The Star Wars

Here I am with one of my best friends from high school back in Kentucky at Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Friday night in Portland, Oregon. It's just a fluke that we've ended up living so near each other after all these years. It's been wonderful to see every Star Wars movie released in the last four years with him and his family.

I was 12 when I saw the first Star Wars movie. I'm going to be 54 next month. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the original trilogy of Star Wars saved my life, got me through a horrific period of my life, and fueled my soul to pursue all sorts of dreams. It sat inside me and I retreated to it whenever things got too bad, too horrible. It kept me away from all sorts of bad influences that a lot of people around me got caught up in - boredom and discouragement are at the heart of so many bad choices by kids, and because of Star Wars and all it inspired, I was kept away from boredom and I could navigate discouragement. I will forever be grateful to anyone and everyone who made these movies.

I don't think there will ever be something cinematically like Star Wars again, something that makes millions of people collectively gasp and delight and repeat its dialogue over and over and over, that years later parents later lovingly introduce to their children and they enjoy it together, that's characters feel like our family - at least the family we wanted.

Since everyone else is doing this on Twitter, I'm going to do it too, on Twitter and here: Star Wars theatrical releases ranked on how I feel about them, from most-loved to absolutely loathe:

LOVE SO SO MUCH:
A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back (tied for most awesome)
The Force Awakens and Rogue One (tied)

LIKE:
The Rise of Skywalker
Return of the Jedi and Solo
The Last Jedi (actually, while it had its moments, more meh)

CRAP:
The Phantom Menace 
Revenge of the Sith and Attack of the Clones (tied for crappiest)

I can't believe I didn't review Rogue One! I loved it so much! But I didn't...

And now, here there be spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker. Please don't read anymore if you haven't seen the latest film. Go to the movie fresh and unbiased, make up your OWN mind.

What did I think of The Rise of Skywalker? Honestly, I'm mostly just SO glad it got made. When Carrie Fisher died, I thought it might not get made at all, or would have to be re-written so drastically that it could never be any good. Come on, you all know how it was SUPPOSED to end: with Leia Organa redeeming her son, Ben Solo - bringing him back from the Dark Side. Everything was pointing to that. And the scenes between Leia and Kylo/Ben would have been glorious and heart-wrenching. And I would have been a puddle on the ground in the theater as a result. I pretty much was a puddle when Han showed up in this film- both because I was thrilled to see him and because I knew it was supposed to be Leia.

With that huge challenge of Carrie Fisher gone, I think the filmmakers did a good job of ending not only this trilogy, but the entire Skywalker saga. It's not a great film, but it's satisfying, and better than The Last Jedi (and it really needed to be better than that). I really liked the clever banter between characters - that was SO needed and so missing in The Last Jedi and entirely from the prequels. Snappy dialogue is an essential part of what makes the best of this series the best - if a Star Wars movie is not quotable, it had FAILED. I want to love the characters, and I can't do that unless they say things that establish chemistry between them and make me want to fall in love with them. I do love the new good-guy three and their interactions with each other: Rey, Poe and Finn. I thought Ben/Kylo was a terrific character and the exploration of the dark side via his journey was very well executed in all three of these last films - it's an exploration that flopped miserably in the prequels.

It must have felt like an overwhelming challenge to take Leia's scenes and dialogue unused in the other films and create entire scenes around them to make her appear to be there and a part of the story in The Rise of Skywalker. While I think the CGI was obvious, it was done with such love and care, I didn't mind. Carrie Fisher deserved to be in this film.

My favorite part of the film? THE MUSIC. Bringing back the music from A New Hope, Empire and Return of the Jedi was brilliant and perfect and conveyed hugely important plot points. Absolutely brilliant.

Only a few things were displeasing to me, if anyone cares:

• Rose. She was barely in this. She was really the only person I was intrigued by in The Last Jedi, except for Rey, Kylo, Luke and Leia, and I wanted to see her a part of the core group - or at least play a super key role. She was an afterthought in this. That's shameful.
• The kiss between Rey and Kylo. What. The. Hell?!? Unnecessary. Distracting. Weird. And please note: I am staunchly pro-kissing.
• C3P0's dialogue. Just like in Return of the Jedi, he says things that he should NEVER say. 
• The Sith. If you have only watched the theatrical releases, you don't know who they are, where they came from nor what they do. 
• All those Final Order ships. Who in the hell built all those? Are we really so jaded that one damn big star destroyer no longer impresses us?
• Destroying planets willy nilly. It was my only criticism of The Force Awakens as well - Empires don't destroy resources like that. Leaders, yes, certain groups of people, sure, but not minerals, fuel, irreplaceable labor, places to station their troops, places to build vacation homes, etc. The big thread in Star Wars movies cannot always be lots of planet destruction. 
• The new droid. I mean, whatever. The first characters seen in the original Star Wars were R2D2 and C3P0. They were essential characters in the first two movies. I'm sorry that they became so superfluous to the stories. 

But, again, overall, I found this last movie satisfying. And, in fact, I'm planning on seeing it again.

I hear that the Skywalker saga is over, but other Star Wars movies, that don't continue this particular story, will be produced. Further adventures of Poe, Finn and Rey? Please only do that if it will be AWESOME. I hear there will be a prequel to Rogue One with Cassian Andor and I am ABSOLUTELY READY FOR IT.

I don't know if I'll watch in The Mandalorian - quite honestly, I don't have the money to invest in all these pay channels. I also never watched the Clone Wars TV show, though I heard great things about it - I think I'm just too bitter about the prequels crap to try to care about that period of the Star Wars universe.

For me, Star Wars, the real Star Wars is... well, it's over.

I'll end with this - and I made myself cry while I wrote it:

We - humans - need adventure stories. We need stories of people seeking some important thing and the battle between good and evil and the good guys ultimately being stronger and more clever and winning, we need stories of a few brave, inspirational fighters somehow winning, we need stories of someone weaker outwitting someone more powerful, and we need to see romantic, victorious battles - but we need more than even all that. At least I do. But we also need stories about the possibility of redemption of bad people. We need to see very imperfect people work to be a part of the fight for what's right, and stumble along the way as they try to do what's right, and sometimes be not-so-good guys and have to come back from that. We need stories of different people answering the call and working together to fight against evil - only succeeding, ultimately, because they all come together and keep fighting despite their flaws. We need to see that the sacrifice of home, families, comfort and lives isn't, ultimately, in vain. That's what hope really is. And that's what Star Wars, in the end, gives us. At least, it's what it's given me. I honestly never realized any of this until the end of The Rise of Skywalker. I never realized what really, truly made it different - not better, just different - than Star Trek or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter (I love those too, BTW).

May the Force Be With You.

Discovering Kipling

While he was in the US Air Force back in the late 1950s, my dad bought a set of books published by Blacks Reader Service Company. You've seen them for sale at garage sales: more than 20 books, usually with red covers, and each volume is by a dead white guy whose works are now in the public domain. Shakespeare. Ibsen. Longfellow. Poe. He bought them for $10 from another Air Force guy. He never read any of them. He just thought it was a good deal and that maybe he would have kids someday that wanted to read them.

I. Am. That. Kid.

Well, I'm almost 54, not really a kid... but I loaded up these books when I moved out of the house decades ago and have schlepped them all over the US every time I've moved. But I had read only the Shakespeare volume before I was 30, until Buster used it as a chew toy. I didn't take the set to Germany. But once I got back to the USA 10 years ago, I pulled them out of storage and I've read various ones over the years since. Stefan has too: when he found out one of his favorite writers, Jules Verne, was influenced by The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket by Edgar Allen Poe, he wanted to read it and, ta da, there it was in the Poe volume in my set.

Since about 2002, I have tried to read at least a few books a year that are so well-known, have been made into movies so many times or are referenced so frequently, that no one reads them anymore, because we all think we know them, that they hold no interesting or unique insights, that they are just like pop culture has told us they are. Often, they are books that aren't considered great literature, but, wow, some of them have been FANTASTIC. Like Tarzan.

The other day, The Man Who Would Be King was on TCM. I freakin' love that movie. Sean Connery and Michael Caine are AMAZING together. There should have been a prequel! I am so ready to write Danny and Peachy prequel fanfiction... and I wondered, do I have this story in my Blacks Reader Service Kipling volume? Welp, yes, there it was. So, I read it. And it was terrific. And I kept reading other stories. And... yeah, I've really enjoyed Kipling, more than I ever dreamed. Departmental Ditties and Other Verses is, at times, hysterically funny. I'm a veteran of administration in foreign lands, including Afghanistan, and when it comes to silly bureaucracy, not much has changed since Kipling's time. That he can make me laugh about paperwork 100 years later is a testament to his incredible wit. His ghost stories are chilling. The Finest Story in the World is so incredibly imaginative - took turns I was not at all expecting. For any story, the descriptions of scenes, even just going down a road or sitting in a room, are so rich - you see the surroundings, you hear them, you smell them. His understanding of the complicated nature of boredom, or jealousy, is expressed so beautifully in his writing - often making me uncomfortable in how close-to-home it hits. And the sweeping, adventurous, reckless nature of some of his characters... I admit it, I've missed those lately. No wonder I'm so happy about a new Star Wars movie coming out...

