2020 - not my worst year

Science has shown that gratitude, that making a list of things that have gone well, makes a person healthier. Yup: counting your blessings really is a good thing, not some pseudoscience wackadoodle nonsense. 

Good things I experienced in 2020:

• I started off the year at a weight and size that made me feel glorious - I was healthier, it was easier to do everything, from turning over in a sleeping bag to getting on and off my motorcycle to taking off and putting on clothes to bending over to tie my shoes. I looked good too!  
• I got to take Stefan to the Broken Spoke in Austin, Texas at long, long last and we had the magical honky-tonk night I've long dreamed of. It's such a special place to me, and I know it's not much longer for this Earth.  
• I did some of my best work, professionally. At the start of the year in particular, I had challenges thrown at me at breakneck speed and very little support - I was often entirely on my own at my biggest gig of 2020. I just kept pushing along, just kept producing - I discovered boss video editing skills I never knew I had and got to put some of my book's suggestions to test yet again, to see if they were still valid - and they are! I'm very, very proud of what I accomplished this year, work-wise. 
• I got a professional gig that I haven't been able to tell any of you about, because I signed a non-disclosure agreement, but I will be able to someday, and for that gig, I had to make a LOT of videos none of you have ever seen, and the company I did the gig for said that mine were the funniest and most lively of anyone on the project. In short: I got paid to be a dork. 
• I've sold a LOT of books, far, far more than even the year my book was released.
• We rode through Baja, California, Mexico & back on our motorcycles. I don't even know how to summarize what an amazing, soul-quenching adventure it was, so you will have to read the travelogue. But it was, hands down, the highlight of the year. And the last time I socialized with other humans other than Stefan.  
• I got to see Henry for the first time since Williamstown, and meet his family, and it was wonderful (but little did we know it was the last time we would hang out with anyone for 2020). 
• A friend from Portland, one of my best friends from high school, was finally able to visit me in my home. 
• We spent two nights out on Washington County backroads viewing Comet NEOWISE. A lot of times, when you hear there is going to be some kind of celestial event, you see it and think, really, that's it? This was NOT one of those times. 
• Hearing Stefan's reaction to seeing the rings of Saturn for the first time through our Aldi telescope. He's not emotive AT ALL, so hearing him exclaim anything, ever, is an amazing moment. Months later, we got to see Jupiter and Saturn in one viewing through the telescope, something we'll never experience again. Oh, the joy our cheap telescope has brought us this year in particular. 
• Stefan bought a wood-burning pizza oven and we used it over and over and over.
• For 3 months, I got to have a cat, and I enjoyed every second of it. Giving up Zeb broke my heart, but he is so, so happy in his new home, with his girl. 
• I got to find out that this vehicle exists.
• The day we sat on the sidewalk outside, making chalk art.
• Stefan cut my hair twice AND colored my hair, experiences neither of us will ever forget. 
• The results of the November 2020 election. 
• Tim and Fred Williams, twin brothers in Gary, Indiana, listening to various artists for the first time. TwinsthenewTrend have brought me so much joy this year. Some days, they were the ONLY joy. I am proud to help their first time experiencing Dolly Parton and Jolene go viral. 
• Lucinda. Every day. 
• We didn't get the novel coronavirus. 
• My biopsy was negative cancer.
• I grew my own garlic for the first time and had the best year ever for growing my own salad.
• Being a part of Black Lives Matter protests - and seeing protests even in tiny Oregon towns. 
• The Democratic Convention online. I was so skeptical. I was beyond skeptical. I watched it at first thinking I'd turn it off after 10 or so minutes. I watched it all! 
• I got cool new neighbors. 
• My friends came through for me in a major way online - and I don't just mean Eric Idle. You know who you are and what you did... 
• Christmas. It was the nicest one we've had in years. I don't know what made it so special. We didn't do anything different than previous years. Maybe we just appreciated our health and luck more than ever. 

But it was a rough year, that just cannot be ignored or denied. And not only because of people dying, becoming permanently disabled, or otherwise suffering from COVID-19, not only because of beloved businesses closing, not only because of the horrific economic hardship suffered by so many, not only because the performing arts and other live performance of any kind may never recover: 

• I further lost hope in humanity, as I watched people refuse to wear masks, refuse to not travel, refuse to not isolate from friends and family, because they found such inconvenient. I didn't think I could hate people more than I did in November 2016. I was wrong. Seeing people behaving so, so badly, with no regard for their fellow humans, no regard for the institutions of this nation, because they felt bored or inconvenienced or somehow oppressed... going skiing or to the beach when public health officials were BEGGING people not to travel at all, flying for vacations, getting together for parties with "just a few friends..." I'm never going to be over the profound selfishness I have seen during this pandemic, seeing people at their absolute worst. 
• I gained almost all the weight I worked so, so hard to lose in 2018 and 2019. To have felt so, so good when this year started, and to have it all gone now, to have all the health problems that come with being obese come back... it's soul-crushing. I'm ravenously hungry all the time, ever since we got back from Mexico, in a way I never have been in my life.  
• A cherished, long friendship ended, bitterly. And that former friend worked hard to tear me down before I realized what was happening. I prefer walking away to burning something that was once wonderful down completely and THEN walking away. I've learned yet again: when someone in your life spends a lot of time running other people down, be aware that that's exactly what they do to you when you aren't around. She wasn't always this way, and I hope someone helps her recognize the start of dementia, which, unfortunately, makes a lot of people become assholes.  
• I learned yet again the importance of documenting everything in your work - even if it's just to prove something to yourself in moments of self-doubt. And I learned yet again what Sharon Capeling-Alakaja said to me once upon a time is true: "You have to make absolutely certain everyone knows what you are accomplishing in your work, you have got to brag about what you're doing, because if you don't, there are people that will claim you aren't doing anything." 
• I don't think I'll ever go back to Austin. That city has been my spiritual home since the 1990s. My love for that city has run so, so deep. But my reasons for going to Austin are all gone now. Will I ever again love a place like I loved that city, that entire region? I know nothing lasts forever... I'm grateful to have experienced the city when I did, and how I did.  
• I went on what I think is going to be my last job interview ever. It was for a job I really, really wanted - maybe not quite as much as the two jobs last year I talked about so much, but still, a LOT. I was bubbling with ideas for it. As I left the interview, knowing that I never did quite connect with the people in that room, I realized I just can't do this anymore, I can't pour myself into all of the unpaid hours needed to apply for a job and prepare and interview once or twice and not get any payoff. And if I'm too old for that, I guess I'm too old for the jobs as well. 
• The troll. 
• The fires all over Northern California and the Pacific Northwest. This wasn't a faraway disaster, one we would see first hand only when we made a motorcycle trip through a region. This was thick smoke in my neighborhood, day after day, and having to wear one of the three N95 masks we have any time I stepped outside even for just a few moments, and looking at a sky that looked like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie.   
• The collapse of the iconic Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. I cried when I saw the video. What a loss. 
• I have tinnitus. And there's no cure! I realized it in the late summer. I really thought I'd been careful with my hearing in all of those years of going to hear live music - first because the bands I went to see weren't usually very loud (alt-country and bluegrass) and because I wore earplugs if things were even remotely loud... except once (damn you, Texas Tornados at the Austin Music Awards in March 1997). 
• I've never felt the loss of my paternal grandmother as deeply as I did this year. For some families, there's just one person holding it all together, like the sun in a solar system or the flame everyone gathers around, and without that person, the family members drift apart. Their relationship was with that person, not with each other. Mamaw kept me posted about family members moving, marrying, divorcing and dying. She welcomed my phone calls. She made sure we talked once a week. She told me she missed me. She made me feel a part of a family. That's truly gone, I realize that now, for the first time. If you still have that in your life, cherish it.  
• The dread of 2021. I know so many of you feel like all the problems are going to get left back in 2020 and this is a fresh start. I don't. Hospitals have patients out in their parking garages and their staff doesn't have enough PPE. There still isn't mass, regular testing. People are gathering inside each other's homes, restaurants and health clubs are refusing to follow public health guidelines. I am not hopeful to get the vaccine myself before the Fall - that means nine more months of staying at home and being terrified. No, I don't look at January 1 as a fresh start - I believe numbers will sky-rocket through Feburary because of all that people have done since the Fall. 

But even with all that, it wasn't my worst year. Not my second worst year. Not even in the top five of worst years for me. Although, I'm publishing this with about 14 hours to go in 2020.

I really shouldn't end on a downer... so I will end with this:

In all this time of reflection during home quarantine, I've realized that, as of February 2021, it will be 20 years since I moved to Germany and began an adventure that changed my life forever, an amazing adventure that followed a lot of other amazing adventures I thought could never be bested. So, in February 2021, I'm planning on celebrating the 20th anniversary of moving and living abroad by sharing each of my travelblogs 20 years after each happened. To prepare, I've been spending a lot of time re-designing those pages to make them more attractive to read. It's been really nice to revisit that time of my life. I said over and over back then, "I am the luckiest girl alive." Two decades later, with hindsight, I can say, yes, I was.  

So, that's my year in review. Hope the two of you that actually read my blog enjoyed it. 

Miracle of Miracles

The week of Thanksgiving, I watched Fiddler: A Miracle of Miracles, a documentary on Great Performances on PBS. It's about the origins of Fiddler on the Roof, a musical so many of us love beyond measure. 

I am way too emotionally fragile these days, even more so than usual, and I cried through most of it. I mean, CRIED. I had to pause it a few times to weep for a few minutes. 

