car as that other co-worker, because I really loved that job otherwise, I really needed it. So, not only was the harasser making life hell - the HR manager wanted that moment of control, and the ongoing power that comes with it - I'm so grateful it never worked out that that HR manager was in no way involved in my performance review, because I know exactly how he would have reveled in that power. 

When an employer that I'd left under not great terms called almost two years later, almost begging me to come back, I went back, knowing full well how badly I had been treated before - the insults, the cutting remarks, the humiliation in front of other staff - but I really, really needed the job, and thought, okay, this time, I'm going to be different. And it was different - it was worse. I guess there are people that would say, "You knew what you were signing on for. You knew how it would be. You can't complain if you knew all that." 

Let's be clear: there's a big difference in a tough work environment and a humiliating one. And no one should have to tolerate working or living in a humiliating environment, no matter how much "tradition" is behind it, no matter how brilliant the leader is perceived to be, no matter how much great work that workplace or institution or person may or may not have done. 

You have every right to say, "This is not what I signed up for. I'm out." And to walk away. 

I never want to forget this week

I haven't blogged about the coup attempt almost two weeks ago because I am still so horrified and outraged, I just can't even. I still seethe at the videos and I fully, passionately support the fullest prosecution of every damn person involved, all the way to the top. What else is there to be said?

I want to focus on better things in this blog. 

January 19, 2020 was a day of immersing myself in funny things, so I wouldn't feel so anxious about my worst fears coming true the next day. I celebrated that Disney+ has announced that all five seasons of ‘The Muppet Show’ will be available to stream on February 19th with an animated gif of Luke Skywalker and Miss Piggy and thanked Joe Biden for making it possible. I listened to the carpool karaoke of "One Day More" three times. I watched the Randy Rainbow goodbye even more. I laughed at other people's posts a LOT. Theater people were the stars that day with hilarious and glorious parody songs and videos, bless 'em. 

Of course, the day wasn't without one final outrage: the tweet from Mike Pompeo. One more slap in the face. One more reminder that fascism is still a threat. And the news that Los Angeles county had relaxed its air quality restrictions so they can do more cremations than they are usually allowed to do, because of all the people dying from COVID-19 - a reminder of just how deadly the last four years have been and how long we're going to pay for this nightmare.

At my staff meeting for one of my clients that day, my supervisor announced that the company was asking everyone NOT to schedule any meetings for Inauguration Day. I hadn't scheduled any social media posts, just as I hadn't for January 8th, both for fear of what might happen and because I knew no one would see them in the sea of messages about national events that would happen that day (yes, of course I knew something awful would happen on Jan. 8th, I just didn't realize the magnitude). 

I didn't think I would be able to sleep the night before the inauguration but, in fact, I did. Stress sleep. It's what I do. 

Wednesday morning, I got up at 5:30 a.m., as usual. I sat down on my usual place on the couch and turned on network TV, forgoing my usual viewing of BBC News. I sat there, watching the live coverage of the Capitol. And at one point, they showed the empty seats and platform for the inauguration, and I burst into sobs. Not tears - sobs. This was really happening. All of the Trump fascists, including the fascists in chief, were gone. They really, truly were gone. And Joe Biden was about to become President, a man who believes in science, someone far more patriotic and loving than me. 

It freaked Stefan out that I was so emotional, crying over a stage setup. What can I say - to me, what it represented - preparation for hope - was just completely overwhelming. 

On Facebook, I posted a link to Woody Guthrie singing "This Land is Your Land" and announced that I was opening sobbing and nothing had even happened yet. Turns out I wasn't alone. Thank you to everyone who jumped in the comments as we went through the day together. I just went back and read through the comments. I feel such a warmth flowing all through me as I read it. And how wonderful when, hours after that song first was on my mind that day, J Lo sang a bit of it. Oh, man, I so lost it in that moment, it was just perfect. That was the song of the day, as far as I'm concerned. 