There's not much quotable, though I did love this, from My Own True Ghost Story:

It was just the sort of dinner and evening to make a man think of every single one of his past sins, and of all the others that he intended to commit if he lived.

Sleep, for several hundred reasons, was not easy. The lap in the bathroom threw the most absurd shadows into the room, and the wind was beginning to talk nonsense. 

Indeed, Kipling was a racist, expressed mostly through his colonialists views, but I'm surprised no one ever mentions the far, far more common sexism - he did not at all think much of women. Neither did most men of this time (and now?). Why are we outraged about racism from authors 100 years ago but we gloss over the sexism as, "Oh, well, you know, that's how it was then."? Why is sexism interpreted as less painful than racism? And he glorifies war and patriotism, two things that just aren't my thing at all. But it is fascinating to read such devotion to such.

I'm one of those people that can cringe at this, and more, and, usually, still acknowledge the greatness of a work. Like enjoying the Ride of the Valkyrie while also knowing (and hating) Wagner's racism and that Hitler dug both the music and the artist's political views. Like hating war but adoring the movie The Dirty Dozen.

So, for all of you horrified I'm delighting in a dead white male writer... don't worry, I'll go back to more diverse voices soon, I promise.

My favorite Kipling piece that I've read so far? "My Rival," one of his only stories - a poem, in fact - devoted entirely to women and that isn't painfully sexist. It is so delightful, I've read it probably half a dozen times already. I may memorize it.

My Rival

I GO to concert, party, ball—
What profit is in these?
I sit alone against the wall
And strive to look at ease.
The incense that is mine by right     
They burn before Her shrine;
And that’s because I’m seventeen
And she is forty-nine.

I cannot check my girlish blush,
My colour comes and goes.       
I redden to my finger-tips,
And sometimes to my nose.
But She is white where white should be,
And red where red should shine.
The blush that flies at seventeen       
Is fixed at forty-nine.

I wish I had her constant cheek:
I wish that I could sing
All sorts of funny little songs,
Not quite the proper thing.       
I’m very gauche and very shy,
Her jokes aren’t in my line;
And, worst of all, I’m seventeen
While She is forty-nine.

The young men come, the young men go,       
Each pink and white and neat,
She’s older than their mothers, but
They grovel at Her feet.
They walk beside Her ’rickshaw-wheels—
None ever walk by mine;       
And that’s because I’m seventeen
And She is forty-nine.

She rides with half a dozen men
(She calls them “boys” and “mashes”),
I trot along the Mall alone;       
My prettiest frocks and sashes
Don’t help to fill my programme-card,
And vainly I repine
From ten to two A.M. Ah me!
Would I were forty-nine.       


She calls me “darling,” “pet,” and “dear,”
And “sweet retiring maid.”
I’m always at the back, I know—
She puts me in the shade.
She introduces me to men—       
“Cast” lovers, I opine;
For sixty takes to seventeen,
Nineteen to forty-nine.

But even She must older grow
And end Her dancing days,       
She can’t go on for ever so
At concerts, balls, and plays.
One ray of priceless hope I see
Before my footsteps shine;
Just think, that She’ll be eighty-one       
When I am forty-nine!

My endorsement for the Democratic nomination

I wish that, in the USA, we had just four primary voting days, and the first one started on February 1, and the four primaries were all over by the end of May. And then I wish the Presidential campaign between the parties went from just June 1 to election day in November. Wouldn't that be nice?

But that's not how it is, and with more than 300 days until the November 2020 election, without even one primary happening yet, the race for the Presidency is already well underway, some of candidates I really liked have dropped out, and if you don't express your opinion NOW, if you don't donate to your candidate(s) NOW, that candidate, or those candidates, may not even be around for the first primary.

I want to make it clear that I am very likely going to vote for whomever the Democrats nominate. I hate to say that, because I know it empowers center-right candidates. But without ranked voting - something we should have in both primaries and the Presidential election - we are very likely going to end up with a candidate I feel tepid about. Yes, I want my precious, powerful vote to go for someone I believe will not just be able to be competent - I want to vote for someone who will be a GREAT President, who will be the President I think our country so desperately needs now. 

But almost any of the candidates will be better than the horror show currently in the White House, and I don't have the privilege to not vote at all. I am still furious with every person who voted for President Obama and then didn't vote at all in 2016 - YOU are why this current Presidency has happened, more than anything else, more than votes for third party candidates, more than write-ins. And I will be furious at any person who does not vote at all in 2020.

For all my complaints about Hillary Clinton - her coziness with Goldman Sachs, her many fundraising events only for huge donors and closed to all media, her oh-so-late support for things like marriage equality, her praise of Nancy Reagan's AIDS work (I still can't believe she did that), and on and on - I voted for her. And she deserves an extraordinary amount of praise for winning the majority votes of the American people, and if we were a real democracy, she would President now, per getting a majority of votes - and it would be well-earned. I do not regret any of my criticisms, but I do regret not being clear that I was voting for her and that I felt, absolutely, she was probably the most qualified candidate to ever run for office.

(And my jaw drops every time one of my friends that was SO passionate about Hillary Clinton and so angry at my criticisms are now using some of those same criticisms against various Presidential candidates they don't like.)

Okay, with all that said, who am I supporting in the 2020 Democratic Primary? Elizabeth Warren.

I listened to all of the candidates - and I will continue to - and I read and read and read - and will continue to do so. She wasn't a lock from the get-go - I was staunchly, firmly undecided for most of the summer, and even when I started to lean, I had a top three, not just one. But the more I read, the more clear it has become: Elizabeth Warren has the best combination of experience and ideas and heart. Yes, heart - we need heart. We absolutely will be a better country with Elizabeth Warren as President. She is the capable, knowledgeable, visionary, experienced, compassionate leader the USA needs right now. And she's even changed my mind on a lot of things - like the US involvement in Afghanistan. The bombshell Washington Post article yesterday pretty much-confirmed everything she's said all along. I also believe she will evolve - I believe she listens, and facts sway her. We need someone in the office who will listen and who will be willing to say, "I made a mistake - and here's how I'm going to address that."

What about the other candidates? Here they are, in order of my preference:

If he's nominated, I will vote for Julián Castro. I think his track record, including as former U.S. secretary of housing and urban development and as mayor of a big USA city, San Antonio, plus his policy positions, make him an outstanding candidate. He would be my number one candidate were it not for Elizabeth Warren. I think he brings that perfect balance of understanding a range of American experiences and understanding foreign policy. I not only think he's well-qualified and has the right policies - I also would love to see a person of Latino heritage in the top office of our nation.

If she's nominated, I will vote for Amy Klobuchar. I wish she was more to the left, I disagree with her on a lot of policies, but she's capable, she's knowledgable, she's highly-experienced, and I think that, ultimately, we're on the same side. She would make me both proud and comfortable as President - even when I disagreed with her. And I fully admit it: I want a woman President, and that gives her an edge over others.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Cory Booker. I find his approach to public schools utterly distasteful and I worry that, like others, he'll cater more to people on the center-right than people like me. But I also think he might really surprise me as President - in a good way. I would be proud to see him representing the USA, domestically and abroad. He's qualified for the office and I think he would work hard to repair the damage the current President has done, both domestically and abroad. He would make me both proud and comfortable as President - even when I disagreed with him.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Joe Biden. I prefer most of the other candidates to him. Like Hillary Clinton, he's WAY too cozy with billionaires and won't do anything regarding pushing for drastically-increased taxation against billionaires. He does not at all comprehend at how much people in this country are struggling to get health care access - he just wants to cater to people who want to "keep" their doctors and offers no real solutions for others. I feel that his mindset about how to behave with women is out-of-step with modern times (but he hasn't bragged about sexual assault, the way the current President has, nor has he paid any porn stars, so, that's a plus). But, yeah, I'll vote for him - he's perfectly qualified, his support and guidance for President Obama was sincere and valuable, and his qualifications are almost overwhelming.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Bernie Sanders. I know it's a shock that he's not higher, given how I preferred him over Hillary Clinton in 2014. I stand by that 2016 support and believe people like me, in supporting Sanders, pulled Clinton to he left - something that gave her the majority of votes in the end. My problem with Bernie is his hires: staff members with very questionable past behavior online, the allegations of sexual harassment that didn't get taken as seriously as it should, etc. Plus, he needs to be so much stronger in speaking out about people - mostly men - who harass people - mostly women - online in his name. And his support for Tulsi Gabbard is really disturbing. But I also think he could do what is required as President, that he has the qualifications, and I still really like his policy ideas.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Pete Buttigieg. His lack of experience really worries me, his Hillary-like missteps, like when he smugly refused to say if he would allow the press into his fundraising events, his slights against policies like universal health care coverage as being to radical - it's all very, very troubling. I think he really, really needs to mature as a leader, not just as a candidate. I think in eight years, with some service at the state or national level, he'll be a much better candidate or leader, and I might even feel way, way more strongly about him then.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Andrew Yang. His profound lack of experience in any government office is deeply disturbing - and we see the consequences of that in the current President, among other things. Like Pete, in eight years, with some service at the state or national level, he'll be a much better candidate or leader, and I might even feel more strongly about him then.

