a change is a comin'

It was going to work like this:

We would start planning, in 2008, to move back to the USA in 2009, and I would start job hunting before we had left Germany. I would probably get a job offer before we moved, because, you know, I'm so fabulous, but, if not, no problem, I would get one soon after we arrived in Louisville, our temporary home, of course, and we would move wherever that job was. And if not, then we'd move to Portland, Oregon. Either way, I would start working in a senior position at some nonprofit or government agency, because I am just SUCH a highly-desired professional, while Stefan took classes and got a feel for the states. Might take a year or two, but he'd find a job, eventually. And we would work and explore the USA, build up a nice nest egg, and after 20 years or so, we'd move back to Germany and I'd stop working, and maybe Stefan would too, because we would have So. Much. Savings.

Well, it didn't work out that way.

I'm so glad that Stefan got hired almost immediately once we moved to Portland and that, because of his job, we got to go to Mexico. And then he got a much better job and that's given us the financial security we need to live day to day, year to year - while I flounder, employment-wise, for more than 10 years. And maybe this is the year I finally accept that.

Yes, since moving back from Germany, I've lived in the USA 10 years - my anniversary for moving back was in April, and we will have lived 10 years in Oregon as of September. It hasn't gone how I had hoped, except for the travel and motorcycle riding - although Stefan is terribly disappointed we haven't traveled more. He remains stunned at just how bad the vacation time is in the USA. Me too.

It would take living here until 2023 to have lived in our house, and Forest Grove, for 10 years, and for a while, I was urgently hoping for that milestone, but I don't think it's going to happen. I think it's very likely we'll be moving back to Germany before then - or, at least, by then.

Even so, I've now lived in this town longer than I've lived anywhere since leaving my hometown in Henderson, Kentucky. Yes, I've lived here longer even than anywhere in California or in Austin, Texas. It doesn't at all feel that way. 

We hope to do a motorcycle trip down through Baja, California, Mexico and back in March 2020. And I hope to finally get to New York City and some parts of New England this year or in 2020 and see people I've been promising to see for the last 10 years. I also hope to do a road trip of my own in Kentucky and Tennessee, either this year or next - sans motorcycle (I'll probably be by myself, in fact). But in 2020, it will probably be time to start thinking about when we'll move back to Germany and how we are going to do that.

If you have put off visiting me in Oregon, time is running out, so you might want to make those plans for a visit before 2022.

There's lots and lots to do before a move back to Germany. First and foremost, Stefan will have to find a job (I won't be able to find one: I don't speak German, I am not German, and it's even harder for a woman my age to find a job in Germany than in the USA). And that could take a couple of years of job hunting once we do decide to start planning. But if there is one thing moving around so much in my life has taught me: you have to start thinking about these things many months, even years, in advance. At least I do. 

Thinking about leaving the USA for 20 years or so this time has made me nostalgic. I've been thinking about what I've loved most about living in the USA again - and I'm working on accepting that it may be for the last time. If I made a list of the things I love here, how long would the list be? Turns out it's 15 things - all things I didn't appreciate fully until I lived elsewhere: 

1. Motorcycle riding. There is no country better for motorcycle riding. There is such a tremendous amount of scenery to take in and fantastic roads to enjoy in the USA, more than any other country. It's so easy to find beautiful places on well-maintained roads without much traffic - and easy to find scenic, well-maintained gravel roads as well. We've made a point of exploring as much as possible in the Pacific Northwest, and even in our 10 years here, there's still so much we will leave without seeing. And so much of what we've seen has been just once - I'd so love to go back and make a second trip to so many places we've experienced. But time has, sadly, run out.
    
2. Camping. Again, there is no country better for it. So much of European camping is tents and cabins right on top of each other, packed in tightly, and not somewhere scenic. It's wonderful that there are so many camping sites in Europe near villages and even in the middle of large cities, which makes touring around surprisingly affordable. But the amount of camping in the USA, the incredibly beautiful places where you can camp, the jaw-dropping sites, the wildlife you see - it's something I love about my country, that I love beyond measure.
    
3. Food. Screw you foodies. Screw you, Europe. The food in the USA is the BEST in the WORLD. Yes, there is amazing food all over the world. But the variety you can find in the USA, the fusion of different cultures - it's AMAZING. I get so tired of Europeans saying they hate the food in the USA - and then it turns out they eat only at McDonald's and Olive Garden when they are here. Some of my husband's friends came to visit from Germany and the only restaurant they liked where we live is one I loathe, one where most of the food is made offsite - nothing is fresh. It's edible but boring - and just a few blocks from a couple of very decent, tiny Mexican restaurants they would never try. In the USA, the variety of pizza, the variety of barbeque, the unique pub food, diner food, the little family restaurants, the endless number of fusion restaurants - it's great stuff and I miss it terribly when I live abroad.
    
4. Being able to easily communicate. I've really enjoyed living abroad in Germany, Afghanistan and Ukraine in years past, but I also can't deny the profound frustration of not being able to easily make a haircut appointment and say what I want done with my hair. Or ask in a shop for something. Or have a conversation with someone anywhere - standing in line for a movie, sitting on the bus, whatever. Or making jokes with grocery store checkout people. Doing all that chitchat is a part of who I am - when I'm abroad, all I can do is smile (or not even that, since many other cultures, including in Germany, think smiling is weird). And finding a doctor, finding a dentist, and communicating with his or her staff... it's a constant struggle.
    
