Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Albi's last day

As of now, the moment I'm writing this, we're keeping the appointment for the vet to come here this evening to the house and put Albi to sleep.

I had a lot of second thoughts yesterday, so much that I was ready to cancel the appointment. She is better: whereas a few days ago she couldn't even lift her head and didn't care if we moved her at all, she not only sits up now on her front paws, like a Sphinx, but she can also now stand up, getting up on her own, and even walk a little. Whereas we were having to give her water out of a syringe a few days ago and she didn't care about food at all - and then when she did, we had to feed her with a spoon as she laid on her side - she can now lean up on her front legs and eat and drink out of bowl set between her paws. She's now completely responsive and aware - mentally normal and comfortable.

Last night, we carried her out to the little space in the yard where she likes to pee and stood her up off of her bed, and pee she did. This morning, we did it again, and she walked a few steps and peed. Though, both times, we had to be there to spot her so she wouldn't fall. This morning, I walked her around the kitchen and dining room.

So, so much for my comment in my last blog that she would never walk again.

But now, she can't be left alone - she could so easily fall and break a leg, even if she wasn't stumbling into things because she's blind. One of her back legs frequently doesn't land properly, with her paw often crumpling underneath the leg at an uncomfortable angle. If she needs to pee and Stefan isn't here, I can't guarantee I can get her outside - maybe she can make the walk, maybe she can't. And if I can't get her out - which I couldn't a couple of hours after he left this morning, she has no choice - she has to pee where she is. And she HATES that - she lets off this high pitched, soft whine for several minutes when she needs to pee because she doesn't want to do it inside - she likes a clean, tidy space. She is not at all at that oh-I'll-just-pee-here-I-don't-care stage. But if I can't get her outside, she has no choice, and she HATES it.

We've looked at harnesses for her back legs, to more easily lift her up and walk her, but we think her back right leg is too far gone for that to be the help with need. And that doesn't take care of our concern that she'll break a leg just stumbling around the house because I'm in another room or outside, let alone away from home.

I know that there's not many people that would fault me for putting her down at this point. But when I lay in the floor with her, and we spoon, and she sighs from loving it so much, or I watch her eat and drink just like normal, I think, couldn't I deal with it, just for a couple more months? If we could carry her bed out in the morning and every four hours throughout the day, she could pee as she needs. And I don't mind changing her bedding, I really don't. And it's not like employers are beating down my door. Couldn't I do this for a little while? Doesn't she deserve that?

She's my baby girl, my first girl. I love her so much.


  1. This is so difficult,and nothing anyone can say will make it any easier.Just know that there are people who understand and sympathize with you.People still look at me like I'm crazy because nearly 11 months after I lost my little one to cancer,I'm still asking what if?Could I have waited a few more days?Another week?I asked him to let me know when it was time,and I think he did.Only you know.She's your child,and I understand how hard this is.I have found that it helps to talk about it with people who get it,who know that our pets are our babies,our family.The ones who don't get it may think I'm nuts,but they are the ones that I pity.I have lost a few fur babies the past few years,but I will always treasure the years of happiness that we had,and forever be grateful for the love they left behind in my heart.They made me a better person.Stay strong,and treasure every moment you have left.

  2. Juana,

    I think and feel that you "know" best when it is time. You did with Buster and he was your boy...our playboy, remember that? He was cool and Albi came along. The elegant Princess...but if you feel it is time...I will be there, right there to cheer you up hermana....I know how difficult and painful this is for you. ALbi has had a great life with you guys...stay with that...All my love and besos