If he's nominated, I will vote for Michael Bloomberg. Like Biden, he also won't do anything regarding pushing for drastically-increased taxation against billionaires. He also does not at all comprehend at how much people in this country are struggling to get health care access. I think he'll spend most of his time catering to people who are center-right, ignoring issues that are affecting poverty and the environment in this country. I think he'll say anything to get elected - and then do anything to please the wealthiest people in this country (people like himself). Big business is going to LOVE this guy. Anyone who criticized Kamala Harris for her background in law enforcement needs to be SCREAMING about this guy. But I do believe he can do the job as President.

I will not vote for Tulsi Gabbard - she's a Russian asset, just like the current President.

I will not vote for Tom Steyer - his stance on term limits alone (I do NOT support them) is enough to ever make me vote for him - his lack of ever holding an office is also a deal-breaker.

I am not even going to say anti-vaxxer, anti-science person's name.

If I haven't named anyone else, it's because I have no idea who in the hell they are.

And I am going to keep reading the candidates' own words, keep watching them when they speak and keep trying to be informed about their positions and not let anyone make up my mind for me. I remain committed to checking out any criticism I hear or read online, even those criticisms I agree with, before jumping on board with them. I will not post anything that I cannot verify does NOT come from an established organization I know and support (not just one with a name that sorta sounds like something I might have heard of before).

And, no, I'm not going to stop offering commentary. I'm not going to stop speaking out. I've been so beaten down since November 2016, mostly by people who vote Democrat, who aren't affected personally and professionally by what Donald Trump is doing and, therefore, would just like to pretend it's not happening. Or men who really don't want to pay attention to what state legislatures are doing regarding women and children. Or people who control a council or community group and really don't like my questions. I've withdrawn from so much. But I'm not withdrawing from this.

Please register to vote. Please make sure you are registered to vote if you haven't voted since 2016. Please register friends, family and neighbors to vote. Please vote.

Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, despite one of my Thanksgivings being one of the worst days of my life.

I love Thanksgiving because it's simply about being together and being grateful and sharing food. No gifts. Sharing a meal together is such a powerful thing, and a Thanksgiving meal is a great representation of that power. In addition, many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. Deliberate gratitude shifts one’s attention away from toxic emotions, such as resentment and envy

I have had wonderful Thanksgiving meals with friends and wonderful Thanksgiving meals with people I didn't know that well, who took pity on me for being so far from my family. I celebrated Thanksgiving in Germany with American friends, even daring to cook an entire Thanksgiving meal for my French friends (they loved my homemade stuffing). I have spent just one Thanksgiving alone: somehow, I didn't get any invites to a dinner, and too embarrassed to invite myself, I just cooked myself a little meal at home and watched movies all day with my dogs. It actually wasn't half bad...

The bad Thanksgiving day, I think in 1986, featured a lovely Thanksgiving meal and a stress-free gathering I hadn't enjoyed with my family in years. It was one of the last hosted at my paternal grandmother, before she got too old to put it together and, instead, started attending my mother's side of the family's celebration. It was the only family Thanksgiving dinner I ever went to that my father didn't come to at all.

He had said he wasn't coming, and I was glad: no drunk, sullen Dad, sitting there, listening to everyone talking, convincing himself that every comment was meant somehow to insult him, that every gesture by my grandmother was somehow her making fun of him. What he saw at family gatherings and what the reality was could not have been farther apart. Not having him at Thanksgiving that year took enormous pressure off the event. I felt like we were all laughing a bit more, we were all more at ease, we knew the 500-pound gorilla was not going to be sitting in the room, waiting to explode later at my Mom's. He was living in his own apartment, and I had no plans to see him at all while I was at my Mom's - I was done with ugly drunken encounters, encounters that were getting more and more menacing.

After the meal, sitting in my Mom's living room, intending to spend the rest of the weekend with her before I returned to college, I commented, "I'm sorry to say this, Mom, but this really has been the best Thanksgiving I've had in a very long time." She agreed. We went back to watching our movie.

Then the phone started ringing.

When she would answer, there was silence. It was Dad. He wouldn't speak at all. He did this a lot with her. She would sit there for a while, then say, "I'm going to hang up now." A few minutes later, the phone would ring again, and she'd answer again, and just sit there, and after a while, hang up.

Then the phone stopped ringing.

Then came the banging at the door.

A lunge at me, me running, my Mom getting pummeled, my frantic phone call to the police, and the police arriving, talking to him more than us, and then allowing him to drive back to his apartment - obviously drunk. No arrest. My Mom and I packed up my things and jumped in her car and drove to Owensboro, where we stayed in a hotel and she put ice on her swelling face. She drove me on to university the next morning and returned to her home. I called to check on her, but she refused to talk about what happened that night. This incident hasn't really been discussed since.

A year later, Dad got sober. About a decade later, Dad killed himself. He ever dealt with his profound anger and paranoia. To his dying day, he still thought every comment was meant somehow to insult him, that every gesture somehow made fun of him or referred to some weakness he felt he had. It was only in reading his suicide note that I knew just how full of resentment he still was.

I don't know why I didn't let this incident define Thanksgiving for me, why I refused to associate Thanksgiving with such an ugly, dangerous incident of domestic violence. I was determined to keep Thanksgiving something special for me. Staying away from Kentucky for a few years and being in control of my own celebration helped greatly with that. I worked to make sure Thanksgiving quickly again became something I looked forward to every year.

It's 2019, and another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I've had a lovely time.

But I'm also not sure why I have been thinking about this incident so much this year. It's usually just a blip in my brain, one I move on from in a sea of food preparation and eating and time with my husband and memories of far more good Thanksgiving. Since it's come up, since I've been thinking about it, I decided to write about it. I'm writing about it because I want to remind anyone who might read this that you really can make a holiday your own, you can make any day your own, you really are in control of how you think about your past, and you really can celebrate any special event - and every day - anyway YOU want to.

I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving and will have many more to come.

Ancestry drama

Hope you have a happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate such. It's my favorite holiday. I so miss those huge family meals. If you get to experience such, take LOTS of photos and ask your family lots of questions about your past. Bring a written-out family tree on poster board and have people fill it in - and record the stories they tell as they do so.

Ancestry.com redid its DNA testing methods, and then went back and retested all their DNA tests on files. In their first round, I was mostly Scottish and Irish and Scandanavian, plus mixes of lots of other stuff. I was delighted. But in this next round, it says I am 73% English.

Oh, the disappointment. Just English. Nothing special. Colonizers. Oppressors.

The idea of being associated with the people who have been in Ireland and Scotland for the last several hundred years thrilled me. The idea of being as much Greek and Roman as I was English thrilled me. But, wham, better science, and suddenly, I'm just English.

I wrote on Facebook how disappointed I was to be so boring, and an English friend responded:

But what IS English? We’re a complete mixture. Aside from 2000 years of trade with Europe and beyond, mixing with the Celts, we’ve been invaded by Vikings (Scandinavian), Romans (from anywhere in the Empire from North Africa to the Balkans and Germany to Spain) and the Normans (french people of Nordic origin) so actually you’re still desperately exotic, windswept and interesting!!...

Okay, maybe it's not so bad... and the reality is that the people I thought I was descended from in Ireland and Scotland didn't even build all the rock circles there - the people that built those were smaller, darker, and share genetic heritage with the people in Sardinia now - and, sadly, were completely wiped out by the people I thought I was related to.

The more I study ancestry, the more I see that there's no such thing as race, that we are all mutts. All of us. And there is SO much artificial construction in what gets defined as racial groups. And, yes, people have differences in their hair, skin, builds, shape of the face, vulnerability to disease... but not mental, emotional or creative capacities.

In other Ancestry.com news, I had a hard look at a 1880 census that I'd linked to one of my ancestors. And I realized it shows that the names of the two people I've been listing as my great, great grandmother's parents were, in fact, her GRANDparents. Meaning one of those older sisters of hers is, in fact, her mom. Later documents, including her death certificate, call those two people her parents and, yet, looking at the ages and the earliest document, I know it's not true. I know the 1880 census is very likely the truth, given the ages of those involved. I seem to be the only person among family on Ancestry.com that's noticed... other family trees have all gone with the later info. I've wondered if this is why my great-grandmother - who I knew - was oh-so-tight-lipped about her family history: maybe she knew her older "sister" was, in fact, her mom.

Ancestry doesn't make this kind of thing easy to incorporate. I had to delete an entire line of ancestry and start over in order to change a sibling to a parent.