Joe Biden wasn't my first, second nor third choice for President. But I can honestly say that this inauguration was so, so much more emotional for me than President Obama's. I think because, when Barack Obama became President, it just felt inevitable, even required, a continuation of the evolution of the country and its people. Like, "Hey, look at us, on the right track, going on our merry way to progress and goodness, because that's what we do! Wahoo, us! And we'll have a woman President in eight years!" But Biden's inauguration... we came so, so close to the horrifying alternative, and I couldn't stop thinking about that. Remember all my dire predictions regarding the Trump presidency and my stated fears and how I lost friends over my predictions and terror and outrage - and how I was right about pretty much EVERYTHING I predicted? Do you really want my list for what was coming had so many, many people not stayed absolutely resolute and dedicated and Stacy Abrams and everyone else not gotten out the vote? 

The last two days have far, far exceeded my expectations: all these Executive Orders reversing some of the biggest travesties of the previous administration, the firings of the heads of the VOA and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, taking the reigns off of Fauci... President Joe Biden has accomplished in two days what I expected to take a month or two. 

And I am feeling smug. I admit it. I laid out a plan at the start of the nonsense four years ago and it was inflexible and intolerant and I stuck to it and, by gosh, I AM PROUD OF IT. I still believe silence means approval. I still believe that you cannot "come together" with fascists. I'm still as angry at the people who voted for Gary Johnson or Jill Stein or wrote in Bernie for President or, even worse, didn't vote at all.  

But mostly, I'm focused on doing all I can to ensure that fascism never gets such a foothold in the White House - and rooting out what's in the Senate, the House, and state legislatures across this country. Mostly, I'm feeling hope. 

55

 Probably over the halfway mark. 

2020 - not my worst year

Science has shown that gratitude, that making a list of things that have gone well, makes a person healthier. Yup: counting your blessings really is a good thing, not some pseudoscience wackadoodle nonsense. 

Good things I experienced in 2020:

• I started off the year at a weight and size that made me feel glorious - I was healthier, it was easier to do everything, from turning over in a sleeping bag to getting on and off my motorcycle to taking off and putting on clothes to bending over to tie my shoes. I looked good too!  
• I got to take Stefan to the Broken Spoke in Austin, Texas at long, long last and we had the magical honky-tonk night I've long dreamed of. It's such a special place to me, and I know it's not much longer for this Earth.  
• I did some of my best work, professionally. At the start of the year in particular, I had challenges thrown at me at breakneck speed and very little support - I was often entirely on my own at my biggest gig of 2020. I just kept pushing along, just kept producing - I discovered boss video editing skills I never knew I had and got to put some of my book's suggestions to test yet again, to see if they were still valid - and they are! I'm very, very proud of what I accomplished this year, work-wise. 
• I got a professional gig that I haven't been able to tell any of you about, because I signed a non-disclosure agreement, but I will be able to someday, and for that gig, I had to make a LOT of videos none of you have ever seen, and the company I did the gig for said that mine were the funniest and most lively of anyone on the project. In short: I got paid to be a dork. 
• I've sold a LOT of books, far, far more than even the year my book was released.
• We rode through Baja, California, Mexico & back on our motorcycles. I don't even know how to summarize what an amazing, soul-quenching adventure it was, so you will have to read the travelogue. But it was, hands down, the highlight of the year. And the last time I socialized with other humans other than Stefan.  
• I got to see Henry for the first time since Williamstown, and meet his family, and it was wonderful (but little did we know it was the last time we would hang out with anyone for 2020). 
• A friend from Portland, one of my best friends from high school, was finally able to visit me in my home. 
• We spent two nights out on Washington County backroads viewing Comet NEOWISE. A lot of times, when you hear there is going to be some kind of celestial event, you see it and think, really, that's it? This was NOT one of those times. 
• Hearing Stefan's reaction to seeing the rings of Saturn for the first time through our Aldi telescope. He's not emotive AT ALL, so hearing him exclaim anything, ever, is an amazing moment. Months later, we got to see Jupiter and Saturn in one viewing through the telescope, something we'll never experience again. Oh, the joy our cheap telescope has brought us this year in particular. 
• Stefan bought a wood-burning pizza oven and we used it over and over and over.
• For 3 months, I got to have a cat, and I enjoyed every second of it. Giving up Zeb broke my heart, but he is so, so happy in his new home, with his girl. 
• I got to find out that this vehicle exists.
• The day we sat on the sidewalk outside, making chalk art.
• Stefan cut my hair twice AND colored my hair, experiences neither of us will ever forget. 
• The results of the November 2020 election. 
• Tim and Fred Williams, twin brothers in Gary, Indiana, listening to various artists for the first time. TwinsthenewTrend have brought me so much joy this year. Some days, they were the ONLY joy. I am proud to help their first time experiencing Dolly Parton and Jolene go viral. 
• Lucinda. Every day. 
• We didn't get the novel coronavirus. 
• My biopsy was negative cancer.
• I grew my own garlic for the first time and had the best year ever for growing my own salad.
• Being a part of Black Lives Matter protests - and seeing protests even in tiny Oregon towns. 
• The Democratic Convention online. I was so skeptical. I was beyond skeptical. I watched it at first thinking I'd turn it off after 10 or so minutes. I watched it all! 
• I got cool new neighbors. 
• My friends came through for me in a major way online - and I don't just mean Eric Idle. You know who you are and what you did... 
• Christmas. It was the nicest one we've had in years. I don't know what made it so special. We didn't do anything different than previous years. Maybe we just appreciated our health and luck more than ever. 

