Last month, a man in Utah was arrested for domestic violence. Hours after he was released from jail, he flew a small plane into his house. His wife and son escaped the house after the plane crash, but he died.
The day after the incident, I heard a comment from his daughter: "He’s not this person that’s being portrayed."
It's a jaw-dropping, but typical, comment from family and friends of men who attempt to harm or kill a family member or colleague or even a stranger, and it infuriates me.
This man attempted to kill his wife and, very possibly, wanted to kill his son as well. That's not a media portrayal, it's just the facts: the man drove to an airport, he boarded a plane his company owned, he got clearance for takeoff and he flew that plane into his family's home.
I'm always stunned by family members and friends in denial about a person that commits a violent act. It's a denial that results in comments like what his daughter said. Or comments by a woman that is frequently the target of her husband's physical or mental abuse. You don't know him. He's not always like this. He's more than this. This isn't him.
This IS him. A violent family member can be a very nice, supportive person sometimes, even most of the time. Just like a co-worker may be a fantastic colleague, someone you trust absolutely, and later you find out that person subjected another co-worker to sexual harassment. The good times are, indeed, who they are - but the oh-so-bad times are too.
Sometimes, the news hits too close to home. And this is one of those times. I wonder how many family members are silent as they hear this daughter deny her father's violence, who think, This is exactly who he was. But they will never say so...
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