I've also realized that my now great, great, great, great grandmother (there's now an extra "great" in there) is not from Ireland. My Mom told me that once upon a time, and there is someone with that name and around that time on Ancestry, but it's not her. That's something I wish someone had told me early on about doing genealogy: no matter how archaic and unique you think an ancestor's name is, you have to remember that, back in the day, there was very likely at least one person with that same name, living at the same time, and often, very nearby.

But the lines I want to know about most - my paternal grandmother's Dad's family - remain dead ends. I knew my great-grandfather, and I have no idea why, when I started doing genealogy, it was his family was I was so excited to trace. But they were poor and moved around a lot. There's just no documentation on who his people were.

What does it all mean, really? I don't know. I'll be frank: I don't like the idea of people choosing their identity exclusively through their ancestry. I cringe at people making comments that their ancestry somehow makes them more "in tune" with land or water, or specific land or water. Or people imply that they have a "special connection" to some kind of music because of their genetics. The culture you identify with absolutely influences you, and the culture you grew up with definitely conditions you to like, even love, certain things. So does your life experiences, which may be unique to you, different from others brought up in your culture. And as you encounter other cultures, through food, music, books, dance, movies and more, you are going to be further influenced to like, or feel a connection, to something. It's why I love seeing a Japanese American singing Bluegrass. Or a Black American singing Italian opera.

I loved Scotland the moment I crossed its Southern border on the back of Stefan's motorcycle. I dream of moving there. I was thrilled at the idea of being connected to the people that live there now, genetically, and I had hoped to find an ancestor who actually came from a specific town there, and visit that specific town someday. I loved that feeling of being Scottish. And now that I know I might not have any connection at all? I still love Scotland. I still dream of moving there.

My previous blogs on this topic:

Uncle Minnie

Rethinking "indigenous" & DNA results

Ethnic, cultural, gender identity - good luck with your definitions

What is Southern heritage? What is worth celebrating?

My review of The Foxfire 45th Anniversary Book: Singin', Praisin', Raisin'

In 1987, I performed the lead in Foxfire, a play with songs, by Susan Cooper and Hume Cronyn, based on the Foxfire books about Appalachian culture and traditions in North Georgia. I loved being Annie Nations. I adored the young man who played my husband, and still call him "Hector." I remember once in rehearsal when I was supposed to be angry, and my Hector just wasn't giving me anything to work with - the audience would see any reason for me to get angry. So I told him I really, really needed him to get angry or annoyed - something. And he said, "But how can I get angry at those sweet brown eyes..." I'll always love "my" Hector (hi, Andy!).

Foxfire was a natural choice for the theater department at Western Kentucky University, and I was beyond honored to be in the show. It remains one of the most special, wonderful experiences of my life. But I didn't really know the story of Foxfire, not until years later. In case you don't know the story: the Foxfire series began in 1966, when a high school class in Georgia interviewed their relatives and local citizens about their youth and young adult days, their traditions and culture, and how things had changed for them over time. The stories were published in a magazine, and those stories are also expanded and published in books. The content is written as a mixture of how-to information, first-person narratives, oral history and folklore.

I found The Foxfire 45th Anniversary Book: Singin', Praisin', Raisin' last year at the Texas Book Festival and finally got around to reading it this year.

I have mixed feelings about it.

Any project that is working to preserve the voices of elders and their culture from their youth and younger days deserves to be lauded. If you have enjoyed listening to your own grandparents and elderly family members talking about their youth and early adult days, whether they lead a rural, urban or somewhere-in-between life, you know how precious those stories are, and the appeal of the Foxfire stories won't at all be a surprise to you. This particular book is a good representation of what the series generates annually and regularly, and if you aren't familiar with rural white culture beyond stereotypes on TV and in movies, this is a good introduction - it's best to pop on a bluegrass soundtrack to get the full effect. And if you are familiar with this region and love its music and land and food culture - as I do (I'm from Kentucky), you also will love it as it lovingly, reverently talks about such - you may even find, like me, hearing the people in this book telling stories and situations you have heard from your own family members. It also is a great example of what could be done in regions all over the world: young people going out into their own communities and preserving the stories of their elders. If you are looking for a monologue for an audition or other drama performance, this provides outstanding source material.

However, there are some uncomfortable insights that some readers will experience, at least I did: the presence of black Americans in the area is almost completely ignored, not only in the choice of storytellers but in the recorded memories of the storyteller. There ARE black Americans in Appalachia - Google it if you don't believe me. There are no mentions in this book of the ugly sides of historic mountain life, like child marriage or racism. There are also idealizations that just simply aren't true, not only by the storytellers but by the editors, like this from the start of the chapter entitled "Knoxville Girl: Crime Close to Home": "Crimes were rare and murders were virtually unheard of... " That is just patently not true. The overall perpetuation of poverty as "beautiful" in this book makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate what the book honors, but I just so wonder how many stories get left out because they might make local people not look quite so noble and honorable.

It was also disturbing to find out that the founder of the project molested young children, which I did when I did a little online research in writing this review. I'm so glad the project has survived that disturbing association - I hope MercyCorps does as well. But all I could think that's a perfect example of what I mean: bad things happen everywhere, including in Appalachia. No place is paradise, no time is a perfect time. We need to acknowledge the bad with the good.

Sweet home, Chicago...

I love Chicago.

I think the first time I went to Chicago was in the summer of 1987. I could be wrong. But I do know I took a Greyhound bus from Evansville, Indiana to Chicago, and spent my time there with my friend Dennis from high school and my friend Monica from university - both theater geeks like me. Chicago seemed like another planet, bigger than I could comprehend. I saw a terrific dinner theater production of Dream Girls on that trip ("And I am telling you I'm not going...")

I went again a few years later, to see my friend Carmen and ring in a new year. I will always associate the city with her - no one loved it like she did. She told me tales from that city that could have filled a book - I should have written a book just one what she told me.

I went a third time in 2008 or so, flown over from Germany to speak at a conference. On that trip, Stefan got to see more of the city than me, although we did have a meal at an Italian restaurant that was epic in terms of its food and in terms of the clientele - take me out for a drink and I'll tell ya about it... you won't believe it.

So, not counting the many times I've transferred flights in Chicago, this was my fourth trip to the windy city. This time, it was primarily to see a friend I worked with in Kabul, Afghanistan, who I hadn't seen since 2007. But this was the first time I'd been in charge of my own schedule in the city. My goal, other than seeing my friend, was to see the Art Institute because I felt like it was ridiculous that I'm 53 years old and still hadn't been there. Luckily, another friend drove up from Hendo to see me and she also wanted to go.

It. Was. Amazing. I love art museums. I love the permanent exhibits, I love the special exhibits, I love them all. I love the British Museum, I love the Louvre, I love the Prado, I love the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I love the Speed Museum and now I get to love the Art Institute as well.

Here's some important advice: go through the side entrance, not the main entrance: the lines are shorter, including at the coat check. Trust me on this.

We toured the American Art collection, European Painting and Sculpture, the Modern and Contemporary Art and the special Warhol exhibit. That took up almost the entire day - I would have loved to have seen more, but there's a point where you aren't seeing the art anymore, when your brain is full and it's time for a coffee.

The highlight for me? Edward Hopper's Nighthawks. It's one of my favorite images ever. I love the subject, the composition, the themes and interpretation that's on the surface and what you can make up about it. It represents so many things to me... more than I can put into a blog.

I also was thrilled to see The Picture of Dorian Gray by Ivan Albright - I audibly gasped when I saw it, because I wasn't expecting it, and I walked around a corner and, ta da, there it was! I love the movie so much, I love the story so much... did George Sanders look at this painting? Did Angela Lansbury? Sigh...

I loved seeing Paris Street; Rainy Day, by Gustave Caillebotte. I can hear the rain...

All the Degas and Renoir was a thrill - anything by those two of my very favorites.

It was nice to see Grant Wood's American Gothic and Georges Seurat's A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, but they weren't the thrill the others were.

As for the Warhol: most of his stuff doesn't do it for me, and then, WHAM, I will love something. I love the Mao portrait more than I can put into words - what it represents, or, what I think it represents, I love what it mocks... it's just stunning. Same for his The Last Supper, covered in military camouflage. I LOVED Ethel Scull 36 Times: Warhol took socialite Scull to a Times Square photo booth and prompted her to take 300 black and white photographs of herself. Warhol told her jokes so her headshots would be animated. The result is a character study - it's awesome. And I laughed out loud at the Poloroid Hammer & Sickle with Wonder Bread. And I LOVED the Elvis prints, so much that I wish I had looked better, because I would have loved a photo with them (I wasn't looking good that day - not good enough for Elvis).

But I feel like most of what gets exhibited from Warhol are outtakes - and I'm not fond of outtakes for MOST artists. When I watch "scenes deleted" section of a DVD's special features, I rarely think "Oh, they should have included that!" They are experiments, they are tryouts, and they are NOT always brilliant. I think half of this could have been left out of the exhibit and we wouldn't have missed out on anything. I don't think all of his portraits are brilliant - Liza and Mick Jaggar, yes. Truman Capote or Pele? Meh.