But it was a rough year, that just cannot be ignored or denied. And not only because of people dying, becoming permanently disabled, or otherwise suffering from COVID-19, not only because of beloved businesses closing, not only because of the horrific economic hardship suffered by so many, not only because the performing arts and other live performance of any kind may never recover: 

• I further lost hope in humanity, as I watched people refuse to wear masks, refuse to not travel, refuse to not isolate from friends and family, because they found such inconvenient. I didn't think I could hate people more than I did in November 2016. I was wrong. Seeing people behaving so, so badly, with no regard for their fellow humans, no regard for the institutions of this nation, because they felt bored or inconvenienced or somehow oppressed... going skiing or to the beach when public health officials were BEGGING people not to travel at all, flying for vacations, getting together for parties with "just a few friends..." I'm never going to be over the profound selfishness I have seen during this pandemic, seeing people at their absolute worst. 
• I gained almost all the weight I worked so, so hard to lose in 2018 and 2019. To have felt so, so good when this year started, and to have it all gone now, to have all the health problems that come with being obese come back... it's soul-crushing. I'm ravenously hungry all the time, ever since we got back from Mexico, in a way I never have been in my life.  
• A cherished, long friendship ended, bitterly. And that former friend worked hard to tear me down before I realized what was happening. I prefer walking away to burning something that was once wonderful down completely and THEN walking away. I've learned yet again: when someone in your life spends a lot of time running other people down, be aware that that's exactly what they do to you when you aren't around. She wasn't always this way, and I hope someone helps her recognize the start of dementia, which, unfortunately, makes a lot of people become assholes.  
• I learned yet again the importance of documenting everything in your work - even if it's just to prove something to yourself in moments of self-doubt. And I learned yet again what Sharon Capeling-Alakaja said to me once upon a time is true: "You have to make absolutely certain everyone knows what you are accomplishing in your work, you have got to brag about what you're doing, because if you don't, there are people that will claim you aren't doing anything." 
• I don't think I'll ever go back to Austin. That city has been my spiritual home since the 1990s. My love for that city has run so, so deep. But my reasons for going to Austin are all gone now. Will I ever again love a place like I loved that city, that entire region? I know nothing lasts forever... I'm grateful to have experienced the city when I did, and how I did.  
• I went on what I think is going to be my last job interview ever. It was for a job I really, really wanted - maybe not quite as much as the two jobs last year I talked about so much, but still, a LOT. I was bubbling with ideas for it. As I left the interview, knowing that I never did quite connect with the people in that room, I realized I just can't do this anymore, I can't pour myself into all of the unpaid hours needed to apply for a job and prepare and interview once or twice and not get any payoff. And if I'm too old for that, I guess I'm too old for the jobs as well. 
• The troll. 
• The fires all over Northern California and the Pacific Northwest. This wasn't a faraway disaster, one we would see first hand only when we made a motorcycle trip through a region. This was thick smoke in my neighborhood, day after day, and having to wear one of the three N95 masks we have any time I stepped outside even for just a few moments, and looking at a sky that looked like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie.   
• The collapse of the iconic Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. I cried when I saw the video. What a loss. 
• I have tinnitus. And there's no cure! I realized it in the late summer. I really thought I'd been careful with my hearing in all of those years of going to hear live music - first because the bands I went to see weren't usually very loud (alt-country and bluegrass) and because I wore earplugs if things were even remotely loud... except once (damn you, Texas Tornados at the Austin Music Awards in March 1997). 
• I've never felt the loss of my paternal grandmother as deeply as I did this year. For some families, there's just one person holding it all together, like the sun in a solar system or the flame everyone gathers around, and without that person, the family members drift apart. Their relationship was with that person, not with each other. Mamaw kept me posted about family members moving, marrying, divorcing and dying. She welcomed my phone calls. She made sure we talked once a week. She told me she missed me. She made me feel a part of a family. That's truly gone, I realize that now, for the first time. If you still have that in your life, cherish it.  
• The dread of 2021. I know so many of you feel like all the problems are going to get left back in 2020 and this is a fresh start. I don't. Hospitals have patients out in their parking garages and their staff doesn't have enough PPE. There still isn't mass, regular testing. People are gathering inside each other's homes, restaurants and health clubs are refusing to follow public health guidelines. I am not hopeful to get the vaccine myself before the Fall - that means nine more months of staying at home and being terrified. No, I don't look at January 1 as a fresh start - I believe numbers will sky-rocket through Feburary because of all that people have done since the Fall. 