In this era of chastising people for cultural appropriation and rebuking people from one culture from wearing anything, singing anything or presenting anything from a culture not of their own culture, I was so happy to see the productions of this play in Japan and in Indonesia so celebrated, and the universal themes acknowledged over and over. I loved the comment one of the creators got when it was produced in Japan: a person asked him, "Do American audiences really like this?" He said yes, of course. And the person said, "I'm surprised, because it's so Japanese!" 

I have this fantasy of subtitling the show in Pashto and Dari and showing it annually on TV in Afghanistan. Because the story is SO Afghan to me. 

The documentary talked about how, in the spring of 1969, a group of black and Puerto Rican junior high school students staged Fiddler on the Roof in Brooklyn, as black-Jewish tension swirled around them. The drama teacher directing the production believed that the show would give these kids a more sympathetic understanding of Jews. There were teachers at the school and community members who tried to stop the production, using many of the reasons people try to stop cross-cultural productions of certain shows now. But the show went on, and the students had a very personal, intimate connection with the show, with girls identifying with many of the patriarchal restrictions by male relatives, with children witnessing evictions - or being subjected to them - from homes. 

This from New York Jewish Week, a publication of the Times of Israel:

When someone tried to stop the show by alerting the producers that they didn’t have official permission, the show’s creative team granted special permission and in fact Jerry Bock, Sheldon Harnick and Joseph Stein, along with producer Hal Prince, traveled to Brownsville for opening night, as their own production was flourishing on Broadway. These kids belted out “Tradition” and “If I Were A Rich Man” from their souls... While Jews felt pride at seeing a robust show of Jewish content on Broadway, they were not the only ones to feel the sometimes-painful tug between tradition and modernity, between one generation and the next.

I'm not crying, YOU'RE CRYING!!

I first saw "Fiddler" via the film version on TV. I was a teenaged Kentucky gal, raised mostly Baptist, and not really clear on much regarding the Jewish religion, let alone Eastern European history I loved it, even as my brother walked through the room repeatedly making fun of whatever was on TV at that moment or me for watching it. I saw two amateur productions in Western Kentucky when I was in high school as well, neither of which, I suspect, had any actual Jewish people in them, and with Kentucky accents hard to hide. Both productions were adored by the audiences. Both productions reached people who never would have experienced the show otherwise. I guess there is a growing number of people who just can't understand how Fiddler on the Roof would mean something so dear to people who aren't even that familiar with Jewish culture, and would, in fact, be offended by such a group daring to stage the production. And that makes me incredibly sad. 

Givings people - kids, in particular - the chance to explore different stories and different kinds of theater, music, dance, etc., creates an understanding and empathy that is so needed in the world - it's not just fun, it's transformative. As long as it comes from a place of sincerity and respect, I love seeing people from one culture explore another culture through the performing arts. No, I don't mean black face, a practice where one group makes fun and demeans another through an exaggerated, stereotypical portrayal. But I tend not to lose my mind if, say, someone of Italian and African descent playing a Hispanic person from Chilé (Breaking Bad). Or a guy from Japan playing Kentucky bluegrass music. 

On another note, there was one person in the documentary I have met, have worked with, I thought yet again about how lucky I was to get to work in professional theater for a few years. I miss theater - professional and amateur - so, so much. I miss live, in-person performance so, so much. It hurts my head, it hurts my heart, it hurts my soul. But if they all opened tomorrow, I wouldn't go. Because there's a global pandemic. We've got to get through this so we can get back to live, in-performance, among other things. Please wear a mask. Please don't socialize with people outside of those you live with.  

letter regarding Forest Grove Police Department violations of community trust

sent via email

November 23, 2020

To: the City Council members of Forest Grove, Oregon

In the early morning hours of October 31, 2020, a family living in Forest Grove was terrorized in their home by an off-duty Forest Grove police officer, Steven Teets. Later that day, that same officer returned to the family's home, terrorizing the family again without even having to raise his voice this time - he said he was there to apologize but the family was extremely alarmed by his return, as though he was there to remind them that he knows where they live.

On top of this outrage, the Forest Grove police officer that responded to the family’s emergency call didn’t say that police had anyone in custody, instead asking if the family would be able to recognize the person. And Forest Grove police don’t have body camera video of Teets' police escort home because the Forest Grove police officer who picked him up and gave him a ride home didn't record the encounter.

Violation after violation after violation. Not missteps, not mistakes and not training issues. These were willful violations by more than one Forest Grove police officer that undermine any trust in the police.

The Forest Grove police department has a systemic problem, and these series of incidents are just the ones that have made the news.

Forest Grove had a police chief through 2019 who was trying to reform this department, trying to weed out the chronic people and problems, trying to institute standards of quality and respect, trying to build bridges with a diversity of community members - and in return for her work, she was harassed and the city forced her to resign. Because, just like the police officers on October 31, what was most important was closing ranks, not addressing problems, not doing what was difficult but necessary.

It's going to take more than firing Steven Teets to restore faith in the Forest Grove police department. It's going to take more than a memo or two from anyone, no matter who they are, assuring residents of Forest Grove that there's "concern" or that "action is being taken." It's going to take more than one or two community meetings. The Forest Grove police department must be substantially reimagined and reformed.

The kind of change that's needed comes from bold requirements of the people working in the Forest Grove police department, over months and years, such as:

• Officers must be reminded regularly, through training, through actions by senior leadership and by all communications internal and external, that they are public servants, that they serve this community, and that absolutely anyone living in this community, regardless of the language they speak, regardless of their immigration status, regardless of their ethnicity, regardless of how many years they may have been in Oregon, are MEMBERS of this community that police serve. The steps taken to establish and reinforce this culture must be reported to the public each year. 
• Officers must go through yearly, meaningful, substantial anti-bias training, and this training, including who leads it, how many hours it took and sample materials, must be made available to the public each year.
• There must be a no-tolerance policy for police officers engaging in threats or violence of civilians, including while off-duty.
• All officers who are not already bilingual in English and another language relatively common to this area should be REQUIRED to take classes to learn the basics of a second language. Spanish would be most practical, but Thai, Vietnamese or Arabic would also be acceptable. Results of this training should be reported to the public each year. 
• There must be a ban on any participation by Forest Grove police officers to attend "warrior" trainings, such as those by Dave Grossman, and there must be absolutely no funding whatsoever by the city of Forest Grove for such. There must also be trainings (ongoing, not just one) to undo and refute the principles espoused in these "warrior" trainings.  
• There must be better, more regular training regarding police interactions with people with mental health issues or struggling with homelessness or addiction, and this training must be reported to the public each year.
• There must be a ban on officers fired for misconduct from any police department anywhere or who left a department before they could be fired, from being hired in Forest Grove.
• The police department should release to the public a list of how many complaints were filed against officers in a given year, how many different people filed those complaints, how many officers had complaints against them in that year, and how many of those complaints resulted in disciplinary action against an officer. Even if the details of the complaints are not given to the public, nor the officers are named, citizens have a right to these numbers, and a right to look over these numbers from year to year to decide for themselves if there is a problem that should be addressed.
• Police department policies for social media must go beyond what is standard: officers should be told that, when posting on social media, even on their own time, they must
  -- take personal responsibility for the content they publish.
  -- identify themselves truthfully in any public forum.
  -- always be factual.
  -- never post content that is inconsistent with the values of the police department.
  -- never post content that would undermine the public's trust in the Forest Grove police department.

If this city loses police officers who don't like these standards, so be it: this city will be better off without them. All of this is needed much more than a new police building.

But will any of these reforms happen? I am highly doubtful. I suspect ranks will close, general statements about how "action will be taken" will be made, even defensive statements refuting that there really is a systemic problem will be made.

Actions speak louder than words - we will all be watching those actions by the Forest Grove city council, the city manager, and police officers themselves. 

Update: On Tuesday, November 24, the following was received by me via email:

Jayne,

I have been requested to respond to your email. I want to thank you for expressing your concerns and recommendations. I also want to let you know that I share your concerns. I have spoken the victim in this case, and assured her, as I do you, that the City takes personnel matters very seriously and allegations against any officer will be investigated and they will be held accountable to assure compliance with local, state, and federal policy.

The Washington County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the criminal aspects of the incident. Once the case is resolved, we will proceed with an independent review of the incident. If it violated policy, personnel action will be taken at that time.

To assure objectivity and accountability, we have also requested an outside, independent investigation of the Department’s response to the incident. This will include, but not be limited to, the use of body worn cameras. As with all investigations, our goal is to assure impartiality and objectivity.

As you mention, the integrity of the Forest Grove Police Department is essential to the public trust. Please know that all allegations about the Department’s police officers are reviewed and investigated to assure compliance with local, state, and federal policy and that the officers are held accountable to those policies.

I recognize this is a difficult situation and I ask for your patience to allow the course of both investigations to be completed. These processes will take time. There are labor law guidelines that we must follow that ensure due-process. As this matter progresses, I will keep the community informed.

Your recommendations do resonate with me. Prior to this incident, I had already been working with Pacific University on implementing training in various areas, to include implicit bias training. There also policies in place that cover several of your recommendations/concerns.

Since my arrival, I have placed police policies and our stop data on our web page for public viewing. As we close out the 2020 calendar year, all of our annual reports will also be posted on our web page. This will include use of force and citizen complaints. As a quick review, in 2019 we completed 10 investigations related to complaints involving members of this agency. The complaints were categorized as follows:

Investigations – 4, Performance – 4, Use of Force - 1, Other -1 (lost property). Only one of the complaints were sustained. There were no racial bias complaints. Please note that the Forest Grove Police Department had over twenty thousand Community contacts in 2019.