I loved all of Chicago, from the friendly folks at my airport hotel to the gritty L trains full of hilarious people and more stories than I can possibly tell on a blog, to the glitter of the night sky. And I loved Volare restaurant so much, I went twice: the food and the service was oh-so-excellent. They fussed over my friend from Afghanistan when I brought her for her first Italian meal ever, and then recognized me two nights later and were THRILLED to see me.

I would love to have stayed at Cambria on Superior Street, where my colleague from Afghanistan got to stay, but it was almost twice as expensive a night as the place I found out by Midway, so... loved the paintings of Chicago's own Bill Murray, Harrison Ford and Michael Jordan in the lobby.

I loved the diversity of Chicago, the different American and foreign accents all around me, the hugeness of the city, the African cab drivers, and the FRIENDLINESS of Chicagoans, whether they were born there or immigrated there. It's glorious.

And a million songs go through my head when I'm in Chicago, everything from Blues Brothers covers to the Chicago song from Victor Victoria. I just so wish I'd visited when Robbie Fulks was doing his infamous weekly shows there - he's moved to Los Angeles now...

Sweet home, Chicago, indeed. I just wish I hadn't left my favorite gloves in one of the cabs I took.

More about my travels.

art and horrible people

I love when humor makes me laugh AND makes me think. I love when comedy makes me aware of a fear or prejudice I didn't know I had. That's probably why I love satire and black humor so much: I laugh and think, geesh, I now have to admit that thing they are doing is something I fear / am bothered by as well. Also, I'm a dark person with a wicked sense of humor that I hope never gets revealed online in all of its glory.

There are times when I think complaints about comedians are ridiculous, usually when I've interpreted a joke as trying to provide biting social commentary and the complainer just hears the surface - as in, just takes the joke literally. Same with a lot of stage productions or movies - people hear or see a clip and get offended, but if they'd seen the entire context, they would have seen that there was an overall commentary being made that, I hope, they would agree with. Think of seeing just the musical number from the original The Producers and thinking, my God, this is horrible and cruel and tasteless! Well, yes. Yes, it is. And you have to see the entire movie to see that the filmmaker, Mel Brooks, totally agrees with that assessment - that's part of the joke.

And there are also times when there is no nuance and you have to say that Louis C.K. is a creepy troll and a sexual predator and he actively worked to ruin the careers of at least a few women and I can't believe anyone would pay to go see him now and I can't believe Janeane Garofalo defends him. Once upon a time, yes, I loved his standup, I admit it. But then his TV show came along and watching just two episodes creeped me out beyond measure, so much that when the revelations came out of what he'd done to women, I wasn't a bit surprised. Yuck.

As my hopefully-still-my-friend, almost-not-creepy comedian Todd Holloman said:

The thing about Louis CK is that before we knew what a fucking creep he was, his comedy was funny because a lot of it was self-deprecating. He wasn't afraid to make himself the butt of his own jokes. Now, he's just another angry old white dude who got called out on his bullshit, so he makes fun of high school shooting survivors and trans people, which isn't edgy or shocking. It's sad and pathetic. It's also lazy AF and nothing that you can't hear at any open mic anywhere in America from some hack comic who wants to be Offensive-On-Purpose instead of funny. Wow! A older white guy is bitching about the younger generation? Hardy fucking har. Never seen that before. So brave!

Sometimes, I can just write an artist off who has had work that I've enjoyed when it turns out they are, at their core, a horrible person - like Louis C.K. The revelation happens and, that's it: no more watching their movies or listening to their music or reading their books. All of my interest evaporates immediately. Poof!

Sometimes I am able to watch someone on TV that I have had an in-person experience with where they have been quite unkind to me, and I can just see them in that work as just an actor or actress or musician in a role, not the person that was a jerk, and I can appreciate their work without reservations. Other times, it's all I can do not to hiss at the screen or speaker.

With some artists and politicians, I struggle because I have such a personal, emotional connection with their book or movie or words or whatever. I don't want any part of their new work, because I don't want them to have any profits per their sexual assaults, their harassment of women, their predatory behavior, their virulent anti-Semitism or Islamaphobia or homophobia or misogyny. But that previous work is so precious to me, it's all wrapped up in my psyche... and I struggle with how to think about it.

I have a friend who gushes about a particular musician, and I sit there quietly while she gushes. I never tell her about an incident involving that person that another friend told me, that my friend saw first hand, and that horrified me so much I can't listen to that person anymore. The incident didn't involve doing anything criminal against someone, so I don't feel obligated to give out a warning in order to protect someone's safety - it involved that person being a horrible person in terms of character. And I just can't let it go when I hear this person's music. But does anyone else need to know what I know? I haven't thought so so far...

I won't be buying any future Alice Walker books, I won't pay to watch any future Kevin Spacey movies. I'm going to avoid whatever Sean Penn decides to be in next. But I'll also still watch reruns of Parks and Recreation, I'll still watch The Usual Suspects or The Color Purple if it comes on and I'm available. I do watch Joan Crawford movies (the early ones, especially). But I'm not sure I'll ever be able to listen to Bill Cosby records again. I never really liked most of Woody Allen's stuff anyway - the creepy alert went off in his movies for me long before the revelations about his daughter and stepdaughter came out.

The biggest struggle for all of us is when the person who, at their core, is a horrible person is also a dear friend or family member. I do get that. Your first reaction is, usually, "Well, he's never been that way to ME." Because you love that person. You look at that person through a lens of love and/or friendship and the respect that comes with that. Every good moment you have had with that person is real and true and is in stark contrast to what you have been told. You don't want to think of this person doing this horrible thing they have been accused of. I get that. I really, really do.

But I guess I've just read and seen so much, and it's made me so much of a cynic that, when someone I love very much was accused of something horrible, my first reaction wasn't, "There is no way he could have done that!" It was, "Did he do it?" It was said through shock and tears. As much as I wanted to stand by that person, I first had to know the truth. I was very happy to learn that, in fact, he didn't do this horrible thing. And I seethe with rage regarding the person who made the false accusation - false accusations DO happen. But that experience hasn't stopped me from listening to what others say and taking accusations seriously - especially when there are multiple people making such.

Can a person make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and become a better person? Yes, I believe they can, but only so long as, at their core, they aren't a lousy human being. But how do you figure that out? I'm still watching, and hoping, regarding Al Franken and Neil deGrasse Tyson, and a couple of other very famous married men who have made some of my friends uncomfortable, friends who have told their story to me but not to any media. These guys have made mistakes. They have made women uncomfortable in a creepy, predatory way. They seem confused that they have made women uncomfortable - yet, when I read the accounts, I think, um, yeah, that would make me uncomfortable. And they are getting dangerously close to denying that anyone should have been uncomfortable by their behavior. I hope all men can really reflect on how these circumstances and think about it - but if you go down the I don't care if it's half a dozen women, I still don't think I did anything wrong road, I'm done with you.

There are musicians in my CD collection who had 14-year-old "girlfriends." There are actors and directors in my DVD collection have said things, on the record, I find utterly distasteful. I still watch and listen to them. Maybe you have purged some of those very same people from your collection and, if so, I respect that. But before you condemn me, I guarantee I could go through your CD collection and your movie collection and point out some things... remember, I'm an annoying history and trivia hound. Oh, like you could ever forget it...

In short, I'm still working on this. Not sure I'll ever figure it out.

Gray Max, a year gone

It was a year ago today that Gray Max the cat walked outside after spending the morning with me, and disappeared forever.

I miss him every day. I miss him when I sit on the couch. I miss him when I work in the garden. I miss him when we're out on the patio.

Lucinda misses him too.

I just hope the end was quick and he didn't suffer long

I'm so grateful that I got to have a cat for about five years - it was part of the marital agreement that my cat-owning days were over. But Gray Max had his own ideas...

My photos of Gray Max.

Forgiving Shelly Winters

I watched way, way too much TV when I was growing up. And one of the shows I watched way too much of was Donahue. Why a pre-teen girl would watch Donahue, who knows... his shows weren't salacious like day-time talk shows today - even Oprah at times went down the ratings-sweeps road that Donahue avoided (I'm still mad about your amplification of the anti-vaccine movement, Oprah...). I just thought the topics were always interesting.

I remember one Donahue episode in particular: his guest was Shelly Winters. Shelly Winters has put in some incredible film performances I admire hugely: in A Place in the Sun, Executive Suite, The Night of the Hunter, The Diary of Anne Frank, Alfie, Lolita, Harper and, of course, The Poseidon Adventure. She generates sympathy for characters that, in real life, annoy me. She forces you to see the humanity and pathos behind people you might dismiss as whiney and socially-awkward and completely not self-aware in the real world.

So there I am, 12 or so, watching Shelly, and she's holding court - truly, she's the Queen and the audience are her subjects. And she's doing what older actors and directors do: complain about movies today. She's ranting on and on and she finishes one of her long-winded complaints with, "What people want is Shakespeare and instead, they get Star Wars." And when she said Star Wars, she flicked her hand dismissively.

