May Snippets

In a moment of frustration, I tweeted, "Are any of my Twitter followers real? Are any of them NOT bots, and/or trying to sell me something?" And a company in England that specializes in safety & security training & advice for people working humanitarian efforts wrote back "we're real! And we now know what corn hole is thanks to you!" I'm a giver.

*    *   *

Local news showed a story re: a couple celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary, and how they’ve received notes from famous people, including a hand written note from George Clooney. I wish we’d done that for my maternal grandparents when they celebrated their 70th. And then, when Mama Cym got a hand written note from George Clooney, she would have said, “Who is he? Is he related to Rosemary?”

*    *   *

Saw "Mad Max", to put myself in a better mood after a motorcycle class fiasco (don't ask). Spoilers abound in the following: (1) I want a Furiosa action figure AND I WANT IT NOW (2) the old women at the end have given me a great vision for my retirement community someday (3) Even with all that said, I really don't get all the hubub about this being an "aggressively feminist movie." An aggressively feminist movie would have had a lot more than dainty women in white whining to be saved and sometimes shooting guns, old women on motorbikes, and a one-armed bad ass woman truck driver. An aggressively feminist movie would have had a woman chopping off a guy's head, drinking his blood, and screaming "I HATE PENISES!!!" Oh well, off to write my screenplay.

*    *   *

We had a very nice hike to end May. I took a few photos, as well as a short video of what may be Lucinda's first time in the water. I freaked out the eager Tillamook Forest center worker. "Do you know much about the rough-skinned newt?" she asked from behind her information desk. "Well, yeah, I did my PhD thesis on them." Her entire face fell. And then I told her I was kidding. I don't think she was amused. So I asked lots of questions about the rough-skinned newt to make her feel better. She also said, "These are the most toxic creatures in Oregon!" And I said no, honey, *I* am the most toxic creature in Oregon." And her colleague laughed, and she looked horrified. I shouldn't be let out, I really shouldn't.


*    *   *

We had a party on Labor Day and invited several neighbors over, including their dogs. There were five in the backyard at one point. The next day, Lucy just could understand why our backyard cannot be full of dogs all the time. I swear that she was mad that our Memorial Day party didn't mark the beginning of every day cookouts and dog visits.

And: can you find Gray Max the cat?

*    *   *

"BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured." -- Bret Bearup (yes, that one, the former U of KY player. He's hilarious)

And on a related note: shame on every country rep that voted to re-elect Sepp Blatter. SHAME ON YOU.

*    *   *

Mayhew International, an organization I became familiar with when I worked in Afghanistan, has recently carried out the first ever Street Dog Survey in Kabul, Afghanistan: a fantastic team of local volunteer vets & vet students have laid the groundwork for future mass vaccination and dog population management projects in Kabul. Donations made this happen. Please follow them on Facebook, share thehir status updates, and help this excellent organization that I love so much.

*    *   *

I wish everyone knew this: in Oregon, every intersection is a crosswalk unless marked otherwise (ORS 811.028). The crosswalk does NOT have to be marked with white lines or a sign (like that pictured) to be a pedestrian crossing. The law states that if you see a person waiting to cross an intersection at a corner, and that person has made some effort to demonstrate their desire to cross (such as a foot moving into the roadway, a hand extended out into the crosswalk, etc.), and you’re able to stop in time, you must stop and let that person cross.

*    *   *

Oh, what a surprise - drug testing welfare recipients is a huge waste of money, doesn't prevent drug use. Awesome.

*    *   *

"So a gay person wanting to pay you to do what you do for a living violates religious freedom but guys w/ guns surrounding a mosque doesn't?" - LOLGOP

the good & bad of grocery store clerks

Years ago, I popped off to a grocery store check out woman who commented that the salad I had put together at their salad bar looked "unimaginative." That said, I appreciated the check out person who, upon seeing that the only thing I was buying was a carton of ice cream and Drano, asked me if everything was okay.

I share this here because I shared it on my Facebook account in a discussion about annoying fast-food clerks and grocery store check out people, and it got a ton of likes. So, here it is for everyone.

Stuff My Mamaw Says

My paternal grandmother, Mamaw, is 94. My maternal grandmother, Mama Cym, just turned 96. They both live in the same retirement apartment complex, in their own apartments. It's wonderful that they can still live in their own individual spaces.

But Mamaw needs care here and there throughout the day, because she's quite blind and almost deaf (though her hearing aids make a HUGE difference). She needs someone to fix her meals, pick out her clothes (though she can dress herself), giver her the pills she needs to take daily, take her blood sugar levels and blood pressure and wash her dishes every day. She also needs someone to help her shower, do her laundry and clean her apartment twice a week. It's too much for any one family member to do - my sister and sister-in-laws would prefer to spend their time with Mamaw taking her out to breakfast or lunch, taking her to special events, taking her shopping, getting her together with her great-grandchildren and other fun stuff. Having caregivers gives family more time to do all those social things with Mamaw that are just as important and necessary as the daily grind stuff. We have one caregiver to do the daily things and one to do the weekly things.

But our daily caregiver had surgery and needed a couple of weeks off. My brother and sister-in-law came to our hometown to take care of Mamaw for the first week, and I've been here for a week. I stayed right here in her apartment. My siblings and I have grown up with Mamaw being a HUGE part of our lives, and I'm glad to give back just a tiny bit of what she's given me.