Again thank you expressing your concerns and sharing the recommendations. Please have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Respectfully,

Henry

Henry Reimann
Chief
Forest Grove Police Department
2102 Pacific Ave
Forest Grove, OR 97116
503-992-3260

Update: Here's my response, sent via email on November 29, 2020

I did not write the interim police chief of Forest Grove. I wrote the city council, the people that I assumed you reported to. That they did not respond, that they have turned this over to the interim police chief to respond, speaks volumes about how they are treating this matter - and not in a good way. What's next - an email from Officer Teets telling me how sorry he is?

The integrity of the Forest Grove Police Department cannot be rebuilt by someone who doesn't believe that there is a problem. Your response implies that the problem is perception, not the current culture, and that policies already in place address my concerns. Therefore, I want a link to each policy for each bullet item I have posted below, that shows there are already policies in place for each of the concerns.

Your response also implies that a workshop or two at Pacific University will take care of any other perception issues. I would like the names of the people at Pacific University that have experience in police reform and evaluation studies on their work at previous police departments that show their expertise and training are effective. Otherwise - it's just a very small step on what should be a much, much longer journey. 

Without someone leading this department who will acknowledge that there is a cultural, systemic problem at the Forest Grove Police Department, and, indeed, in policing across this nation, the problems are not going away. And clearly, from your response, we still don't have that. 

I would prefer to see police officers quitting because they don't like changes implemented by the chief, like a focus on serving citizens and an absolute refutation by the police chief regarding "warrior" training and, instead, a focus on patrolling and interacting with residents, de-escalation and valuing the diversity to this community. I would prefer to see a chief that says, "I'm not here to be popular with the rank and file, I'm here to serve the residents of Forest Grove." 

I've heard over and over that you are very good at making people who are complaining or asking questions to feel better in the moment, but I need a lot more than "I'm concerned too." I need a lot more than "We did some cultural-sensitivity training with a local group." I'm looking beyond "he seems nice." I am looking for real acknowledgment of the seriousness of this systemic problem and real, even painful, changes, that will reform this local police department. I talk over and over to residents who have very bad experiences with police, especially when they call for help with someone, and when I say, "Why don't you write a complaint? I'll help you!" I hear over and over: "It won't matter, and then I'll become a target." I hear this at least once a month. While I appreciate have the ear and trust of so many in this community, a place I did not grow up in, it saddens me that this is how so many in this community feel.   

I say it again: actions speak louder than words. Many of us, not just me, will all be watching those actions by the Forest Grove city council, the city manager, and police officers themselves over the coming months. 

received via email, December 1, 2020

Jayne,

Thank you for the response and feedback. I apologize that my response did not meet your expectations.

Respectfully,

Henry
Henry Reimann
Chief
Forest Grove Police Department
2102 Pacific Ave
Forest Grove, OR 97116
503-992-3260

Miss him.

“I’m not going to the White House Correspondents’ dinner,” he said. “I don’t need to be laughing it up with Henry Kissinger.” He then launched into a tirade about how it sickens him, having travelled in Southeast Asia, to see Kissinger embraced by the power-lunch crowd. “Any journalist who has ever been polite to Henry Kissinger, you know, fuck that person,” he said, his indignation rising. “I’m a big believer in moral gray areas, but, when it comes to that guy, in my view he should not be able to eat at a restaurant in New York.”

I pointed out that Bourdain had made similarly categorical denunciations of many people, only to bury the hatchet and join them for dinner.

“Emeril didn’t bomb Cambodia!” he said.

From a 2017 article in the New Yorker.

I miss Anthony Bourdain. So, so much. 

All the thoughts for all the people

What a roller coaster. 

Tuesday, I went to bed as despondent as I was four years ago, so depressed I couldn't cry. Wondering when, not if, my family would handle deportation orders. Wondering how quickly my friends' marriages would be declared null and void, how quickly friends would be fired for being gay or a different religion or just some other thing that had nothing to do with their job performance. Wondering how I would protect myself from COVID-19. Wondering how we were going to survive, knowing that four more years of this would be far, far worse than the last four years. At a loss for any productive thought. Here's my post to Facebook that night:

I feel as bad as I did in November 2016. Humans are horrible. You are hateful, evil crap. It's time for a meteor to hit this planet - WHAM - so it can start over. As I said after almost getting run off the road by methed-out truckers as I rode the Alaska Highway in British Columbia: FUCK ALL YA'LL.

Wednesday, I woke up to numbers I wasn't expecting. But I should have. Whereas pollster got it wrong AGAIN, the press said this over and over: what the results are at the end of Tuesday night, when in-person voting totals are in, will not be the results when vote-by-mail results are in over the course of the next two or three days. The press repeatedly said that. We didn't listen. 

But even then, I wasn't ready to believe. I had very cautious hope when I went to bed Wednesday night. Thursday, I was just in a holding pattern. Friday, even though no delegate numbers had changed, the voting totals were clear. And I knew it: Trump lost. 

And here we are on Saturday. So. Much. Joy. We walked our dog and I danced for the postman and with three other neighbors during the course of that walk. I don't feel like everything is fine now, but I have hope. I know we'll need to hold the White House through three Presidents to undo all this crap. But I have hope. I know that there is an enormous amount to do now to undo this horror show - knowing that some things can't be undone, like the trauma of children separated from parents, like those who have died or been permanently disabled from COVID-19, like the restaurants, clubs, bars, arts groups and other businesses that have closed for good. Like the people murdered by police. 

Of course, now I'm reading right-wingers and middle-of-the-road Democrats talking about compromise, talking about not celebrating "too much," talking about "forgiveness." 

No.

I'm not at all interested in punishing Republican voters but I AM interested in prosecuting those who broke the law. I want those who have broken the law in this administration to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. It's time for the country to see actions DO have consequences and that, as President, you are NOT "King." If there are no prosecutions, there is no rule of law, period. If there are no prosecutions, this WILL happen again. 

And I want a full-throttle agenda: on health care, on restoring the protections of public lands, on restoring EPA rules, on restoring voting rights, on restoring US State Department funds and programs, on restoring protections for programs like Voice of America and AmeriCorps, on restoring DACA, on establishing a realistic path to legal residency, on addressing the pandemic, on free community college and affordable state universities, and, ALWAYS, on access to abortion. No compromise. None.  

I get it, Republican voters are going to have such a hard time: they are going to get more affordable health care. They are going to have cleaner water. They are going to see billionaires pay a fairer share of taxes and the ballooning federal deficit under Trump get reduced. They are going to have family members who are NOT going to die because of the global pandemic. They are going to have more welcoming markets abroad for the things their employers grow or make. They are still going to get to go to churches that prohibit gay marriage. They will still get to avoid black, Latino and Asian neighborhoods and businesses. They get to still buy and drive gas-guzzling pedestrian-killing trucks. They will still get to quietly take their wives, sisters, daughters and mistresses to clinics for abortion services that they publicly protest about. They still get to discourage their children and grandchildren from going to college. They still get to disparage people who read books, love the arts, study philosophy, speak languages other than English and travel to other countries. They will still get to believe stupid crap like pedophile parties in non-existent pizza restaurant basements. They will still get to go to rallies by Trump if he still wants to have them. And they'll get to keep all the guns they have now and buy even more, at least of certain kinds. 

That last paragraph was dripping with sarcasm, in case you didn't get it. In other words - ya'll Republicans get to benefit from all that is coming AND still be full of hate and bigotry and have guns.  

I wonder when you will understand that nothing changes for a white man if he hears people speaking Spanish in line at WalMart. Nothing. It doesn't make English somehow not matter anymore. There has never been a time in the history of this land we now call the USA when humans weren't speaking a myriad of languages - nothing has changed, not really. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you if woman who is raped has access to abortion services - unless you are that woman. If you are against abortion, you never, ever have to have one, even if terminating a pregnancy would save your life. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you at all if a mosque gets built in your county. You don't ever have to go. If you don't want to hear the call to prayer, push for an ordinance that would prevent such - but know that it will also apply to church bells and drums (I live across the street from a new Pentecostal Church - I DREAM of such an ordinance...). 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you at all if your local grocery store starts selling tamales or hummus. Unless you like tamales or hummus - then you are going to be SO HAPPY. 

I wonder when white people will realize that nothing changes for you if black people get treated by the police and courts the same way white people do. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for straight people, even Christians, if gay people get married. You get to stay married to whomever you are married to. You can be disgusted by anyone's marriage. You are always free to do that. 

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you if a neighbor buys an electric car or commutes by bicycle, that even if that happens, you get to keep driving your big gas-guzzling truck.  

I wonder when you will realize that nothing changes for you whatsoever if people kneel quietly during the national anthem. 

Just so you know: I'm white. I'm middle class. I love Johnny Cash. I love honky tonks. I love Bi-mart and Costco. I love college basketball. I love the Andy Griffith Show. I love The Waltons. I love The Dirty Dozen. I love Judge Judy. I used to watch Live PD - though I tended to yell "Don't answer questions! You have the right to remain silent!" at the TV over and over. I still watch Gone With the Wind. I don't like when things that are bland are called vanilla, because, in fact, vanilla is a rich, delicious flavoring and, also, I don't think I'm bland, I don't think bluegrass is bland, I don't think opera is bland, I don't think anything I love is bland. 

Being a part of the Democratic Party doesn't mean I lose any of the "white people" things I love. Supporting civil rights and Black Lives Matter doesn't mean I lose any of the "white people" things I love. I just think about things VERY differently than I did in my younger days: I am always sad now that there are no black people in Mayberry. I love GWTW while also acknowledging it was written by a racist and represents racism. I will watch Judge Judy reruns until my dying day and also be appalled at how tone-deaf she can be about how hard it is for renters to find new places to live. 

I guess it comes down to this: I just don't get how white people that voted for Trump think they are under siege. The majority of white voters are NOT under economic stress, they are NOT economically disadvantaged, they are going to keep loving what they love, they get to keep their guns, and that's not going to change in their lifetime.