I. Was. Pissed. That was it for Shelly Winters. If one of her movies came on, I turned it off. If she came on Johnny Carson, I walked out of the room. How DARE she dismiss a film that had taken all that I loved from Greek and Roman and Arthurian mythology and PUT IT IN SPACE?!? How DARE she dismiss a movie that had Princess Leia, a strong, sassy, smart character that was the LEADER of all the men in the movie? How DARE she dismiss a movie that had been my refuge from a dysfunctional family and a neighborhood full of bullies?

Spoiler alert: I ended up forgiving Shelly Winters.

First of all, it's not like all of Shelly's movies are high art - she was in a freakin' Chuck Norris movie, among others... I'm sure she conveniently forgot that, as most ar-teeeests do, during her rants against movies "today." And secondly, she's like so many people around me right now, running down what's popular in movies or in music while romanticizing movies and music from their day as somehow all SO much better and glorious - a mythology they have created about movies and music when they were younger that I find incredibly amusing.

Now, Martin Scorsese, he of the I'm-going-to-make-yet-ANOTHER-violent-movie-with-Al-Pacino-and/or-Robert De Niro, and Francis Ford Coppola, he of haven't-had-an-acclaimed-film-in-25-years fame, have said they don't like the Marvel movies.

So... I have to confess that I'm not a big fan of either of them, not as much as most other movie lovers. I find the hyper Western toxic masculinity of their movies - and their fans - terribly disturbing at times. And I think some of their films have NOT held up well over time and look really dated and unimaginative and utterly ego-driven now. Still, yes, they have been brilliant filmmakers and have fostered a lot of talent.

Their comments immediately reminded me of Shelly Winters way back when. Part of me wants to dismiss them, even get mad at them: how pathetic to see artists well past their prime lash out at what's popular now. Next up: Get off my lawn! I love the Marvel movies, I love how the filmmakers have brought out both the epic and the vulnerable and the short-comings in supposed "superheroes"  and how they have both paid tribute to the original comic book stories and legends while also making movies that offer some startling parallels to our world right now. I love how complex the stories are and how online debates break out about the moral choices the characters make.

But, honestly, mostly I'm just going to roll my eyes, stay off their lawn, and keep loving what I love. If you don't get it, that's fine - your loss. I think Dirty Dancing is one of the dumbest fucking movies ever made, but if it floats your boat, you just keep right on watchin' every time it's shown on TV... over and over and over...

New address: Parallel Oregon

There's no unique Oregon "culture" or "character" - not that I have found, can see or feel. There's no running, dominant theme through the state's population, other than being hostile to perceived outsiders. There's no "Oregon music," in terms of its own genre, and not even Oregon "cuisine." There's no Oregon style of housing, no Oregon style of gardening, no Oregon style of politics. I can define most of these for Vermont, every state of the South, Texas, Wyoming, California... but not Oregon.

So I have chosen to live in Parallel Oregon. It's a real place - you just have to know about it.

I was going to call it Alt-Oregon, since I listen to Alt-Country. But the Alt-Right highjacked the Alt term to mean something negative. So, Parallel Oregon it is.

Parallel Oregon has a flavor. It has a collective character. It's welcoming. It inspires people to write songs about it, the way they do about other states.

The people here in Parallel Oregon - and there aren't many of us - love that Oregon has so many different ecosystems and landscapes - ocean, mountains, deserts, plains and river valleys. Unlike the Other Oregon, the people of Parallel Oregon get emotional looking at the loveliness of Mount Hood or Crater Laker or Sisters or the Steens Mountain or the Alvord Desert or the Painted Hills or Tillamook Forest, the way people back East do when they look at the Mississippi or the Red River Valley or whatever, so emotional that they write songs about them that become nationally famous and standards in the American Songbook.

There are historic grange halls throughout Oregon, and here in Parallel Oregon, there are plans to use them at least every month for a community dance. The more remote ones host some kind of camping-related event at least once a month in good weather, like a gathering of motorcycle riders or folk music-makers. They also host some kind of annual celebration for local food - a strawberry festival, a marionberry festival, an elk meat festival... There's at least a few weddings there every year as well. Local people are happy to pay the taxes necessary for the upkeep of their local, historic grange hall.

Here in Parallel Oregon, when we go hiking or bicycling or touring on a motorcycle, and we meet other people doing those things, we greet each other warmly, as fellow residents of Parallel Oregon or just appreciative tourists visiting such. We're happy to see others also enjoying the natural beauty and backroads and bi-ways of this amazing place. We don't care if you've been here a day or all your life - all we care is that you are enjoying and respecting the landscape.

Unlike the Other Oregon, the people of Parallel Oregon understand that we co-exist with bears, cougars, wolves and coyotes, and know that, without those animals, we're a poorer state that would be far less interesting, in addition to being overrun with rats and mice. We know that ranchers lose far, far more animals to disease than predators.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we love bicyclists and pedestrians. We stop at intersections to let pedestrians cross - it's not only the law in other Other Oregon, the one most people live in, it's also the law in Parallel Oregon, but here, we follow that law. We know that roads are meant for EVERYONE, including people on bicycles and in cars, and maybe even pedestrians if there is no other place to walk.

Us folks here in Parallel Oregon, we're sad that Oregon doesn't have its own musical traditions like Kentucky or Texas or St. Louis or Bakersfield or Detroit, but we make up for it by just loving absolutely everything, from blues to country to jazz to hip hop to Ukrainian folk music to Japanese Taiko and absolutely everything in between.

Us folks here in Parallel Oregon, we'rel also sad that Oregon doesn't have its own culinary traditions like any of those places either, so, again, we make up for it by loving absolutely everything. We just hope that someone will start making decent Mexican food here, on the same level of quality as what can easily be found in Austin, Texas or San Francisco.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we know at least a bit of the local history, including the industries that have gone or are dying and how that has affected local people and economies. We often don't want those industries back at full throttle, because of the environmental degradation they caused, but we also appreciate that so much of the infrastructure and quality of life we enjoy was funded by those industries once upon a time, and we honor the people who worked so hard to support their families working in such.

Parallel Oregon is place where people love the diversity of the land and welcome the diversity of the people. It's a place where people see and appreciate the original settlers of this land and the immigrants who came after them and the good things from the past, but also where we fully acknowledge the very negative, horrible things of the past. We don't romanticize the time when everyone in a neighborhood was the same culture and religion and newcomers were unwelcomed - even run out.

In Parallel Oregon, we know that around 80 tribes or bands were living in the area before the establishment of European pioneer settlements, and we know that members of these bands are still here. We know that even before the forced relocation of Japanese-Americans during World War II in Oregon, the state's Alien Property Act of 1923 prohibited Japanese-Americans from owning property in Oregon and that Oregon supported the Chinese Exclusion Act, resulting in a very low percentage of Oregonians of Asian descent, especially in comparison to so many cities in California. The 1910 Oregon Census said that no Mexicans or Latinos lived in Oregon, which probably wasn't true. We know that the population crept up over the years because of agriculture, but during the 1950s, Operation Wetback, a military operation, rounded up a million undocumented Mexicans for deportation throughout the USA, including Oregon. We know that by the beginning of the 1980s, Latinos made up about 2.5 percent of the Oregon population, or 65,000 people, but that number is now easily over half a million. We know that, in 2013, only 2 percent of the Oregon population were black, and that the early white Oregonians were anti-slave - not anti-slavery - and also anti-black people. Oregon laws prohibited "any negro or mulatto to enter into, or reside” in Oregon. Oregon was the only free state admitted to the Union with an exclusion clause in its constitution. Oregon also embraced the Ku Klux Klan: racism, religious bigotry and anti-immigrant sentiments were deeply entrenched in Oregon laws, culture, and social life, so the Klan had fertile ground to grow. In 1922, Klansmen won election to local and county offices throughout Oregon, and some Klansmen won seats in the state legislature, and the Klan helped elect LaGrande Democrat Walter M. Pierce as governor. In 1923, Oregon passed a law prohibiting public school teachers from wearing religious garb, in order to prevent Catholic nuns from being teachers (for more information on this very dark side of Oregon, see the Oregon Encyclopedia).

Here in Parallel Oregon, we find the lack of ethnic diversity in the state is jarring. In 1970, the census put it Oregon's population at 97.2% white. In 2010, the census said it was 83.6%. We welcome that changing much more!

We're intensely curious here in Parallel Oregon. We flock to events celebrating or exploring science - biodiversity, astronomy, public health, whatever. A science-based lecture at the local library results in a full house every time.