But even with all that, it wasn't my worst year. Not my second worst year. Not even in the top five of worst years for me. Although, I'm publishing this with about 14 hours to go in 2020.

I really shouldn't end on a downer... so I will end with this:

In all this time of reflection during home quarantine, I've realized that, as of February 2021, it will be 20 years since I moved to Germany and began an adventure that changed my life forever, an amazing adventure that followed a lot of other amazing adventures I thought could never be bested. So, in February 2021, I'm planning on celebrating the 20th anniversary of moving and living abroad by sharing each of my travelblogs 20 years after each happened. To prepare, I've been spending a lot of time re-designing those pages to make them more attractive to read. It's been really nice to revisit that time of my life. I said over and over back then, "I am the luckiest girl alive." Two decades later, with hindsight, I can say, yes, I was.  

So, that's my year in review. Hope the two of you that actually read my blog enjoyed it. 

Miracle of Miracles

The week of Thanksgiving, I watched Fiddler: A Miracle of Miracles, a documentary on Great Performances on PBS. It's about the origins of Fiddler on the Roof, a musical so many of us love beyond measure. 

I am way too emotionally fragile these days, even more so than usual, and I cried through most of it. I mean, CRIED. I had to pause it a few times to weep for a few minutes. 

In this era of chastising people for cultural appropriation and rebuking people from one culture from wearing anything, singing anything or presenting anything from a culture not of their own culture, I was so happy to see the productions of this play in Japan and in Indonesia so celebrated, and the universal themes acknowledged over and over. I loved the comment one of the creators got when it was produced in Japan: a person asked him, "Do American audiences really like this?" He said yes, of course. And the person said, "I'm surprised, because it's so Japanese!" 

I have this fantasy of subtitling the show in Pashto and Dari and showing it annually on TV in Afghanistan. Because the story is SO Afghan to me. 

The documentary talked about how, in the spring of 1969, a group of black and Puerto Rican junior high school students staged Fiddler on the Roof in Brooklyn, as black-Jewish tension swirled around them. The drama teacher directing the production believed that the show would give these kids a more sympathetic understanding of Jews. There were teachers at the school and community members who tried to stop the production, using many of the reasons people try to stop cross-cultural productions of certain shows now. But the show went on, and the students had a very personal, intimate connection with the show, with girls identifying with many of the patriarchal restrictions by male relatives, with children witnessing evictions - or being subjected to them - from homes. 