But this week has also been a fascinating learning experience for me. It's something I think every adult should do at least once - spend one week taking care of someone elderly. I thought I really knew a lot about aging issues; I learned there's so much still to know.

One thing I learned was just how many people here are on the Internet. There's anywhere from a dozen to two dozen networks showing at any given time. Why this place doesn't have a Facebook page with all of its events posted, or a Google calendar with all the events posted, I do not know. Yes, I've suggested it. It would make it easy not only for all those Internet connected folks here, but also, for their relatives to see what's going on (there are almost daily events down in the common area).

But the best thing about this week is enjoying Mamaw's perspective on the world. She often had to curb her silly side over the years, as a preacher's wife. But now, she doesn't hold back at all, and it's incredibly fun to hear her perspective on everything. So I decided to post updates to Facebook about our time together. And she turned out to be a HUGE hit on Facebook! I haven't had so many likes for most of the things I post:


* * *
Mamaw comment for today (actually said last night): "I'm content to just sit here. I'm content like a cow.

* * *
In response to "How are you today," Mamaw's response was "Fat and Sassy!"
Coolest. 94-year-old. Eva.

* * *
After burping several times in one minute, Mamaw says: "you outta find a way to put all this in a can. Then you could run your car on it."

* * *
Mamaw likes to have her hair brushed, because she likes her "scalp woke up."


* * *
My grandmother just asked me where I parked my motorcycle outside. Yes, Mamaw, I road it from Oregon to Kentucky. In 12 hours. She either thinks I am the most badass motorcycle rider EVER, or she forgot I live in the other state. Or maybe both?


* * *
Mamaw needs an iPhone with REALLY loud volume and on and off buttons that can be distinguished easily just by feeling them - so she can talk with Siri all day. She has a million questions, and Siri could answer them, some of them more than once!

* * *
Here at my grandmothers' retirement home, someone has named their Internet connection "WildTurkey", and another person has named their Internet connection "FreeSpirit." I think there are more things going on here than you might think just by visiting the lobby.

* * *
Mamaw likes to sing in the morning. The correct lyrics to the hymn are "Turn your lights down low, And listen to the master's radio" but she changed it to "Turn your lights down low, and then give a big hug to your beau..." And then she laughed and laughed.

* * *

Mamaw, after getting mad at me for not letting her lick the chicken salad off the bread instead of also eating the bread : "I wish I could be around when YOU'RE in your 90s and see how YOU act." I'm learning a LOT about how to act being around all these folks at Pleasant Point, lemme tell ya! (she's diabetic - we have to really monitor her regarding her food)

* * *
I once asked her if she could have been a preacher. She was washing dishes. She whirled around and said, "Yes! I could have been a preacher! I know how to preach!" I said, yes, but Mamaw, Paul said that women should stay silent in church. She made a face and said, "Paul hated women. Some woman broke his heart and we've been paying for it ever since."

* * *
In addition to taking care of my paternal grandmother (Mamaw) this week, I'm also spending time with my maternal grandmother (Mama Cym), who tells me FANTASTIC family stories. Yesterday, she talked about her grandmother, who was forced to go live with a cousin when his wife died, to take care of him and his children, and then pretty much forced to marry him (and he was MUCH older). Before you tut tut other countries with different religions for their attitudes re: women, remember that it was just as bad here not too long ago!

* * *

Decided to spot clean Mamaw's carpet. While I was down scrubbing at stains, she said, "Look at you, down there on your knees. If you're gonna be down there on your knees, you might as well pray." This was followed by a song she made up right then and there about praying while cleaning carpets. I apologize for not remembering the lyrics.

* * *
Took Mamaw out for Chinese Food after a funeral. Her fortune cookie said, "Someone is interested in you." She was absolutely delighted to know this. I said, "There's a man standing over there by the register. He might be the one interested in you." She said, "Well, it could be. But if he spent any time with me and had to fuss with me, he might not be interested in me any more." The guy just shook his head and laughed.

* * *
This morning's singalong was "Life Is like A Mountain Railroad." Mamaw can harmonize to anything. We also tried "Your Cheaten' Heart." Being a good Christian girl from Spottsville, Kentucky, she only knew the chorus and the melody. OF COURSE she does NOT know the words. Only Honky Tonk girl in this apartment is ME.

* * *
Me: "Mamaw, I'm going to take a shower now. Will you be okay?"
Mamaw: "Yes, sweetie, I'll be fine."
Me: "Don't you have a party while I'm taking a shower."
Mamaw: "What?! But I wanted to have my boyfriend over!"

* * *
Saturday, as I drove past the municipal golf course.
Me: "Mamaw, there are people playing golf today! Even in this cold weather!"
Mamaw (in super pitiful voice): "Poor little ball, just gettin' smacked around ever' where. Didn't do nothin' to nobody. Gettin' lost in the weeds. Gettin' left out in the cold." (Laughs)

* * *
And last, but not least: I recorded her singing and uploaded it here. These are all really short - each less than four minutes:

• Coming 'Round the Mountain
• When I grow too old to dream (followed by me asking her questions about her life in Beals and Reed, Kentucky).
• Farther Along (Duet with me - excellent harmonizing by Mamaw)
• Life is Like a Mountain Railroad (Duet with me - she kept forgetting the words, but she knew the tune!)

Really wished I had gotten her singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and "This land is your land" and "You are my sunshine" as well.