I think you, Trump supporters, are fascists. I really do. I'm not calling you that to hurt your feelings - I'm saying it as a reality. You are fascists. By definition. 

Fascism is a belief in ultra-nationalism (jingoism), fueled by xenophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, chauvinism, and isolationism. Fascists believe in the supremacy of their national or ethnic group over all others. Fascists are usually on the extreme political right. Fascists usually have one favored religion over all others. Fascism is characterized by an insistence on obedience to a powerful leader - a demagogue. Fascists are often elected to office in fully Democratic processes. And fascists can be happy only in the defeat of those that are not fascists - that is their only path to joy. 

Even with this election, the United States is a fascist country. That cannot be disputed. We are full of millions and millions and millions of fascist people. This is who the Republican Party is. This is who at least half the country is. And I've no idea how to make you not fascists. Can you love your country and not be a fascist? Yes - I love my country and I'm not a fascist. You can love your language, love your country, love your religion and love a person in your political party and NOT be a fascist. 

I'm exhausted. I'm tired. But I'm also relieved. I'm going to rest up and regroup so I can be part of the movement to retake a LOT of things we've lost and so we can rebuild a bigger, better "wall" between church and state, between American values and fascism, between misinformation and facts.

Lots to do. Wear a mask while you do it. 

Masks are cowardly?

I was lamenting to a Facebook friend that I know a woman who did not vote for the Cheeto four years ago but I know she is this year: she now rails against masks, customer limits at businesses, etc. "We have to live our lives!!!" My friend responded that "Trump has successfully positioned himself as the 'No Fear' (Conquering Fear) candidate. For those who need or want to show their bravery, he's become a symbol for that." 

He's right. 

I am appalled that wearing a mask has become equated with cowardness and a restriction of "freedom." It's similar to how some people react to me being ATGATT - all the gear all the time - when it comes to riding a motorcycle. The comments about wearing a helmet alone ("riding a motorcycle is all about FREEDUMBS, wearing a helmet is just stoopid!") are annoying AF. You are really going to call *me* cowardly as a motorcycle rider? Are you freakin' kidding me? 

One of the reasons I followed security guidelines in Afghanistan was that I didn't feel like I had the right to put security forces in danger to come rescue my ass if I did something really stupid. It's the same reason I've been in this house since March. Cowardness? No - I CARE.

I get it - having your movements restricted is SO hard. It is. Kabul restrictions just about broke me - those of you who read my updates know that. I wasn't perfect in Kabul either, because my mental health cried out for some attention: on my one day off a week, I sometimes went to a coffee shop that was officially off-limits a few times (it was under the "protection" of one of the most powerful warlords in the country, so I figured I was as safe as anywhere). There was the day I marched back to my guest house instead of taking a car, furious about a workshop I had helped facilitate. There was the day I went to a lake with Afghan colleagues. Those were moments of weakness. I pushed boundaries and, thankfully, didn't pay for it in a negative way, and that's just pure LUCK. 

I'm not perfect now either: I allow people to get too close to me when I walk Lucinda. It's my weakness. It's so great to see people and it feels normal and I have to remind myself: PANDEMIC! PANDEMIC! 

Otherwise, I am one of a shrinking minority that wears a mask if I go inside a restaurant for take out, I still get curbside pickup at the grocery, I don't eat at restaurants, not even out on their patio or whatever, I've stayed away from outdoor festivals (too many people don't wear masks properly), etc. We're trying to design a safe little vacation nearby, one where we could stay away from everyone, but it's SO difficult to reduce risk when people are such assholes (I'm looking at you, California bro in a convertible that walked maskless into a gas station convenience store where I was in line, ready to pay). 

This is hard. So, so hard. But I'm not living in fear - I'm living in care. 

About your "resilient" friends...

First, this:

And then, this: before you say to someone, particularly a woman who usually seems so strong but has confessed she's facing really tough times, "Hey, you got this! I know how strong you are!", keep this possibility in mind:

 

A USA citizen & election observer talks about voting abroad

I have a lot of friends who are USA citizens and live abroad. One of them lives in Eastern Europe, and has for many years. This friend has been an international observer for 18 elections in six countries in the past 13 years. Below, she describes what volunteering for her is like in 2020 and just how messed up the USA process for voting is:

I started my voting process - and yes, it's a process for Americans living abroad. Many people have asked me how an American living abroad can vote. It depends - voting in the U.S. is decentralized to the states and each state has its own rules and procedures. This is often surprising, if not shocking, to non-U.S. citizens. In most countries, even other decentralized ones, voting is usually legislated at the national level to ensure the same rights/opportunities/responsibilities for all citizens. Not in the U.S., friends! In my state, Ohio, because I live abroad, I can now receive my ballot by email (the first 10 years I lived abroad, I could only receive my ballot by postal mail, and I never received it in time at my international address to actually vote).

I LOVE receiving my ballot by email and having the time to read up on all the candidates and issues - national, state, city, county... there are SO many kinds of elections on my ballot! Back in the pre-internet day when I voted in person, I literally had no idea who most of the people on my ballot were. Now I can sit with my ballot and research all the candidates for judges, board of education, State Attorney General, City Council, and all the other myriad of positions we get to elect as Ohio citizens. There were 3 issues on my ballot this time and I was delighted to have the time to research them and I feel like I made informed decisions on each of them.

Despite receiving my ballot by email, I have to return it by postal mail. By the way, a few states let overseas voters both receive and submit their ballots electronically, but many do not (some still only send ballots by postal mail, which essentially disenfranchises many overseas voters when/where the post is slow). For Ohio voters, if you want to vote absentee and you are IN the U.S., you cannot receive your ballot by email, only by postal mail. Along with your ballot, they send you 2 special envelopes to return your ballot in - your ballot goes in one sealed envelope with your name, ID (birth date and last four digits of your Social Security Number or Ohio driver's license number), address, and signature printed on the envelope; and then you put that envelope inside a postage-paid (for mailing inside the U.S. only) envelope addressed to your county Board of Elections. The instructions we overseas voters receive are the same as for absentee voters in the U.S., but of course we don't get any special envelopes by email, only a .pdf of what goes on the envelopes. Buried in the 4 pages of instructions is a note that overseas voters can print out envelopes with the necessary information on them. You know what? Paper and envelope sizes EVERYWHERE ELSE in the world are different than American standard paper and envelope sizes, so the template .pdfs don't work here. I printed the forms in standard European sizes, taped the completed and signed "envelope form" to a European-size envelope, put it in another European-size envelope addressed to my county Board of Elections, then put that into a DHL envelope, and paid $60 for DHL to deliver the envelope-in-an-envelope-in-an-envelope to Columbus, Ohio. Best money I've ever spent. My vote better be counted.

I have been an international observer for 18 elections in 6 countries in the past 13 years. There are some differences I wish more Americans knew and cared about. Can incarcerated prisoners vote? To the best of my knowledge, not in any U.S. state, yet they can vote in every country where I have worked as an international election observer (mass incarceration of people of color is a uniquely and horrifying way the U.S. disenfranchises minorities). Can people who have served their time vote? In many U.S. states, no, voting rights are lost for life after serving a prison sentence; yet they can vote in every country where I have worked as an international election observer. If a person has served their time, why are they still punished by being disenfranchised in many U.S. states? Oh right, because it's a way to disfranchise people of color.

After 13 years of observing elections in half a dozen countries, I am also 100% convinced that a printed ballot that a voter hand-completes (with appropriate email exceptions for absentee voters) is the best voting method. Hand-counting in front of partisan and non-partisan citizen observers can be a time-consuming process but eliminates computer and hacking problems, and and can be manageable if polling districts are limited to a reasonable number of voters.

And the Electoral College, the most undemocratic voting process in the modern world, NEEDS TO END.

End of my TEDTalk. Thanks for attending.

Heaven

A friend posted this on Facebook:

This week I have been so deeply nurtured by my community. I’ve received so much wisdom, insight, gracious support by loved ones around me.

I appreciate you all so much. Your care, thoughtfulness and generosity. Thank you for holding space for me through all the tough times.

To have such a community... I'm so in awe... and full of envy...

pushing back against the "cannabis is harmless!" bandwagon

My mother has smoked tobacco every day of her adult life - and probably before she was 18. She's over 80 now. She has never had cancer. 

My siblings all smoked tobacco, well into their 30s, and one into his 40s or 50s. They are now in their 40s, 50s and 60s. They have never developed cancer or emphysema or COPD. 

I have known a few people personally who died from lung cancer. None smoked anything at all ever. 

I have never known anyone personally who died from cancer-related to smoking anything: no family member, no co-worker, no friend. 

My husband smokes, and he has met a lot of interesting people when he steps out of a restaurant or concert venue or hotel to smoke. On trips, he's ended up with some valuable information for our travel because he's met someone on a smoke break. 

Based on all of that personal experience, I should think smoking tobacco is just fine, right? My own, personal experience shows, explicitly, smoking tobacco is JUST FINE and, in fact, quite enjoyable. Plus, look at Now Voyager - if Paul Henreid lit me a cigarette, HOW could I not take it?!?

None of my personal experience has shown me that smoking is a horrible addiction that may lead to permanent disability and death, but I know it's a horrible addiction that may lead to permanent disability and death because of extensive scientific studies and lots of publicity surrounding the disabilities and death of famous people who have died from smoking-related illnesses.