This from New York Jewish Week, a publication of the Times of Israel:

When someone tried to stop the show by alerting the producers that they didn’t have official permission, the show’s creative team granted special permission and in fact Jerry Bock, Sheldon Harnick and Joseph Stein, along with producer Hal Prince, traveled to Brownsville for opening night, as their own production was flourishing on Broadway. These kids belted out “Tradition” and “If I Were A Rich Man” from their souls... While Jews felt pride at seeing a robust show of Jewish content on Broadway, they were not the only ones to feel the sometimes-painful tug between tradition and modernity, between one generation and the next.

I'm not crying, YOU'RE CRYING!!

I first saw "Fiddler" via the film version on TV. I was a teenaged Kentucky gal, raised mostly Baptist, and not really clear on much regarding the Jewish religion, let alone Eastern European history I loved it, even as my brother walked through the room repeatedly making fun of whatever was on TV at that moment or me for watching it. I saw two amateur productions in Western Kentucky when I was in high school as well, neither of which, I suspect, had any actual Jewish people in them, and with Kentucky accents hard to hide. Both productions were adored by the audiences. Both productions reached people who never would have experienced the show otherwise. I guess there is a growing number of people who just can't understand how Fiddler on the Roof would mean something so dear to people who aren't even that familiar with Jewish culture, and would, in fact, be offended by such a group daring to stage the production. And that makes me incredibly sad. 

Givings people - kids, in particular - the chance to explore different stories and different kinds of theater, music, dance, etc., creates an understanding and empathy that is so needed in the world - it's not just fun, it's transformative. As long as it comes from a place of sincerity and respect, I love seeing people from one culture explore another culture through the performing arts. No, I don't mean black face, a practice where one group makes fun and demeans another through an exaggerated, stereotypical portrayal. But I tend not to lose my mind if, say, someone of Italian and African descent playing a Hispanic person from Chilé (Breaking Bad). Or a guy from Japan playing Kentucky bluegrass music. 

On another note, there was one person in the documentary I have met, have worked with, I thought yet again about how lucky I was to get to work in professional theater for a few years. I miss theater - professional and amateur - so, so much. I miss live, in-person performance so, so much. It hurts my head, it hurts my heart, it hurts my soul. But if they all opened tomorrow, I wouldn't go. Because there's a global pandemic. We've got to get through this so we can get back to live, in-performance, among other things. Please wear a mask. Please don't socialize with people outside of those you live with.  

letter regarding Forest Grove Police Department violations of community trust

sent via email

November 23, 2020

To: the City Council members of Forest Grove, Oregon

In the early morning hours of October 31, 2020, a family living in Forest Grove was terrorized in their home by an off-duty Forest Grove police officer, Steven Teets. Later that day, that same officer returned to the family's home, terrorizing the family again without even having to raise his voice this time - he said he was there to apologize but the family was extremely alarmed by his return, as though he was there to remind them that he knows where they live.

On top of this outrage, the Forest Grove police officer that responded to the family’s emergency call didn’t say that police had anyone in custody, instead asking if the family would be able to recognize the person. And Forest Grove police don’t have body camera video of Teets' police escort home because the Forest Grove police officer who picked him up and gave him a ride home didn't record the encounter.

Violation after violation after violation. Not missteps, not mistakes and not training issues. These were willful violations by more than one Forest Grove police officer that undermine any trust in the police.

The Forest Grove police department has a systemic problem, and these series of incidents are just the ones that have made the news.

Forest Grove had a police chief through 2019 who was trying to reform this department, trying to weed out the chronic people and problems, trying to institute standards of quality and respect, trying to build bridges with a diversity of community members - and in return for her work, she was harassed and the city forced her to resign. Because, just like the police officers on October 31, what was most important was closing ranks, not addressing problems, not doing what was difficult but necessary.

It's going to take more than firing Steven Teets to restore faith in the Forest Grove police department. It's going to take more than a memo or two from anyone, no matter who they are, assuring residents of Forest Grove that there's "concern" or that "action is being taken." It's going to take more than one or two community meetings. The Forest Grove police department must be substantially reimagined and reformed.