5. Civic engagement. I had intended to get involved in local government and local nonprofits when I came back to the USA, long before I came back to the USA, and I did as soon as I got back to the country, but I ramped up my activities in 2017 and have continued through 2019. It's been inconvenient, frustrating and exhausting - but it's also been very satisfying and taught me a lot about people and communication. There are few countries that make it as easy to get involved in politics or to volunteer with nonprofits as in the USA. I'll really miss it when I move back to Europe, where protests are normal but this type of civic engagement is strange, and NGOs aren't really interested in someone who doesn't speak the local language (and, really, why should they be?).
    
6. TV in English. I have always watched too much TV. Way too much. But I love it. Especially Turner Classic Movies and PBS. And I like watching channels with programming curated by someone. When you watch a channel curated by someone, you end up making all sorts of amazing discoveries. TCM has turned me on to actors, movies and genres I never would have given a chance if the choice had been mine on exactly what to watch, when and where. TCM says, "Take a chance, give this a try." And often, it leads to delight. A few months ago, I watched H Is for Hawk: A New Chapter on Nature on PBS. It came on after the PBS News Hour and I didn't change the channel quick enough. And I got sucked into an amazing story I never intended on watching. It was amazing. That never happens when you live abroad - you are constantly asking your friends for recommendations of what to watch, trying to find illegal downloads online... you miss a lot.
    
7. Concerts and other performances in English. I haven't been to many in these 10 years, certainly not as many as I was hoping once I moved back to the USA, but the ones I've been to have been wonderful. Portland, Oregon is no Austin, Texas, that's for sure, but it's fun to hear music I love on stage, performed live, even just a couple times a year. Europe just isn't into live music like we are here as well - no nice little bluegrass band at brunch and what not. They also want a performer to perform the music EXACTLY like you hear it on the CD.
    
8. Friends. I have really enjoyed seeing long-time friends in-person, however rarely, these last 10 years. And I've loved how easy it is to make friends in the USA. It's very hard to make friends in other countries - even migrants who live here in the USA have told me that. I'm really, really going to miss this.
    
9. Mass cultural experiences. Feeling right at home in the movie theater on the day a new Star Wars movie is released. Or that community-feeling you get when everyone is flocking to the latest Marvel movie. Or some song or band we all seem to love - or want to make fun of. It's a silly little fun thing I didn't realize we did here in the USA until I came back. I've missed it when living abroad. And I'll miss it once we move back.
    
10. Clothes. I know that all clothes are made in Asia, but I greatly prefer American fashions to what's sold in Europe. Europeans love horizontal stripes (ick) and a lot of color - like red pants (ick).
     
11. Books in English. This should be way higher on the list, of course. Again, it's like TV in English: of course, I can order a book in English from most any German bookshop or from Amazon. But it's so nice to stand in front of a bookshelf and pick something. Or a lot of things. I may do a few days in England every year just for this experience.
     
12. Our public lands. Our national parks, national forests, national monuments, Bureau of Land Management lands, state parks, state forests and other public lands - they are the BEST IN THE WORLD because they are everywhere. Yes, other countries have public lands that are just as beautiful - but as many and accessible and as varied and as vast? Nope - not even close. I have relished every moment in public lands in the USA - and Canada, for that matter. It's been glorious. Oh how I'm going to miss it.
     
13. Black Americans and black American culture. I hope I'm not fetishizing this. But Black American culture is different than black culture anywhere else, and for me, it's an essential, fundamental part of my country. And it's quite varied within the USA itself. The food and music and perspectives of black Americans is an important, integral part of my country, an essential part of it, and when I'm abroad, I miss it. There's nothing quite like it - not even in sub-Sahara Africa - which is wonderful in and of itself, of course.
     
14. Kentucky. Living briefly in Louisville and getting to work briefly in Lexington, and getting to drive all the way across the state, made me fall in love with my tribal homeland for the FIRST time. In fact, I even fell in love with a job there and wondered, could I live in Louisville or Lexington? Could I? I had dreamed of riding my motorcycle over the Spottsville bridge, riding up to a family reunion in Audubon Park... But that's not going to happen.
     
15. My stuff. I love looking at my bookshelves, looking at my movie posters, looking at my certificates, looking at my plaques, looking at the things I've curated over the years... They bring me joy. But those can't go with me when I go abroad. It's too much. So, therefore, I know that I'm supposed to get rid of them, since I may never live in the USA again, but I don't think I can. Instead, I'm going to try to reduce everything I want to keep down to what would fit in a 5'x10' storage building - 50 square feet. And hope there is someone out there willing to house that storage unit on their property for 20 years (I'll pay you rent!). Because maybe, when I'm 80, I'll come back to the USA to live out my days, and I can have those things around me at my retirement home. That would make me very happy. That would bring me joy. 

Well, I think that's it. I intend to keep enjoying the aforementioned as much as possible in the years I have left in the USA, which could be three more years, but I don't see it as five more. And the tradeoff for moving back to Germany is universal, affordable health care, easy access to more than a dozen countries and affordable access to more than a dozen more, and taking my dog on mass transit and into restaurants and bars.

I hope friends will come visit once I move back to Europe, but I know circumstances are so different than when I lived there at the start of the century: ya'll are putting kids through college, enjoying grandchildren, and thinking many hours in a plane doesn't sound all that appealing anymore. You've also got your own retirement expenses to think about. So many of you came when I lived there before - you've had your European vacation and may not really want another. I get that. But if you can visit, I'd love to host you. Heck, I'd probably be willing to meet up with you in Amsterdam, Brussels, Madrid, Prague... just keep me posted.