Ongoing recovery from creeps

In August 1989, I was the target of profound creepiness as I walked to work. I don't want to say more, but the incident was creepy, it was violating, and it was emotionally scarring. He never touched me - never even got out of his car. But every woman - every woman - knows that creeps don't have to get anywhere near them in order to make a woman feel like she has no safe space. It's what creeps do. 

I walked quickly the two blocks to work, angry and disgusted and wanting to get away quickly but, you know, not make too much of a fuss. I told the receptionist, a dear friend, what had happened and said, "But since he didn't get anywhere near me, and didn't threaten me, I don't even know if I should call the police." 

She picked up the phone and called the police as I ended my sentence - there would be no discussion about whether I should or shouldn't. I'm grateful for her decisiveness. 

I gave my report over the phone, and then went into the bathroom. I was starting to feel sick. And discombobulated. And frightened. And filthy, like I was covered in muck. A few minutes later, my friend came in. And slowly, other women started trickling in. Word was spreading what had happened. And 10 minutes later, we were all sitting in a circle on the bathroom floor, and they were each sharing all the times a stranger had been creepy. They all had stories - while jogging, while at the public library, while at a bar, while at a swimming pool, and on and on. And I realized they were all still affected by whatever the incident - or incidents - had been. It made me feel profoundly better to know that these women, all incredibly strong willed, all with the ability to be even more pushy than me, had all been the target of a man trying to reduce them, trying to humiliate them, delighting in hurting them. 

They were all adamant that I had done the right thing in calling the police, and that my feelings, all of them, were absolutely valid. I will love them all to my dying day for their understanding and compassion. 

All of this came back today, more than 30 years later, when a neighbor experienced quite an aggressive creep as she left a volunteering gig. Sadly, the police who saw the man make a sudden, illegal turn literally threw up her hands, looked amused and drove away - yes, my friend saw the police officer do this. Also sadly, no one witnessed the man being aggressive with his car, or heard him say what he said - so there's nothing they can do. As she said, the police seemed like they had other things they'd prefer to be doing, and didn't seem too worried about the inaction of their sister officer. Which is typical of the police of the town where I live in Oregon. 

I've done what I can to help my friend emotionally and will continue to, always. I wish she could come back with me, in time, to that magic circle of women, and have her moment of comfort and care and affirmation from those wonderful people. 

A last note about my own situation: four days later, the man who targeted me was waiting for me again in his car as I walked to work. I hurriedly ran to the guard booth of a parking garage and began screaming "Call the police, call the police!" The police came and weren't as friendly as they had been on the phone - after all, the guy hadn't touched me, I hadn't even looked into the car this time as I passed, I'd just RUN. They asked me at least three times why was I so upset.

A day later, the creep who targeted me murdered a bank vice president. He abducted her a short distance from where he'd targeted me. He attempted to rape her after abducting her, she ran, and he shot her at point-blank range. 

Listen to women. Hear us. And take our fear seriously. 

Oregon Measure 105

I try to attend every town hall in my area by my federal and state senators and representatives. I've asked a question only once, at my state representative's public meeting, mostly because there were just a dozen or so people there and I just kinda wanted to see what she would say. I usually already know all of the positions of my state and federal representatives. I'm at these town halls mostly to make sure Trump supporters don't highjack the meeting and make it seem like they are in the majority - they are not. There's usually someone standing at the entrance to the town hall with paper signs - one is green with "agree" on it and one is red with "disagree" on it. Display of the signs is how the speaker knows what the room is thinking.

I like to live tweet town halls I attend. I tweet about questions being asked and how the representative is responding. It's my way of reminding people that their representatives are (or should be) available to answer their questions in public and that people need to take advantage of opportunities to hear directly from their elected officials. My overall message: It's easy to be "involved," and this is what it looks like.

At a recent meeting I attended, one of the audience members said that she is a survivor of sexual violence: she said that, in 2001, she was raped for 15 hours by men in the USA illegally. She asked our Representative to change her mind and support Oregon Measure 105, which will repeal Oregon's Sanctuary State Law (ORS 181A.820). Repeal would mean local police and sheriff's deputies could ask people for proof of their immigration status and arrest people for violating federal immigration law, even if they aren't being investigated for such. The woman at the event believes that most illegal immigrants are criminals, that they commit far more violent crimes than other people, and that Measure 105 will protect people - and that it would have protected her.