The kind of change that's needed comes from bold requirements of the people working in the Forest Grove police department, over months and years, such as:

• Officers must be reminded regularly, through training, through actions by senior leadership and by all communications internal and external, that they are public servants, that they serve this community, and that absolutely anyone living in this community, regardless of the language they speak, regardless of their immigration status, regardless of their ethnicity, regardless of how many years they may have been in Oregon, are MEMBERS of this community that police serve. The steps taken to establish and reinforce this culture must be reported to the public each year. 
• Officers must go through yearly, meaningful, substantial anti-bias training, and this training, including who leads it, how many hours it took and sample materials, must be made available to the public each year.
• There must be a no-tolerance policy for police officers engaging in threats or violence of civilians, including while off-duty.
• All officers who are not already bilingual in English and another language relatively common to this area should be REQUIRED to take classes to learn the basics of a second language. Spanish would be most practical, but Thai, Vietnamese or Arabic would also be acceptable. Results of this training should be reported to the public each year. 
• There must be a ban on any participation by Forest Grove police officers to attend "warrior" trainings, such as those by Dave Grossman, and there must be absolutely no funding whatsoever by the city of Forest Grove for such. There must also be trainings (ongoing, not just one) to undo and refute the principles espoused in these "warrior" trainings.  
• There must be better, more regular training regarding police interactions with people with mental health issues or struggling with homelessness or addiction, and this training must be reported to the public each year.
• There must be a ban on officers fired for misconduct from any police department anywhere or who left a department before they could be fired, from being hired in Forest Grove.
• The police department should release to the public a list of how many complaints were filed against officers in a given year, how many different people filed those complaints, how many officers had complaints against them in that year, and how many of those complaints resulted in disciplinary action against an officer. Even if the details of the complaints are not given to the public, nor the officers are named, citizens have a right to these numbers, and a right to look over these numbers from year to year to decide for themselves if there is a problem that should be addressed.
• Police department policies for social media must go beyond what is standard: officers should be told that, when posting on social media, even on their own time, they must
  -- take personal responsibility for the content they publish.
  -- identify themselves truthfully in any public forum.
  -- always be factual.
  -- never post content that is inconsistent with the values of the police department.
  -- never post content that would undermine the public's trust in the Forest Grove police department.

If this city loses police officers who don't like these standards, so be it: this city will be better off without them. All of this is needed much more than a new police building.

But will any of these reforms happen? I am highly doubtful. I suspect ranks will close, general statements about how "action will be taken" will be made, even defensive statements refuting that there really is a systemic problem will be made.

Actions speak louder than words - we will all be watching those actions by the Forest Grove city council, the city manager, and police officers themselves. 

Update: On Tuesday, November 24, the following was received by me via email:

Jayne,

I have been requested to respond to your email. I want to thank you for expressing your concerns and recommendations. I also want to let you know that I share your concerns. I have spoken the victim in this case, and assured her, as I do you, that the City takes personnel matters very seriously and allegations against any officer will be investigated and they will be held accountable to assure compliance with local, state, and federal policy.

The Washington County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the criminal aspects of the incident. Once the case is resolved, we will proceed with an independent review of the incident. If it violated policy, personnel action will be taken at that time.

To assure objectivity and accountability, we have also requested an outside, independent investigation of the Department’s response to the incident. This will include, but not be limited to, the use of body worn cameras. As with all investigations, our goal is to assure impartiality and objectivity.

As you mention, the integrity of the Forest Grove Police Department is essential to the public trust. Please know that all allegations about the Department’s police officers are reviewed and investigated to assure compliance with local, state, and federal policy and that the officers are held accountable to those policies.

I recognize this is a difficult situation and I ask for your patience to allow the course of both investigations to be completed. These processes will take time. There are labor law guidelines that we must follow that ensure due-process. As this matter progresses, I will keep the community informed.

Your recommendations do resonate with me. Prior to this incident, I had already been working with Pacific University on implementing training in various areas, to include implicit bias training. There also policies in place that cover several of your recommendations/concerns.

