Pay it forward

Back in the Fall of 2000, when I found out I was moving to Germany, I emailed everyone I knew, asking if anyone knew anything about Bonn or about living in Germany. No one did. I posted to Her Domain, an online community for women in Austin, Texas who worked in tech in some way, asking the same question. One woman wrote back, saying she'd lived in Germany for a while, and she invited me to lunch, where she gave me wonderful advice about living in Deutschland - like knowing that no grocery stores whatsoever are open on Sundays and that it's okay to sit for four hours in a restaurant or café. Another woman wrote me, saying she was German, now living in the USA, and she asked if I knew how to find an apartment. I said no. Long story short, she looked online, found an apartment within walking distance of where I would work, called the landlord, talked to him on the phone, negotiated with him and got me the place reserved for when I would arrive - me and my dogs spent our first night in Germany, in February 2001, in our own bed that we would have for the next several years.

I didn't know either of these women before I posted to the group and asked for help. And here they came, out of the blue, offering me information and assistance that was nothing short of life-changing. I remain eternally grateful for all they did for me.

I have encountered so much of this type of kindness. And that's why I offer so much free advice online and am happy to answer emails from women deploying in humanitarian work to a country where I've worked or lived or a woman learning to ride a motorcycle - because I want to pay it forward. They are always "so sorry" to bother me. The people who actually DO bother me never apologize for it.

I also get a very particular rush helping a woman do something regarding her job or regarding traveling.

I got an email earlier this month from a woman who wrote me because she had interviewed for a six month job in Iraq. She'd never been to a post-conflict zone. She's never been out of the Americas. She wanted advice. I gave her what I think was very realistic advice and a lot of encouragement. Her email I just got talked about her experience in Iraq so far - her wonderful experience. About the wonderful local people, the beauty of the land, the wonderful food... it made my January, truly. It's the kind of email that let's me know that kindness is the right thing to do.

I find it interesting that this blog turned out to be all about women helping women... I meant for it to be about paying it forward, in general. But as I've read this, I've realized it's been women that have helped me the most, and women who have reached out to me the most. Hmmm.....