Her horrific experience is something that deserves our empathy and sympathy and ANGER, no question. These men that did this are beyond evil. I hope they were prosecuted. In fact, I wish them nothing but pain. But I wish all of this not because they are illegal immigrants. I wish it because they did something reprehensible beyond measure. I would feel the same way had they been legal immigrants. I would feel the same way if they were citizens that were born in the USA. Their legal status as residents or citizens in no way changes the nature of the horror they inflicted.

So, if this survivor had been raped by people where legal immigrants, would she now want all legal immigrants banned? I guess she would say, "If people are willing to commit one crime - crossing the border and living here illegally - they will commit any crime." Never mind that such is not backed up by facts. Yes, there are illegal immigrants who commit violent crimes. There are FAR more natural born citizens who commit violent crimes.

And consider the actions of these immigrants:

William Ramirez, a father of two from Colombia, was on his way to his maintenance job at a boatyard when he witnessed a man trying to gun down a Miami police officer. Ramirez drove his van into the line of fire, shielding the policeman from the shooter and pulling him to safety.

Antonio Diaz Chacon, from Mexico, was in Albuquerque and saw a young girl being abducted off the street, and unhesitatingly pursued the kidnapper to rescue the child.

Jesus Manuel Cordova saved the life of a 9-year-old boy stranded in the Arizona desert. The boy’s mother had died in a car crash, leaving him helpless — until he was discovered by Cordova, who had just entered the country illegally. Cordova stayed with the boy, keeping watch for hours until someone eventually found them and contacted the authorities.

On the day of the Boston marathon bombing of 2013, Costa Rican Carlos Arredondo rushed to help the victims just after the explosion of the two bombs. He made a tourniquet for Jeff Bauman, a victim who lost both legs. His picture in a cowboy hat next to Bauman in a wheelchair circulated around the world.

José Gutierrez, the first American soldier killed in combat after the invasion of Iraq, on March 21, 2003, was an orphaned Guatemalan who had entered the U.S. at the age of 2.

Damián López Rodríguez, a Mexican from Nogales, joined the USA military and he died on April 6, 2007, along with two other soldiers when their Humvee was hit by home-made bomb.

Some of the aforementioned were here legally, some came to the USA illegally. Can you tell which ones just by their actions? Would you really look at the people these immigrants saved or served and saved, "I don't care, I wish they had been deported and not helped you or your family"?

Fearing deportation, many domestic violence victims are steering clear of police and courts. Is that what we want, for people that commit domestic violence, many of them NOT immigrants, to get away with that crime because of fear of deportation? How does that keep us safer?

Immigrants are being scammed by NON immigrants but are reluctant to call police about the crime. How does that keep any of us safer?

When people commit crimes, they should be punished. When people prevent crimes or help people, they should be celebrated. What their immigration status is doesn't in any way make people more likely to be criminals nor heroes.

Washington County, Oregon District Attorney Kevin Barton and Washington County Sheriff Pat Garrett have issued a joint statement saying they do not want the repeal of Oregon Measure 105 and that "Our community is safer when citizens and non-citizens alike report crimes and testify in court so we can arrest and prosecute criminals." I agree.

Al Franken resigning: putting country first

By resigning, U.S. Senator Al Franken is doing what is best for his country. Guilty or not of sexual harassment, that fact cannot be denied.

Al Franken's resignation is what's best for my country. That doesn't stop me from weeping as I listen to him announce that he is leaving. As someone who owns and has read all of his books, including one where he wrote, "Jayne, Good work for the UN" (a friend got that for me), it hurts both that he's resigning and that so many women have said he touched them inappropriately.

Even if HALF of the women who have made accusations against Al Franken are lying, that means there are still women who are speaking the truth. I can be skeptical about one. Maybe even two, especially if they are outspoken opponents - I can't lie, I do judge. But THAT many accusers, many of them Democrats? Yeah, that's really hard for me to say it's all a "misunderstanding."

What Al Franken said in his resignation expresses exactly why he had to resign. It was the right thing to do.

But with all that said: if you demanded this, then let's hear your demands for the resignation of the man in the Oval Office. Let's hear your unequivocal condemnation of Roy Moore. You can't have it both ways.