We're also intensely into sports here in Parallel Oregon. We love the local high school girls volleyball team and the Portland Timbers and some college or university basketball team in the state with equal passion, and even those who don't follow teams know when any of these teams are, or aren't, in championship games. It is a unifying thing, something that brings communities and even the entire state together.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we say "Good morning" to each other. Or "Good evening" It might not be said with a smile or much enthusiasm, but it IS said, with respect. We open doors for each other. We know our neighbors on sight, and at least nod to each other. We'll help someone on mass transit who is lost or having some problems getting somewhere. We know we live in the company of each other, and even if we don't all like each other, even if we'd rather be alone, we acknowledge the right of each other to be here.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we like when someone under 60 runs for political office. We encourage them. We celebrate them - or, at least, don't put them down merely for daring to try to be a leader. And we don't make fun of people who try to be leaders in community groups - we appreciate that they want to step up and do the work, even if we disagree with some of their views.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we don't shame people for what they choose to eat. If someone eats a frozen pizza, or treats the kids to McDonald's, or cooks a meal entirely out of canned foods, we don't turn up our noses and say passive-aggressive things meant to make that person feel horrible about their food choices. We don't shame people for not recycling to the degree that we might be doing.

Here in Parallel Oregon, we love wide open spaces, but we also understand that the Earth can't sustain every person, even every family, living in a single-family home with a yard. When we see an apartment building being built, we don't get angry: we know that many people prefer to live in such spaces, we know that it's better for the environment when people live in such spaces, and we welcome apartment dwellers as people who will patronize our local businesses - even work for such - and participate in our local community events and processes.

When we see homeless people in Oregon, or people who are facing drug abuse issues, we explore why these people are in these situations and what can be done to change those situations, including changing laws and better-funding for programs meant to help them - we don't say, "Why don't the police move them out of here?" and we don't start a canned-food drive thinking that occasional charity will take care of the issue. We know that temporary shelters, food boxes, free socks and public shower spaces help just for a few hours - they don't address homelessness.

The schools in Parallel Oregon welcome all community members as volunteers and event attendees - not just parents. They don't think it's strange that someone without children wants to volunteer at the school, and they use languages and policies that welcome everyone.

Police and fire departments in Parallel Oregon aren't semi-military institutions.

Gun owners in Parallel Oregon NEVER shoot at a sign, and if they are in the presence of someone that does this, they utterly humiliate the person immediately, even if it's a brother or a best friend, and they berate the person so thoroughly that that person never does it again. Gun owners in Parallel Oregon welcome their guns being as licensed and regulated as cars.

There are efforts in Parallel Oregon to create wilderness hostels along long-distance hike and bike trails. And local nonprofit or government-supported community radio staitons, to ensure local news reaches the largest percentage of the population possible, and to broadcast local sporting events and lectures at the local library - churches can pay a small fee to broadcast their weekly services.

Here in Parallel Oregon, much like the Other Oregon, jeans can be formal wear and untucked shirts are acceptable and flowy hippy dresses are good for anywhere.

And newcomers and visitors are welcomed.

More about my travels

Also: Oregon called & said "No, thanks."

Motorcycle Tour of Northern California & Southwestern Oregon: 11 days, 10 nights, 2095 mile

Motorcycle Tour of Northern California & Southwestern Oregon: 11 days, 10 nights, 2095 miles, September 2019. Includes

• My first stay in a yurt
• Cascade-Siskiyou National Monument
• McArthur Burney Falls State Park
• Salmon River Road between Somes Bar and Cecilville, California
• Shasta-Trinity National Forest
• California state road 36
• Empire Mine State Historic Park and Grass Valley
• Downieville, California
• Janesville, California (they misspelled it!)
• Modoc National Forest
• Bear Camp Coastal Route in Josephine County, Oregon 
• Seeing the Southwestern part of the Oregon Coast
• historic campground stoves
• & my first water crossing!

More about my travels

What I've learned from watching Judge Judy

The same cases come up over and over on Judge Judy. Day after day, month after month, year after year.

Here are 17 things I’ve learned from watching Judge Judy, and if more people knew them, the show might have to go off the air because the number of cases would plummet. And if you are going on Judge Judy, or going before any judge, knowing these things could help you win your case:

1. You may not withhold rent because of lack of plumbing, your stove doesn't work, there are bugs, etc. and think you won't have to pay that money ever. If you live in an apartment, you have to pay rent. If you pay rent for an entire month and move early because of severe issues, you can sue for the return of your rent - though you may not be successful. It's the "steak" rule - if you take one or two bites of the steak and don't like it, you can send it back and won't be asked to pay for it. But if you eat the steak and then complain, tough luck.
   
   
2. Cleaning a house is not the same as paying rent, making a car payment or making a payment on a loan, nor is babysitting for free, cooking, picking up dinner out, fixing a car or doing yard work. Unless you have a written agreement saying that you can do these things and get a break on rent, or not pay rent at all, or in lieu of making a payment, none of this work can be considered as a substitution.
   
   
3. When you lend money to someone who already owes you money from another loan, and then you try to sue them for all those loans, the court may determine that you had no expectation of repayment. If you keep lending someone money and they don't pay you back, it will be very difficult to successfully sue for that money without a written agreement, signed by the borrower, saying he or she will pay you back.
   
   
4. If you are going to loan a big amount of cash for anyone, no matter your relationship with them (girlfriend, boyfriend, daughter, son, parent, grandchild) - for a car, for tuition, for bail, for a motorcycle, for an entire new wardrobe, etc. - get it in writing that it’s a loan and that the lender agrees to pay you back. This written agreement should also say they will pay you back by a certain date or per a certain event happening, like the settlement of a court case or an inheritance, or that they will pay at least a certain amount every month. The agreement should NOT be that they will pay it back whenever they might be able to. Otherwise, if you try to sue for this money, the court may say these loans were gifts, or say that someone agreeing to pay you back “whenever they might be able to” could be 50 years from now or never.
   
   
5. When you make a payment to someone, get a receipt or a copy of your canceled check. Do not rely on a bank statement that has money withdrawn from your account. No documentation of providing a payment? Then as far as the court is concerned, there have been no payments.
   
   
6. You will not successfully sue an ex-boyfriend, an ex-girlfriend, an ex-roommate, etc., nor your child, nor your parent, for the meals, grocery, clothes, furniture, dishwater, appliances or other items you have paid for, even gas for their car, because these are interpreted by the courts as gifts.
   
   
7. Never co-sign a car loan. Never co-sign a car loan. Never co-sign a car loan.
   
   
8. Never loan your credit card to anyone. Never loan your credit card to anyone. Never loan your credit card to anyone.
   
   
9. Saying online anywhere that a business didn't give you what you paid them for or that you are dissatisfied with their product or service is perfectly legal IF that business really didn't give you what you paid for or you were dissatisfied. Using insulting descriptions of a business, like saying they are "crooks" or “stupid”, *may* be considered libel. Stick with the facts - they did this, they did not do this, they said this, they did not call me, etc. - don't express opinions or engage in name-calling.
   
   
10. You may be sued if you get a flatmate or housemate removed from your home, even if it's a family member, via a restraining order rather than eviction. If someone lives in your house, even if they stop paying rent, you can’t just pack them up and move them out - you have to go to court for an eviction notice.
    
    
11. Landlords should take photos of an apartment before any tenants move in. Without that, photos showing damage AFTER someone moves in, even after they move out, are meaningless.
    
    
12. You are an idiot if you don’t have home owner’s insurance or renter’s insurance.
    
    
13. Dates are everything. Know the date the loan was discussed, the date the loan was made, the date a person was arrested, the date a car was purchased, the date you moved in, the date he moved out, the date of the dog attack, whatever.
    
    
14. When you are asked, "Do you work," have a definite answer. If you aren't working, be able to say how you support yourself (where the money comes from to pay for your rent, utilities, food, etc.).
    
    
15. Your dog and anything it does is your responsibility. If your bites someone or another dog and your dog is not on a leash or isn’t in your yard or in your house at the time, no matter the circumstances, it’s your responsibility to pay for any damages, like medical bills. No matter how much the other dog was jumping or yapping, no matter how hysterical the person was being, unless the dog was on your property and the person or dog came onto your property uninvited, you are going to have to pay for damages.
    
    
16. If your dog sticks its head through the neighbor’s fence and your neighbor’s dog bites your dog, your neighbor is NOT responsible - your dog went onto someone else’s property.
    
    
17. Dress for her court the way you would dress for a job interview for a high-paying position in a lawyer's office. Don't dress for a glamor photo session or the beach.

Of course, if people did this stuff, the show would be far less entertaining...

Gen X, struggling for employment? I hear you

This week, a national award for being a fabulous employer was presented to the program where I tried to get a job recently - my first face-to-face, onsite interview in the last decade. Of course, the news about the award was all over my Facebook newsfeed because I follow local politicians and local government offices. Have some salt for that wound, Jayne...

Anyway...

Are you 50 or over, a seasoned professional, struggling to continue in your career - you've been laid off or you quit and moved somewhere or you took a work break, whatever, and now, you just cannot even get an interview, let alone get hired? And months have stretched out into years? I just want you to know: I hear you. I get it.

Are you hesitant to talk about your job frustrations because it makes you a downer to friends, who would much prefer you post feisty political memes or hilarious observations about life to social media, or talk about the weather or what you're watching on Netflix, than talk about this time of incredible frustration and fear and insecurity and loss of identity? I hear you. I get it.