Yet, by that exact same criteria, by their own personal observations from family or friends and experiences of their own, I have heard so many people tell me cannabis smoking or eating is:

• harmless
• can cure a host of ailments
• fights cancer
• improves breathing
• reduces anxiety
• prevents diabetes
• slows development of Alzheimer’s disease

In addition to their own, personal experience - through their own use or what they've "seen" - they also find something on a web site with a URL like "greathealthnews dot com" or "natural good health dot com" or whatever that touts all the health benefits they believe. Or they find one study on a university site - never mind how old it is, never how small it is, and never mind that aren't lots of other studies affirming the results - and use it over and over to support their belief that cannabis is magical, that "big Pharma" is working to keep this miracle drug away from everyone, and on and on.

I was one of those people that wanted cannabis to be at least harmless, if not actually beneficial. For years, I had no fear of it whatsoever. 

But then I got asthma, and I can tell you, first hand, cannabis did NOT help. And then I got more and more frustrated with the lack of concentration and short-term memory and motivation of people I was working with, all daily pot users. And then I started reading more and more - not just studies that said what I wanted them to say, but studies that said what I really didn't want to hear. And my conclusion: there is not enough known about long-term cannabis use to say that it has health benefits, conclusively, but there is a plethora of studies showing some very dire results from long-term use, like its adverse effects on brain development among young people. The connections between cannabis use and schizophrenia are also quite disturbing. 

Am I telling you not to use cannabis? No. Am I denying that you believe you feel dramatically better after smoking it or eating it? Nope. Do I think alcohol use is oh so much safer than cannabis use? Nope. Do I doubt that cannabis use has any actual medicinal benefits? Nope. 

I'm saying you need to stop saying or implying that cannabis is harmless or even beneficial because we just do NOT know. There is NOT enough evidence, period. I hope there will be more studies, I really do, but there needs to be so, so, so much more. And we need to be ready for where the evidence leads us, even if we don't like it.  

A person I loved dearly died from cancer a few years ago, and her last six months were increasingly painful. She was dating someone who had a legal business associated with cannabis, and he touted one small study out of Italy that seemed to say it reduced the size or spread of cancer. One study. One. Study. Based on that, he kept her so stoned that she had no idea what was happening for the last four months of her life. I'm not sure she was able to make proper end-of-life decisions. I'm not sure if she was making fully-conscious decisions to stay stoned. If all that pot smoking made her substantially more comfortable and less-in-pain in those last months, then great, even if it did remove all of her capabilities for any clear thought or conversation, but I will always wonder if she would have completely "checked out" mentally and emotionally so soon if she hadn't been so heavily stoned all of the time. 

During my university days, I watched a friend have an anxiety-ridden freakout after sharing a joint with several people, something so outrageous it could have been out of the ridiculously over-the-top and medically inaccurate movie Refer Madness. No one else had that reaction, so it wasn't laced with anything, she wasn't taking any medications, but her reaction was so dire, so disturbing, we came very close to taking her to a hospital. She gradually calmed down. A few months later, she tried pot again, and she had the same reaction. I really, really hope she no longer gets anywhere near cannabis.

I bring up these two personal experiences because, if other people are allowed to bring up some personal observation they had about someone's pot use that they deemed as positive, they should also know there are a lot of stories out there that are NOT positive. The reality is that anecdotes are not reliable for conclusive decisions. Neither of my two stories prove ANYTHING except ONE person's observations. It would be ridiculous for me to make decisions based on those two first-hand observations about cannabis use - yet I hear people do so all the time regarding the positives of cannabis. 

And one or two studies are also not reliable for conclusive decisions. A study in April 2020 regarding COVID-19 noted that "Available data from China suggest a lower than expected number of hospital admissions among the smoking population." The media jumped on that news and reported that smoking might reduce a person's chance of getting the novel coronavirus. The "finding" eventually got debunked as more data came in, but I heard about it for at least a week on various news outlets before that. I wonder how many people never heard the debunking part?

Look, as long as you do not use any cannabis products before or while driving any vehicle or ever around your children, or do not use it if you or your partner are pregnant, and don't use it before you are 25, I don't care if you use cannabis. If you aren't putting anyone else in danger through your use, if you are able to care for your family and manage your life while still using cannabis, I don't care. I feel the same way about alcohol, in fact. If you are stoned or drunk when I'm talking to you, and I can't tell, and we still have nice conversations and you are pleasant despite your lack of sobriety, I also don't care.   

I also don't think people should go to jail or prison for using cannabis. 

But I am going to push back against the "cannabis is harmless!" bandwagon. 

Update: "Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS) affects the GI tract and can trigger severe uncontrolled vomiting. Once thought to be rare, doctors in the United States are increasingly reporting CHS cases in states that have legalized cannabis. If you are a frequent user of cannabis, please be aware of this, as many doctors, unless they are gastronomist, have not heard of it." More from this article in the Washington Post.

 

Why haven't I posted a whiney blog about how I can't travel?

You'd think that someone who changed the domain name of her professional web site to reflect her focus on travel and who uses the word stravaig in the name of her personal blog and on her Facebook page would have already posted about being so upset about not being able to travel.

I haven't, and I won't, because... thousands and thousands of people are dying and people are being permanently disabled because of COVID-19. Talk with some hospital workers, look at the death numbers, read The Atlantic, and I cannot imagine anyone would be thinking about traveling anywhere in 2020 (and probably next year as well). I'm still just as locked down now, in August, as we were when we came back from Mexico at the end of March - I want to live, and I also don't want to give anyone COVID-19. 

I also don't like focusing on what I cannot do. You can't help doing that sometimes, but making that a priority just makes me frustrated. 

I was thinking of writing a blog about things that a traveler can do now, when they can't or shouldn't travel, when they are taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously (unlike others), but I found this blog by Lonely Planet and it covers anything I would want to say in that regard, and some I didn't think of. I like that the advice does NOT say, "Start planning for all you will do when this is over!" Because I think that creates frustration. We don't know when travel will be safe. We don't know when there will be a widely-available vaccine - or if there will ever be one. Pouring my energy into something that may never happen will leave me devastated to discover I don't get to do it.

Not that I'm not planning. Travelers are always planning, always dreaming. It's just that I'm not making plans for next year - I'm making plans for eventually. One of my dreams for eventually is to hike the length of most or all of Hadrian's Wall. But I intend to do that once we move back to Europe, and I don't mind glancing at some info and photos, but I'm not making actual plans. 

I'm much more concerned about how long we're going to have to go without collective experiences like going to the movies together, sitting and watching live theater or live music together, going to weddings and funerals together, playing games together, having meals together... it's not just the singular acts of doing these specific things and enjoying them, and missing that enjoyment, it's what I think happens because of them collectively, to all of us, things that are NOT happening now. I think the results of these activities, collectively, are things that keep communities functional and, without them, we are woefully and horribly dysfunctional. 

What makes me angry is how much we could have if people would just fucking wear a mask and if we had immediate, on-demand testing for the virus, with results in hours, not days. That's it, that's all we would need to do in order to have all the things we want and NEED back in our lives. If every student would wear a mask - not just teachers - and schools were allowed to have classes outside as much as possible, kids could go back to school safely, without spreading the virus. Maybe I wouldn't be so terrified of getting on a plane. 

But until people decide to care about each other, or there's a vaccine, this is the world. And I'll continue to just try to live in it. 

Pizzagate conspiracy theorists trying to appropriate World Day Against Trafficking in Persons

Apparently, the Pizzagate kooks are trying to appropriate World Day Against Trafficking in Persons. Yes, really. If you saw a march or demonstration July 30 or yesterday with yellow and blue balloons and signs about selling babies, eating babies, a certain furniture store selling children, etc., that's what's up. The most ironic thing about this nonsense: the day was designated by the United Nations, an institution these wackadoos constantly rail against. And, yes, there was such a rally in the town where I live in Oregon.

🙄

You will see several posts about these demonstrations on Twitter, like this one.

Myths about sex trafficking abound in the USA, and Pizzagate supporters distract from honest, credible efforts to address the issue. 

Where is the Power of the People?

The movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington frustrates me every time I watch it. It frustrates me because Mr. Smith loses, as do his supporters. His filibuster fails and the kids trying to get the truth out via his little newspaper and the people that try to march in support are assaulted and stopped cold. Public opinion is completely against him. The power of "the people" FAILS. Truth fails. The system fails. It is only because one, corrupt, powerful man, Senator Joseph Paine, at the VERY end, suddenly has a change of heart and tries to kill himself and then shouts a confession to the whole corruption scheme that Smith is supposedly vindicated - though we never see that supposed vindication.

The people lose. The entrenched men who control the media and the message, the rich men who control the money, they defeat Smith at every turn, and the power of the truth, in the hands of people, does NOT win against them. 

Donald Trump has committed high crimes and misdemeanors, and continues to do so. He has betrayed the people of the USA over and over, both legally and ethically. Citizens are taken off the streets of Portland by unidentified federal agents, his agents use chemical agents against peaceful protesters (something Sadam Hussein did to Iraqis), public lands are being given to oil companies, he is becoming richer and richer in violation of the Foreign Emoluments Clause in the USA Constitution, he ignores court rulings, and families with LEGAL immigrants live in fear of speaking out, since green cards and even citizenship has been arbitrarily canceled. Children are in cages, some die, and families are separated. He undertakes actions to benefit Russia, like ordering troops out of Germany. He coddles Nazis. He has killed people and permanently disabled people through his inaction regarding the current pandemic. And no matter how many well-researched media reports reveal his corruption, no matter how often he is investigated, no matter how many times a court rules against him, he walks away, unscathed and even more empowered. Nothing has stopped him. 

Our system has failed. We are supposed to have checks and balances that prevent a President from being a dictator, from rewarding himself and his friends financially, and from our country sliding into fascism. Those checks and balances have FAILED. 

