To my neighbors & other former friends

Shout out to the neighbors who stood in my backyard in December 2016 and insulted me and said I was being hysterical and that Trump and Hillary Clinton were the same and none of my predictions about the Supreme Court, abortion, immigration and more would EVER come true, as well to the people on Facebook who said I was too political and absolutely ridiculous to be SO worried about any of this. 

And ALSO to all the "we need to come together with the other side" people. 

F*ck you, sincerely & completely. You did this. This is you:

Of course, you'll never admit it. You'll never apologize. That's also why you are .

I do not have to share this. But I am.

I'm very private about my health issues and health care. If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed that I rarely even mention doctors' appointments or even dental appointments. I hate that my dentist office has an open floor plan, where there is just one big room for all procedures and patients are blocked from seeing each other by cabinets - you can hear everything said in the space next door, which means others can hear my conversations with the staff there. The most I'll be open about is my weight loss - and even then, I'm holding back a lot because what I've gone through health-wise because of weight IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

I really hate my health issues being public.

I know a lot of people who are very open about their health issues - depression, cancer, surgeries, medication, whatever. I'm not at all condemning them, mostly because I often read those posts. A friend wrote emails to her friends about her cancer treatments over a few years and I learned SO much - I had no idea what certain treatments really involved, even though I'd heard the names of such many times. It was very educational for me and I appreciated it.

But no one who is going through or has gone through any illness, condition or medical treatment should ever feel obligated to share their story. I think having a root canal should be private if a person wants that to be private. And I feel the same about aborting a pregnancy. Neither are procedures someone should feel ashamed of, but the motivation for people not sharing them often doesn't come from shame - it comes from a feeling that person has that medical procedures of any kind are NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

That I aborted a pregnancy is none of your business. I don't have to share publicly that I aborted a pregnancy and no one else has to share that they have done so. And I've never intended to share it publicly, not because I'm ashamed of it - I am not ashamed of my abortion - but because it is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

But state legislatures across the USA are working to ban the procedure of aborting pregnancies. Restricting access has been bad enough: women forced to watch videos designed to scare or shame them into canceling the appointment, waiting periods designed to make it impossible for some women to make an appointment, clinic requirements designed to make it impossible for some clinics to continue operations, etc. Those restrictions have lead to thousands of women forced to give birth, and if you think all of those stories ended with happy, healthy babies and women ultimately grateful that they carried the pregnancy to term, you live in a fantasy world - I'm the person that those women will tell, quietly, away from everyone else, that this is not a happy ending. Those restrictions on access to abortion services have NOT come with funding for pre-natal care, maternal health care, infant care, post-natal health care, rent and food assistance for women forced to quit jobs, child care, etc., so no one can say this is somehow "pro life" with any sincerity whatsoever. The bans on abortion won't come with any of that funding either.

I'm not going to tell you why I wanted an abortion because IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I'm not going to tell you a story that works to garner your sympathy regarding the circumstances regarding my getting pregnant or what my life was like at that time because IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS and because IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY A WOMAN WANTS TO ABORT A PREGNANCY. It does. not. matter. No debate, no discussion, don't even try with me.

I aborted a pregnancy. I have zero regrets about accessing abortion services. The person who shared responsibility for that pregnancy isn't worth a second thought. I am grateful to the very dear male friend who made my appointment and the other very dear male friend who loaned me part of the cash I needed and drove me the 67 miles to and from the clinic - both still my friends, both still very dear to me though I see them rarely. I am grateful to one woman in particular who was also aborting a pregnancy that day at the clinic - her second abortion: she gave me wonderful advice and comfort. I am disappointed in my female friends at the time who knew (most didn't) and avoided me like the plague, either because they disapproved of the decision or they just didn't want to deal with the crisis I was going through. And it was a crisis, in every sense of the word, and it jeopardized not only everything I had going for me at that time but my entire future. And my future matters. And I'm not going to tell you any more about the crisis that surrounded that pregnancy because IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS and because IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY A WOMAN WANTS TO ABORT A PREGNANCY. It does. not. matter. No debate, no discussion, don't even try with me.