Since my arrival, I have placed police policies and our stop data on our web page for public viewing. As we close out the 2020 calendar year, all of our annual reports will also be posted on our web page. This will include use of force and citizen complaints. As a quick review, in 2019 we completed 10 investigations related to complaints involving members of this agency. The complaints were categorized as follows:

Investigations – 4, Performance – 4, Use of Force - 1, Other -1 (lost property). Only one of the complaints were sustained. There were no racial bias complaints. Please note that the Forest Grove Police Department had over twenty thousand Community contacts in 2019.

Again thank you expressing your concerns and sharing the recommendations. Please have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Respectfully,

Henry

Henry Reimann
Chief
Forest Grove Police Department
2102 Pacific Ave
Forest Grove, OR 97116
503-992-3260

Update: Here's my response, sent via email on November 29, 2020

I did not write the interim police chief of Forest Grove. I wrote the city council, the people that I assumed you reported to. That they did not respond, that they have turned this over to the interim police chief to respond, speaks volumes about how they are treating this matter - and not in a good way. What's next - an email from Officer Teets telling me how sorry he is?

The integrity of the Forest Grove Police Department cannot be rebuilt by someone who doesn't believe that there is a problem. Your response implies that the problem is perception, not the current culture, and that policies already in place address my concerns. Therefore, I want a link to each policy for each bullet item I have posted below, that shows there are already policies in place for each of the concerns.

Your response also implies that a workshop or two at Pacific University will take care of any other perception issues. I would like the names of the people at Pacific University that have experience in police reform and evaluation studies on their work at previous police departments that show their expertise and training are effective. Otherwise - it's just a very small step on what should be a much, much longer journey. 

Without someone leading this department who will acknowledge that there is a cultural, systemic problem at the Forest Grove Police Department, and, indeed, in policing across this nation, the problems are not going away. And clearly, from your response, we still don't have that. 

I would prefer to see police officers quitting because they don't like changes implemented by the chief, like a focus on serving citizens and an absolute refutation by the police chief regarding "warrior" training and, instead, a focus on patrolling and interacting with residents, de-escalation and valuing the diversity to this community. I would prefer to see a chief that says, "I'm not here to be popular with the rank and file, I'm here to serve the residents of Forest Grove." 

I've heard over and over that you are very good at making people who are complaining or asking questions to feel better in the moment, but I need a lot more than "I'm concerned too." I need a lot more than "We did some cultural-sensitivity training with a local group." I'm looking beyond "he seems nice." I am looking for real acknowledgment of the seriousness of this systemic problem and real, even painful, changes, that will reform this local police department. I talk over and over to residents who have very bad experiences with police, especially when they call for help with someone, and when I say, "Why don't you write a complaint? I'll help you!" I hear over and over: "It won't matter, and then I'll become a target." I hear this at least once a month. While I appreciate have the ear and trust of so many in this community, a place I did not grow up in, it saddens me that this is how so many in this community feel.   

I say it again: actions speak louder than words. Many of us, not just me, will all be watching those actions by the Forest Grove city council, the city manager, and police officers themselves over the coming months. 

received via email, December 1, 2020

Jayne,

Thank you for the response and feedback. I apologize that my response did not meet your expectations.

Respectfully,

Henry
Henry Reimann
Chief
Forest Grove Police Department
2102 Pacific Ave
Forest Grove, OR 97116
503-992-3260

Miss him.

“I’m not going to the White House Correspondents’ dinner,” he said. “I don’t need to be laughing it up with Henry Kissinger.” He then launched into a tirade about how it sickens him, having travelled in Southeast Asia, to see Kissinger embraced by the power-lunch crowd. “Any journalist who has ever been polite to Henry Kissinger, you know, fuck that person,” he said, his indignation rising. “I’m a big believer in moral gray areas, but, when it comes to that guy, in my view he should not be able to eat at a restaurant in New York.”

I pointed out that Bourdain had made similarly categorical denunciations of many people, only to bury the hatchet and join them for dinner.

“Emeril didn’t bomb Cambodia!” he said.

From a 2017 article in the New Yorker.

I miss Anthony Bourdain. So, so much.