And we have almost six more months of this, at least... and maybe more, if the election is canceled - you saw Trump's tweet today, right?

Our country is in a perilous situation. It absolutely will continue to get worse. And there's no Senator Joseph Paine that is going to have a sudden, high-profile, well-publicized change of heart and save us all.

What now?

My neighbors deserve to live

I live two doors down, and across the street, from residential homes for adults with intellectual disabilities. There is one staff person on-site at all times. Each resident has their own room, has to pick out their clothes and dress for the day, has to do their own laundry (though some need assistance) and has keep their own room tidy. Some also have a night when they are responsible for cooking the meal for the residents, with assistance, and some have jobs: dishwashing in a restaurant or picking up debris at a hotel with large grounds. And still others have a school or program at a nonprofit they attend most days of the week.

Two of the residents are deaf. One is legally blind. Most are over 50. At least one resident had cancer. I'm pretty sure each of them has some kind of medical condition, like diabetes or high blood pressure. Most battle with being overweight.

The residents tend to live most of their adult lives in these homes. Outside of work or a program, if they have such, they watch TV, walk around the neighborhood, take mass transit to go to Wal-mart or McDonald's (favorite destinations of both), or sit on my front wall and watch traffic or watch me do yard work. Before COVID-19, two residents loved to put my garbage bins out on garbage day, or bring them in, or push my yard waste bin from one end of the yard to another as I mowed.

One resident loves all things Disney, especially Mickey Mouse. She's always wearing a hat or t-shirt with something related to Disney on it. She also loves to get her nails done.

One resident has never left the house in the seven years I've lived in my home. She also is the person who always answers the front door and she has flashing Christmas lights in her bedroom, and has them on very late into the evening.

One resident wears pink. She will also stand out in the front yard chirping when she's frustrated about something, like not being accompanied to the store for a soda (she's the one resident who isn't allowed to walk anywhere by herself).

One resident rides his bike everywhere, and since he's not allowed to smoke on the grounds on the residence, sits on my wall under some bamboo to smoke.

One resident loves cars, trucks and motorcycles, and though he has no idea what mechanical terms mean, will ask you, "Is that a v-6 or a v-8? Fuel injection? I bet it gets great gas mileage." When I ask him what's up, he says, "Nuttin'", and I get to respond, "Nut-n-honey?"

One resident has been my shadow for years, walking my dog with me every afternoon. For a couple of years, in Spring and Summer and Fall, we would ride our bikes together exactly 10 blocks most evenings. He loves cops shows. He loves going to church. He loves collecting bottles and returning them for money. He loves the cat that he's not supposed to have (it stays outdoors). He loves being judgemental about people that do not pick up their dog's poop.

All of these residents, and more, are my neighbors. They are my friends. I like them. But even if I didn't like them, even if I didn't know them, even if they didn't enrich my life in various ways, I would never challenge the idea that they do not have lives worth living.

Yet, I hear people say that thousands upon thousands of deaths from COVID-19 are inevitable and that these people I have just profiled for you, and thousands like them, and all who are medically vulnerable to the disease, are expendable. These people should die so you can go to Chili's. They should die so that your kids can play soccer. They should die so you can go to a bar. They should die so you can have steak made by someone else. They should die so you don't have to wear a mask.

Donal Trump told reporters during a press conference that while the death toll is “bad,” and “the numbers are going to increase with time,” we’re "going to be opening our country up for business, because our country was meant to be open."

In other words: people must die so that my hotels can stay open.

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick told Tucker Carlson of Fox News, "No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’" But if they had? "If that is the exchange, I’m all in," Patrick said. He continued: "That doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots of grandparents out there in this country, like me, I have six grandchildren, that what we all care about and what we love more than anything are those children. And I want to live smart and see through this, but I don’t want the whole country to be sacrificed…I’ve talked to hundreds of people, Tucker, and just in the last week, making calls all the time, and everyone says pretty much the same thing. That we can’t lose our whole country, we’re having an economic collapse. I’m also a small businessman, I understand it. And I talk with business people all the time, Tucker. My heart is lifted tonight by what I heard the president say because we can do more than one thing at a time, we can do two things. So my message is let’s get back to work, let’s get back to living. Let’s be smart about it and those of us who are 70-plus, we’ll take care of ourselves. But don’t sacrifice the country, don’t do that, don’t ruin this great America."

I am happy to sacrifice for my community - ALL of the community. I am happy to wear a mask, to socially-distance, to give up all sorts of conveniences, if that's going to keep my neighbors alive.

But I am not happy - nor willing - to sacrifice neighbors because I am inconvenienced. 

Coronavirus may never go away, even with a vaccine

Even after a vaccine is discovered and deployed, the coronavirus will likely remain for decades to come, circulating among the world’s population. Experts call such diseases endemic — stubbornly resisting efforts to stamp them out. Think measles, HIV, chickenpox. There are already four endemic coronaviruses that circulate continuously, causing the common cold. But COVID-19 kills and permanently disables. The USA desperately needs a road map for the trillions of dollars needed, and a fixed navigational point to replace our nation's current, chaotic state-by-state patchwork strategy.

It's what a May 27, 2020 Washington Post article is saying. In fact, it's what a February 25, 2020 article in The Atlantic said as well (James Hamblin's articles are worth reading, regularly).

On our way back from Baja, California, Mexico, I knew things were going to be different for months, not for just weeks. People saying "this is only for two weeks" - I couldn't understand those comments at all. All you had to do was spend 15 minutes a day reading the news and that was obvious.

Within a week of being home, at the end of March, I wondered why there wasn't a nationwide lockdown declared through July 5th, with a massive mobilization for widespread, frequent testing - it seemed obvious to me that that was what was needed in order for schools to be open in the Fall.

And everything I've read since well before COVID-19 has said that while face masks don't do much to protect you, but they protect others FROM you and whatever you might be carrying - and the February article referenced earlier said that most people don't get sick.

In April, I asked repeatedly on Twitter where the social media messages targeting 20 somethings and 30 somethings were, why no one was targeting that age group specifically. I never got an answer.

I just don't get it. We all had this information. Why are we pretending we didn't? Why is everyone acting shocked now that our world may be different?

Not that I like it. I hate it. But I'm furious at the state of denial the world seems to be in. And I'm furious that it's very likely I'll pay the price for it. 😡🤬

I finally saw Hamilton

I've finally seen Hamilton. Like many thousands of others, I downloaded Disney Plus to my phone (to my cheap little android phone that continues to over-perform) and used Chromecast to watch it on my TV. I made an event of it, watching it with no other distractions - I love to single focus on a movie or TV event (which is why I still love going to the movies - or, I did before COVID-19...).

It's nice to finally be a part of the "in" club that has seen it.

This was absolutely the right call by Disney, to make this freely available. They deserve nothing but praise for this gift to the nation, a gift we really needed right now.

I was probably never going to get to see Hamilton live with professional performers, and no offense to high schools or community theaters, but if I couldn't see it first with a professional cast, I just didn't want to see it at all. 

It is a brilliant piece, no question. The amount of thought and years of work put into this astounds me. I am entranced with the idea of someone - Lin-Manuel Miranda - being so inspired by a thought, and idea, a biography, that they spend YEARS to create such a work. To have a muse like that... I'm jealous. I crave to be so inspired.

I'm also surprised that this play has struck such a chord with so many. While I didn't fall in love with it the way so many, many of my friends have (and that's FINE - to each his own), I have been touched by how much people have loved it, especially young people. I've been there, with other pieces, and I know what that thrill is like - it got me through college and made my brief stints in New York City back in the late 1980s and in 1990 utterly magical.

I read a lot of gushing from people on social media who fell in love with Hamilton off-Broadway, but that gushing felt very different than the explosion of love for it in 2016 coincided with the anger people felt about the rise of Donald Trump and all that he stood for. The way it was valued off-broadway and broadway was, from this observer, very different. But I kept trying to keep my distance from seeing or reading in-depth about it - I wanted to have my own experience and feelings when I watched it.

And my own feelings about Hamilton:

• I love the celebration of a person who is, truly, self-made, someone who, by every definition now, is "at-risk" and "disadvantaged", raised by a single parent, who truly had to make his own way in the world - and did so, in a hugely important way.
• I was astounded at the complexity of the female characters AND the complexity of their music. In fact, that's when I teared up - that's the moment when I became emotionally involved. 
• The cast was mind-blowingly talented. Just astounding in every way. And casting all the principal American characters with Black Americans, Latinos and Asians brought an ownership to the story and themes that's long overdue. 
• It was fascinating to see a musical celebrating Hamilton, Jefferson and Washington at a time when so many in the USA are questioning or lionization of those three - and so many others - and tearing down statues not only of Confederate traitors but the so-called "founding fathers." Miranda wrote about these figures just a decade ago, before this became a national, fevered conversation. Were he writing now, perhaps he would have written about Jefferson and Washington in particular VERY differently. But no piece can be absolutely comprehensive, no piece can represent every point of view and explore every theme, and I have no criticism of him whatsoever regarding these characterizations. In fact, I was glad at the very stark reminder about Washington staunchly refusing to seek another term and what that act meant for the future of our nation - it's a message that is more timely now than at any time Hamilton was performed live on Broadway. 
• Yes, there is a lot of important history that gets left out. I can't believe people want to focus on that. Some of the same people who praise the cross-cultural casting - which, technically, is historically inaccurate - complain about the historical inaccuracies. And they complain at what got left out. Folks, I deeply admire John Adams. I have often wondered what would have happened had he gotten the second term he absolutely deserved. The story of John and Abigail Adams is one that I think should be detailed in every American history class. John Adams believed while he was president that Hamilton explored the idea of a coup in order to remove him. They were NOT friends. Am I upset that none of this gets mentioned in Hamilton? Nope. Am I upset that, historically, the playwright is on Team Hamilton when I am clearly on Team Adams? No! That would be ridiculous. Stop being ridiculous. It's a work of ART. Like all art, it reflects the views of the artist. If you can't get past that, you are going to be miserable not only in theatres, but in art museums.  
• Gonna say it: it didn't have as much rap as I was expecting and for that I am grateful. And I was SO glad the show was subtitled because I wouldn't have understood a lot of it otherwise. Hi, I'm old.    