So, yes, I aborted a pregnancy. I am grateful that I had access to services to do it. I am grateful that the drive to the clinic was just 67 miles away. I am grateful that the anti-choice, anti-women religious zealots that usually terrorize women outside of clinics took that day off. I am grateful I was able to have an appointment that allowed me to not miss the substantial obligations and immediate goals I had at that time such that no one around me ever suspected what was happening, not because I was ashamed but because I wanted to complete those obligations and goals, they meant the world to me, and I remain proud of what I was able to achieve despite having to deal with the crisis of a pregnancy and the procedure and recovery from a medical procedure - from aborting a pregnancy. I am grateful that abortion allowed me to be where I am, professionally and personally.

And I am also grateful for the time, many years later, that I think I miscarried a pregnancy before I even knew I was pregnant. The circumstances around that are also NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

For all of this, in a growing number of states, per the legislation they have passed, I would be a criminal if I had done these things now, as would every medical professional that participated in my abortion procedure and my friend that drove me across state lines to and from the clinic. I would also be a criminal for not reporting that miscarriage and not having a funeral for the clump of cells my body, thankfully, decided to flush out. And that's why I've chosen to share my story, because no woman who chooses to abort a pregnancy or chooses to be silent about a miscarriage should be prosecuted for anything - nor humiliated, for that matter.

Every single person reading this blog cares about someone who also happens to have needed an abortion and is GRATEFUL she was able to access that abortion. Every. Single. One. Of. You.

If you are against abortion, that's fine: don't ever have one. If you think you are "pro-life", then I look forward to your social media posts about the need for universal health care and the horror of putting children in cages and separating them from their families at the border and your support for tax increases to provide funding for rent and food assistance for women forced to quit jobs, access child care, assistance in care for children with disabilities, etc. because of forced child-bearing. I look forward to your posts about your regularly volunteering for babysitting and child care for children with disabilities so that parents can work, go to the grocery or go to medical appointments.

If these laws are even partially upheld by the Supreme Court - and with the new makeup of the court, that is very likely to happen - I will volunteer my guest room for women who want to access abortion services in Oregon and will risk crossing state lines to get it, and I will drive them to and from their abortion appointments. If that means I can never go to certain states because I would risk arrest, so be it - that's their loss, not mine.

I don't give one fuck for any friend or family member I lose contact with over this post. Buh bye. Please let the door hit you in your ass on your way out of my life.

#youknowme #ihadanabortion

2017 & beyond

From "The Empire Strikes Back: We thought women would break new ground in 2016. We were wrong," by Michelle Goldberg for Slate.

However freakishly contingent his triumph, it forecloses the future feminists imagined at least for a long while. We’re going be blown backward so far that this irredeemably shitty year may someday look like a lost feminist golden age. The very idea that women are equal citizens, that barriers to their full human flourishing should be identified and removed, is now up for grabs. A pastor warming up the crowd at a post-election Trump rally in Louisiana promised that with Trump in office, the White House would be a place “where men know who men are, women know who women are.” The massive power of the American state is about to be marshaled to put women in their place.

We might well lose Roe v. Wade in the next four years. Trump has said the issue would then go back to the states, but there’s no reason to think that Republicans would settle for anything less than a national ban. There is a particular insult at the thought of a sybarite like Trump, who still won’t say whether he’s ever paid for an abortion himself, imposing a regime of forced birth on American women. When and if Trump strips us of bodily autonomy, there won’t be any illusions that he’s doing it to protect life or the family or sexual morality. It will be because he has power, and women’s hopes and plans for their own lives don’t matter to him at all.

Controlling the course of our own lives is going to get harder in many different ways. We can say goodbye to Department of Education pressure on colleges to address campus rape. We can expect the end of federal aid for Planned Parenthood and of federal government action to promote equal pay and fight sexual harassment and pregnancy discrimination. The Women’s Bureau, the one department in the federal government tasked with responding to the needs of women in the workforce, will now fall under the aegis of former Carl’s Jr. honcho Andrew Puzder, whose company is known for commercials featuring near-naked women in orgasmic communion with sandwiches. “I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis,” he said. “I think it’s very American.” Like top Trump adviser Steve Bannon, Puzder has also been accused of assaulting his now-ex wife.

Happy 2017.