Are people trying to be helpful by sending you advice and thoughts and platitudes that appropriate for a 20 or 30 something, someone just starting out (the best is yet to come! your hard work will pay off! keep dreaming!), but not at all for a seasoned professional with a great deal of expertise and accomplishments? I hear you. I get it.

Are people chastising you for being so tied up in your professional identity and telling you that your job is not you, and you are not your job, thereby negating something you cherish, that you are so proud of? I so hear you. I so get it. 

You Generation X folks in particular, I so get it: you probably have already changed careers at least twice since you started working decades ago - you had to, in order to survive. You know the incredible amount of time and finances it takes to go from one profession to another - been there, done that! At 50 or over, you don't have the time, finances or inclination to do that yet again - to get yet another degree or certificate. You've worked hard, you've excelled, you've grown, you've got a great deal of accomplishments under your belt and YOU ARE NOT DONE. You have more to offer, there's more you want to do, and you may even feel that your best work is in front of you. You are proud of the years of study and work that got you to this level of expertise and you aren't even close to wanting to retire it. You love that career and you are hungry to stay a part of it and you have proven, over and over, that you CAN do this! I hear you. I get it.

I'm not going to tell you Don't give up!, in terms of continuing to try to re-ignite your career. Because, for financial reasons, you might have to give up your career and do something entirely different just to pay the bills. The reality is that your time in that career may, indeed, be over. And it hurts like hell to realize your career, your passion, your cherished identity, is over. I get that more than I can put into words. I so admire former software engineers that now have successful food carts, or former journalists that now work at a bank, people that had to walk away from their careers but also had the talent and interest either for a second, lower-paying career or another job that isn't their passion but will pay the bills. I'm jealous, in fact, of those people. I can build a basic web site and figure out database software in just a few minutes, but I couldn't run a cash register to save my life. If I could be a Waffle House line cook, I would - but there is nothing like a Waffle House around here and I can't cook anything the same way twice, let alone under pressure. I have loved my career, my identity, and it's heart-breaking to give it up. It's easier if you can find the new thing to feed your passion. I'm still working on that myself.

All I can do is tell you what I keep telling myself: keep trying to get back into your career, but also keep looking for something that will pay the bills and won't bore you to tears or make you feel like a failure. And in the course of that, maybe you will find a job that will take you into retirement, one that isn't necessarily your passion or identity but that is something worth getting out of bed for. I pour over indeed.com once every other week, not looking for the jobs that are a part of my career - those jobs are posted elsewhere, where I also look - but for any job that I think I could do, that would be worth the commute and that wouldn't be humiliating (I did the humiliating jobs at 19 and 21 - those two summers were enough for a lifetime, thanks). If you are facing something dire financially, you're going to have to take anything you can get, and if that happens: do your best in that job and do everything you possibly can outside of work to keep up your self-esteem. 

I have watched Julie & Julia more times that I care to admit. The "modern" part is okay, but it's the Julia Child part... I am so envious: after a successful career doing something completely different, she found her new calling as a cooking teacher in her 40s, then found incredible fame in her 50s. I've tried to find inspiration from that, as well as from the story of Agnes De Mille. I have a long list of ideas, more than 50, for businesses, for trips, for projects... and I've tried undertaking a few. But nothing is sticking... but I'll keep trying.

Keep up-to-date on what's happening in your career in the way you would if you had a job if you are still trying to work in that field. Regularly read an online magazine or blog related to your career. Consider writing your own blog on a subject related to your career if you feel that it would help your portfolio in your job search. I'm so active on my blog and my professionally-related social media channels that people have thought I have been employed in the last decade - which is good in that I have seemed successful but maybe bad in that people haven't thought I was available for jobs? I'll never know...

But when you know it's time to do something else, and have something else to do, stop reading those magazines, stop reading those blogs, at least for a while - you don't need to be reminded of what you have given up, not until you can do so and it doesn't hurt.

I'll also say that you need to keep busy: do a daily physical activity, try a sport, take a class, anything. It will help your mental health. It will keep you going more than anything else as you try to get back into your career or a new career, or you transition into just-work-to-pay-bills. I walk 2-3 miles every day. I ride my motorcycle and I garden once or twice a week. I cook actual meals myself for me and Stefan at least three times a week and try out new recipes - I didn't learn to cook until I was about 40, and I'm entirely self-taught (and it SHOWS, believe me). Those activities are sometimes the only thing keeping me going on a day-to-day basis.

If you can afford it, do things you love, like going to concerts or the movies. If you can't afford it, do your best to budget so you can do that thing you love at least sometimes, even just once or twice a year. Sometimes, that $100 concert will give you the emotional and mental health boost you need for the next couple of months, and that still makes it cheaper than therapy.

Support groups for the unemployed help some people - but can also make you feel worse. When they are helpful, they give you an emotional outlet regarding your frustrations at not being employed and bring you in contact with other wonderful people (spoiler alert: they rarely provide job leads). When they aren't helpful, they make you feel worse. If you go to such a group and find that it is NOT making you feel better, STOP GOING.

Therapy is great - if you can afford it and you can find a therapist that really gets what this is like (not all do).

Try to volunteer, but know that volunteering can be a lot like finding a job: it may take a dozen applications before you find an organization that will respond to your application, and most organizations don't make the investment necessary to give volunteers a worthwhile experience - you may get thrown into a task with no training, you may never be given a context for the work you do and the organization may not like your questions (how is this really helping people who are homeless?), and you may never get properly recognized for your work. If you can prepare yourself mentally for these frustrations and not expect a perfect, uplifting experience, you are more likely to find a worthwhile volunteering experience. Just try not to take the lack of communication or support personally - it's them, not you.

I'm not going to say that you should go to a church or temple or mosque. I'm not going to tell you not to. I'll just say that it is not at all helpful to me, but if it is for you, hurrah.

Keep your distance from people that just don't get what you are going through. You shouldn't be around people that aren't going to allow you to be you and aren't going to make you feel comfortable when you sometimes need to talk about your employment frustrations. You shouldn't be around people who are going to chastise you for your negative feelings - you have every right to those feelings. Just do your best not to let frustration consume you. That's hard, I know. Believe me, I know.

If you can afford it (it doesn't pay much), think about applying for a six-to-12 month gig with Peace Corps Response, a shorter-term program by the Peace Corps. Your professional experience might be exactly what is needed somewhere. These openings change frequently, so check often. And if you do get an interview, even if you don't ultimately get the post, you should brag about it!

Do your best not to compare yourself to other people your age who aren't facing these circumstances, who are still in their chosen career or are doing what they love or who have remade themselves for a new role. They don't understand - forgive them for the incredibly inappropriate things they might say. If they bring you down, avoid them, at least for a while. People our age who still have their careers can fall into the belief that luck has nothing to do with their success. Spoiler alert: to a degree, chance always plays some role in success or failure.

Rehearse how to answer the question, "So, what do you do?"

Self-reflect, re-assess your skills and attitudes, always be looking for ways to improve your résumé and LinkedIn profile, but don't go down the hole of believing this is all entirely your fault. Age discrimination is real. I'll say it again: age discrimination is real. Despite people 50 and over being more likely to NOT move to another area and NOT have childcare responsibilities, despite people over 50 being excellent investments, ideas about us not being able to learn or not being energetic or healthy or flexible persist.

So, that's it. That's all I got. That's how I'm surviving these 10+ years of going through this. It may be my plan for the next 15 years, until I retire for real and officially. If you have more advice on how to survive this extremely difficult time, by all means, comment below!

The Privilege of Positivity

From The Privilege of Positivity by John Pavlovitz

If being positive, means to not call out abject racism,
if it means, not to advocate for migrant families in cages,
if it means, to silently ignore human rights atrocities,
if it means, allowing my LGBTQ friends to have their rights eroded,
if it means, to make peace with bigotry in the highest levels of our Government...
if it means, to avoid unpleasant conversations about the things that burden my heart because they make other people uncomfortable—then I guess I won’t be positive today.

Being positive is a privilege.

If you are living a life where you will post nothing but kitten videos and photos of your food on social media to that you don't have to have anything "negative" in your life these days, you are privileged. If you aren't having to worry about coming home to find our spouse gone - deported - or an eviction notice that you know is because your landlord found out you're gay, if you have never had to worry that your son, husband or brother will die in police custody or during a traffic stop, if no creditors are calling you, if you haven't spent hours on the phone and in offices fighting for access to health care, you are privileged.

I am privileged in a million ways. But I'm still thinking about, and talking about, kids in cages. Oh, and yes, those ARE concentration camps - every reference to the Nazi camps BEFORE the world knew they were death camps is "concentration camps." They are referenced in Casablanca and joked about in To Be Or Not To Be - two movies made before the world realized they were so much more than just concentration camps.

Wonder what we're going to realize as time goes on and the truth emerges...

I'm not saying post the kitten videos. I like the kitten videos. But if you get to take a break and "stay positive", at least recognize your privilege.