So, there are my thoughts on Hamilton. I celebrate it for what it is, I'm not going to criticize it for what it isn't, and while I'm not enthralled by it the way so many are, I sure am enthralled by it's brilliance, which cannot be denied, and how it's inspired so many, especially young people. More of this, please.

Also see Fathers & theaters.

DNA tests are fun... but they aren't YOU

"When the Human Genome Project was completed in 2003 it was confirmed that the 'three billion base pairs of genetic letters in humans [are] 99.9 per cent identical in every person.' There are, of course, genetic differences that occur more frequently in certain populations – lactose intolerance, for example, is more common in people from East Asia. And valuable research has explored the health significance of genetic variation. But there is simply no reason to think that your genes tell you something significant about your emotional connection to a particular cultural heritage. There isn’t a lederhosen gene. More important, we shouldn’t forget that the concept of 'race' is a biological fiction. The crude racial categories that we use today – black, white, Asian, etc. – were first formulated in 1735 by the Swedish scientist and master classifier Carl Linnaeus. While his racial categories have remained remarkably resilient to scientific debunking, there is almost universal agreement within the science community that they are largely biologically meaningless... Your genes are only part of the infinitely complex puzzle that makes 'you uniquely you.' If you feel a special connection to lederhosen, rock the lederhosen. No genes required."

-- from Timothy Caulfield in The Globe and Mail on May 2, 2018.

another blog about Gone with the Wind

Do I love the movie Gone With the Wind? Yes.
Do I think it's racist and can really be upsetting? ABSOLUTELY!

I love old movies. I watch at least a snippet of a movie on TCM on almost every day. I have watched old movies since I discovered them on what was then something oh-so-new - cable TV - back in 1975 or so. As a child, then a teen, then an adult, I watched the same movies over and over. I wrote an essay on Clark Gable when I was in the 10th grade.

I love old movies. I love the stories they tell, the pictures they present, the time capsules they present, the places they take me, and the history they present - and misrepresent.

I also admit that there are some classic movies I don't love. In fact, there are a few I hate. I can't watch anything where animals are portrayed as being harmed - or are actually harmed. I have a lot of problems with certain portrayals of violence that are just too real to me. And while I can get through most classic movies despite their racism and sexism, I loathe The Philadelphia Story, with its message to women: men fool around, put up with it, shut up, let them come home when their "finished." For whatever reason, it's my limit. And I've had friends get mad at me for not liking The Philadelphia Story - they see it as a personal indictment. Look, if you like it, that's your thing. But please respect that it makes my blood boil.

I blogged a while back about watching Birth of a Nation. Yup, the whole, long thing. And in that blog, I noted:

Birth of a Nation has NO OTHER PURPOSE than inspiring hate and feelings of superiority by white Americans, and to say that the USA should give states the right to subjugate black Americans. It wasn't made primarily to tell a love story, or a survival story, or a horror story, or any kind of story: it was made solely to say horrific things about one race of people, and to claim it was best for the people of that race to be enslaved by another race of people, who the movie says are superior intellectually, emotionally, culturally and spiritually. It promotes a passionate, irrational hatred of black Americans - and it makes the Ku Klux Klan the heroes. That's its message, first and foremost.

I'm glad I watched it, but I won't be watching it again. And I know that it pioneered also sorts of film techniques. So did Triumph of the Will. In praising the technique, the horror of the product has to be acknowledged EVERY time for movies like those.

Gone With the Wind was written by a racist. Yes, I know Margaret Mitchell sent money regularly to Morehouse College and her donations enabled perhaps 70 to 80 black men to become physicians. That's nice. But she did it in secret: it did not become public knowledge until many decades after her death. And I don't at all take it as a sign that she wasn't a racist - I know plenty of people back in Kentucky who donate to the college funds of black students, or voted for President Obama, and also have racist beliefs. The book Gone With the Wind itself should be enough to say Margaret Mitchell was a racist - even if you don't think the portrayals of black characters are racist (I do), you have to admit that the characters are little more than scenery, and in a book about life before, during and after the Civil War, that's absolutely RACIST, to think those stories can be entirely ignored. But let me go farther in proving the point: according to several sources, when Margaret Mitchell discovered that she was in a history class at Smith College in the 1910s with a black student, the story is that Mitchell demanded to change classes, or have the student change classes. The teacher refused, and Mitchell said she would go to the dean, or even the institution's president, if necessary, to get it changed. The black student was moved. Mitchell's mother later argued that professor Dorothy Ware flunked her even though the dean approved the transfer. According to the book Southern Women at the Seven Sister Colleges: Feminist Values and Social Activism, 1875-1915 by Joan Marie Johnson (University of Georgia Press, 2010):

Margaret called Ware a hypocrite, asking if Ware "had ever undressed and nursed a Negro woman or sat on a drunk Negro man's head to keep him from being shot by the police." Mitchell's mother blamed the incident on the fact that Ware's family had been to the South to teach blacks and had not been well received by white southerners. Margaret grounder her refusal to take a class with an African American - an act that suggested social equality - in her familiarity with blacks, an ease she believed was only possible whiten a white supremacist society. 

Gone With the Wind was part of Mitchell's determination to repaint the South as lovingly paternalistic to enslaved people, and you just can't call that anything but racist.

So, how can I love the movie Gone With the Wind? Because while I see the racism and the desperate effort in the movie to reinforce a romantic view of a world where people were enslaved, I also see a movie about a woman who goes from a flighty, vindictive girl with no depth to a fierce woman determined not just to survive war, but to thrive in its aftermath. I'm astounded by the idea of how she uses the only thing she has - her charm and wits - to get what she wants for herself and her family. I also identify with putting all of your energy into something that, you ultimately realize, is a really bad idea. And, yeah, I love the actors and the film techniques. And Butterfly McQueen (read her story, if you haven't ever).

In short, I am able to "stand" the racism in Gone with the Wind the same way so many, many men I know are able to "stand" the horrific sexism of The Godfather and The Godfather II.

If you don't want to hear me talk about how strong, resilient and strategic Scarlett is as a heroine, fine - 'cause I sure as hell don't want to hear you talk about how sexy and virile you find violent rapist Stanley Kowalski is in Streetcar Names Desire, mmmkay?

Do I think HBO Max is right to stop showing Gone With the Wind? I don't know. It's a private company and its senior staff made a business decision not to be associated with that movie anymore. I admit that I would love to see what other movies they have chosen not to show. But it's their decision, they make money, they don't want to show this movie anymore, okay. 

I would be upset if TCM stopped showing it. I would, in fact, be outraged. That's what TCM is for - to show old movies, many of them full of painful stereotypes but all of them worth viewing, at least once. TCM shows a number of movies I find deeply disturbing, including Gabriel Over the White House, a 1933 pro-fascist political fantasy. And most Woody Allen movies, which imagine New York City spaces with no black Americans at all and whose women characters are, for the most part, nothing but cringe-worthy. And, of course, Birth of a Nation and The Philadelphia Story. But I want them to keep showing those. I even want them to keep showing Streetcar Named Desire, despite that I cannot watch it anymore. I really enjoy their introductions that put such films in context and make it clear, "Yeah, there are big problems with some portrayals/themes in this movie..." Keep doing that. Even if I don't aways agree with what's said - keep doing that.

And as I noted in that earlier blog I referenced: I was on the light rail coming home from Portland in 2013, and was eavesdropping on a group of African women, I think from Tanzania, and a group of Indian women (from India) talking about movies they love, including Gone With the Wind. They went on and on about why. They loved it like I do. No mention of its racism was ever made - I kept listening for it, but it never happened. Sometimes I wonder if people in other countries, even Africans, understand the horrors of slavery in the Americas... but I kind of loved that they loved the film without experiencing any racist subtext. The way women are expected to enjoy so many films without getting upset about the sexism.

Anyway, see you at the movies. 

tips for using ancestry.com

New to Ancestry.com? Or don't have much info on your tree there and want more, but you're confused and overwhelmed on how to proceed?

Below are things I wish I had known when I first started using it. Knowing this would have made my search go much more smoothly, without haven't to go back and correct things that completely and utterly messed up my trees a few times. I would have gotten information more quickly about my ancestors and I would have been less confused by some of the things from the DNA tests.

And here's something I knew well before I began, and it's why no revelations have been earth-shattering to me: I believe that your family is that which raised ya and claims ya. I believe that the people you claim as your family is YOUR choice. The love you feel for the people you call family in your life is REAL, and no DNA test will ever change that. Whomever you love and call your parents, your grandparents, your siblings, your aunts and uncles, your cousins - that love is real. and DNA doesn't change it. DNA is not your full identity.

Interviews:

Interview your parents, every aunt and uncle - your parent's siblings - and your grandparents, and your great-aunts and great uncles - your grandparent's siblings. And your great-grandparents if they are still around.

• Ask each person for their full name. Don't rely on one person giving you that name - many of your family members don't know the actual, full name of even their closest relatives, even though they think they do. 
• Ask each person for their birth date.
• Ask each person for the birth date and place and, if known, the death date and place, of every ancestor and the siblings of those ancestors. 

Take the information you have, as much as you could gather, and THEN start your tree or trees on the platform. Some people do one tree for their maternal line and one for the paternal line. I wish I had. Having one big tree gets really confusing.

Do not just input direct ancestors; put in siblings of ancestors - aunts and uncles, great-aunts and uncles, etc. That's going to be important later, trust me.

I also put in cousins' names - again, it helps tremendously later with getting accurate information about ancestors. You will often discover, as months pass, that distant cousins you've never met have traced your family back several generations. But you also have to be careful - many have inaccurate info in their trees.

Census Data.

Once you have put in all the information about relatives that you have gathered from family, start confirming the information with Census data. The most recent Census data available is from the 1950s (the 1960s will be released in 2032). Find each family member that was alive in 1949 in the 1950s Census and link that information to family members.

Then look through 1940s and do the same. Then the 1930s. Read the information carefully and make CERTAIN it really is your relative that is listed in Census data you find (you do this by looking at who they are married to, according to the Census, their parents, their children, etc.).

Remember that Census data from this period was recorded orally; unfamiliar accents and pronunciations caused misspellings. Also, people did not always cooperate with Census takers. Residents were not always at home at the time a Census taker came and were therefore not counted, or neighbors sometimes gave erroneous information to the Census taker about an absent family. Black families in particular got left out of the Census. 

The 1870 Census is the first after the Civil War and was the first to list all African Americans by name. It is often the first official record of a surname for former slaves. The date and place of birth listed for former slaves and their families in this Census may be a gateway for searching (by state, county, and enumeration district) the slave or free schedules in 1850 and 1860, which do NOT name slaves but lists their numbers.

Hints:

Do not accept every green leaf - every hint - without carefully reading it over. No matter how unique you think a name is, don't assume, "Hey, that's part of my tree!" For instance, you are going to find out that there are families from the same county in 1860 that have almost all the same names, yet, they are NOT the same family!

Don't count on any name, birth date (even just the year) or marriage date being accurate just because a family member gave you the information. You want every date verified with a census report, a marriage certificate, a draft card, a birth certificate or other official document. That's not always possible, of course, but it will help you when you need to defend this info (and you will need to defend it if you let other family read it over).

Search:

Once you have filled out your tree back just three generations - through your great-grandparents, and you have accepted a few hints for them (after CAREFULLY reviewing them), do searches on each of those family members. For instance, go to one of your grandparent's page and click on "Search on Ancestry" (under the "Sources" column). You will need to adjust some search fields to get accurate results. Look through those results carefully. If you find census reports, draft cards and other people's family trees that you think might be a match to your ancestor, click on them, read them CAREFULLY, and if the names, places and dates line up, absolutely link it to your ancestor.

When you are done with your grandparents, then try your great-grandparents. After that, you are going to get a wave of new hints. Be oh-so-careful before you accept any of them as you fill in your tree more, especially ancestor names before 1850 - you might want to hold off on those for a full year, to make sure your other information is solid. 

When you have checked every hint for your ancestors through your great grandparents, you are ready to start carefully filling in the info for their parents, and so on. But go SLOWLY and carefully - don't just start clicking "possible father" and "possible mother" for everyone!

Correct info:

As you progress over weeks and months, you are going to look under, say, a great-great grandparent's page and see their list of kids and realize there are a LOT of duplicate records - three girls all named Daisy Brown are obviously all the same person. Merge records that are obvious duplicates - how to do that is in the upper right-hand corner of a record's screen, under "tools."

Fill out the stories:

Add a narrative to the LifeStory feature. Ancestry automatically generates one, but you can edit it, adding in information that family has given you, like where someone worked, where they served in the military, why they named a child whatever they did, or what job is listed on the census.

DNA Test:

Don't do the DNA test until you have filled out your family tree back at least through your grandparents - more is better. I think getting information for ancestors born back to 1900 is a great goal before you do the DNA test. The DNA test isn't going to tell you much unless you can see common ancestors with DNA matches, so you need your tree to go back at least three generations, in my opinion.

When you get your DNA test, go to the Ancestry web site and click on "DNA matches." Then click on "common ancestors." The resulting list are all the people that also took the DNA test and are both genetically linked to you and who have traced their family tree back far enough to show common ancestors.

I suggest at this point you create some color-coded groups and put your DNA matches with common ancestors in those groups. Ideally, the groups would be these (you can use family names rather than these titles):

• Maternal Grandmother's Father
• Maternal Grandmother's Mother
• Maternal Grandfather's Father
• Maternal Grandfather's Mother
• Paternal Grandfather's Father
• Paternal Grandfather's Mother
• Paternal Grandmother's Father
• Paternal Grandmother's Mother

Then put every DNA match that has a common ancestor into the right group. And don't be surprised if some folks go in more than one group! This will take many hours, at least, but it is SO worth it - it's going to make your searches so, so much easier and it's going to make confirming hints so much easier. It took me more than a month to get every DNA match with a common ancestor into the right group.

You will need to generate this common ancestry list every other month and update your groups, because it changes as more people take the DNA test and more people fill out their family trees. I do it a few times a year.

Then, when you have all your DNA matches that have a common ancestry in groups, go back to the DNA matches pages so you can see everyone that's a DNA match. Scroll down to the first person that shows up in the list that you don't have a common ancestor with - and, therefore, you don't have them in a group yet. Click on that person. Then click on "shared DNA matches." You will see all the people that share DNA with both you and the person you have clicked on. Because you have put so many people in groups, and the groups are color-coded, you should be able to tell very quickly how the person is kin to you - Maternal Grandmother's Father's family, for instance - even though you haven't yet identified a common ancestor. This is absolutely my FAVORITE part of the Ancestry.com experience. Once I do this, if the person has an unlinked public tree, I look at it and, often, I can figure out how we are related (they've usually got the common ancestor misspelled).

But it's also going to be the case that you are going to click on someone and none of your shared matches are color-coded. And if that person is a close match - 80 cM or more - you are going to be particularly confused and intrigued, because they aren't a distant relative. In those cases, first, click on their unlinked family tree, if they have such available, and look to see if one of your relatives is there but under a differently-spelled name. If there is nothing that looks familiar, put them in a category of their own - I call it "intrigue." If that group starts to get larger and larger over time and a common ancestor does not emerge then, indeed, you have some family intrigue - and I'll deal with that in the next section. 

Intrigue and Differences in Family Lore:

Your family doesn't always have the right information about your family recorded. When you discover that the family has gotten a name wrong, or a marriage date wrong, or the number of children wrong, don't be shocked that you get pushback from family members about the correction - no one likes to be wrong, even about something as simple as the spelling of a name.

You may find out something a bit more serious, that your family might not want to know about. You might find that someone listed as the sister of an ancestor was, in fact, the mother of that ancestor, and the people that you have listed as that ancestor's parents are, in fact, that person's grandparents. I found that in looking at Census records for a great, great grandparent.

You may find bigamy - an ancestor wasn't actually widowed but, in fact, her husband ran off, left her, and started a new family elsewhere.  

Remember that, just like now, there were disagreements in families and sometimes a son or daughter moved away and never spoke to their parents or siblings again. 

I have a grandparent that, biologically, is not my grandparent - I knew this before I started tracing my history. And, yet, SURPRISE, the DNA test revealed we have a common ancestor on both that grandparent's maternal and paternal line! I am, in fact, biologically related to that grandparent!

I also have two other groups that I use to categorize my DNA matches. One of them is for DNA matches that I know relate to an ancestral line I don't choose to claim as my heritage - I'm related biologically, but they aren't my family. Even though, on paper, we don't have a common ancestor, because I haven't claimed that person as my ancestor, I do know who that ancestor is and, therefore, it's been easy to put all those DNA matches into a category that I can ignore.

The other group is my "intrigue" group. We are all related by DNA but I can't figure out how yet. Nothing really close - no half-siblings, no first cousins. So it's some sort of intrigue three or four generations back.

I haven't had an earth-shattering shock from the DNA test - some surprises from a few generations back, but nothing huge. But lots of people take the DNA test and find half brothers and sisters, or that they aren't biologically related to a parent, or they find out they do not share DNA with a first cousin or second cousin that also took the test - and that means someone they know and love was either adopted in the family tree or someone, maybe you, weren't told the truth about your parentage. If you make such a discovery of yourself or another family member, you have a lot of reflecting to do about whether or not to ask your parents or grandparents what's up, whether to reach out to those new, close biological relatives, etc. Know that it could be horribly painful, something they never wanted to talk about. Tread carefully. Read about other people that have done this so you know what you are in for.

Contacting other DNA matches. 

I don't do this with total strangers unless I know which family line we're matched through (maternal grandfather's mom, paternal grandmother's dad, etc.), either because they have claimed a common ancestor or we share enough DNA matches that I can tell. In that case, I write only if they don't share their family tree and I'd like for them to consider sharing it with me, or to encourage them to look at my tree to see if they see anything in common.

I have written some people because we have a common ancestor and are closely related - I consider that anything above 80 cM to be a close match. Just to say hi.

Otherwise, I don't contact anyone.

Final thoughts: 

First cousins share a grandparent (two generations). Second cousins share a great-grandparent (three generations). Third cousins share a great-great-grandparent (four generations). Keep that in mind when you see a DNA match but aren't sure how. 

Each person has 

• 4 grandparents.
• 8 great grandparents.
• 16 2nd great grandparents.
• 32 3rd great grandparents.
• 64 4th great grandparents.
• 128 5th great grandparents.
• 256 6th great grandparents.

Keep your expectations realistic about how much you can really find out!

Other blogs about my ancestry search:

Ancestry drama

Uncle Minnie

Rethinking "indigenous" & DNA results